Nat Hocken's Movie Reviews (55 - page 2)
Release date: 1/31/2003
Reviewed on: 5/2/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: Jessica, Maria [I] (ambiguous), Eva Falk, Dora, Claudia, Nikki Anderson, Wanda Curtis, Silvia Saint, Caroline, Mercedes, Kate More, Daniella Rush, Claudia Jamsson, Laura Angel, Chanel, Sophie Evans, Klara, Lea de Mae, Ava Vincent, Estelle, Laura Dark, Sonia Smith, Sandra Russo, Lynn Stone, Krystal de Boor, Daniela Ogniberie, Devils, Geneviever, Natash, Raika, Vennse, Vornica Misel
Directed by: Antonio Adamo
Review brief: If you count yourself among Antonio Adamos fans, the Private Penthouse box set of six of the directors films from 2000-2001 is nothing short of a treasure trove of erotic entertainment. Fans of Sylvia Saint will want to pick it up for the four titles graced by this pretty blonde starlet. The lovely Nikki Anderson stars in two of the movies, and she wont disappoint her admirers, either. Private Penthouse stands as one the best porn collections the industry has yet produced. If you like Adamo. This collection includes Call Girl, Fashion, Dangerous Things, Dangerous Things 2, Italian Flair, and The Last Muse. Its imperative, I think, that you appreciate the way Adamo goes about the business of shooting a sex scene to really enjoy these pictures. Not the hack a lot of directors are, Adamos style is unique. Now, whether its uniquely enjoyable or singularly frustrating depends on what you like. My own view leans heavily toward the latter. What I appreciate most about Adamo is his eye for beauty.
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Release date: 9/15/2002
Reviewed on: 4/29/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: Claudia, Brigitte, Michelle, Sandy, Christina, Alberto Rey, Steve Holmes, Nick Lang, Claire, Claudia Clair, Michelle Wild, Bob Terminator, Mandy Bright, Robby Blake, Claire Robbins, Csoky Ice, Svytlana Pulse, Michele Gabriel
Directed by: Kovi, Antonio Adamo, John Walton, Andrew Youngman, Little Al
Review brief: Little Als Restricted Area and Andrew Youngman & John Waltons Wild Wheel Sex may be reason enough to pick up a copy of Privates Wild Adventures, number 7 in the companys Reality series. Thats not easy to say since these two scenes comprise only about 25 of the total movie. In distinctly different ways, however, they demonstrate how good porn can be with a little technical know-how and some imagination. Not that the rest of the film is in any way substandard Private fare. But thats all it is, standard issue. Antonio Adamo weighs in with yet another Roman scene, Romani Erectus, an MMF scenario that, except for the set, has about as much to do with Rome as Spaghetti-Os. On the other hand, it isnt quite as artificial as Kovis No Brake Girls and another segment called Bon Appetit. Both of these scenes are two-couple affairs. In Private movies, that means the girls rarely if ever touch each other and sooner or later one of them will be abandoned in order to squeeze in the obligatory double-penetration shots.
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Release date: 2/12/2003
Reviewed on: 4/16/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: David Perry, Alissa [I] (ambiguous), Francesco, Franco Roccaforte, Lynn Stone, Gina Blonde, Bob Terminator, Mandy Bright, Ramon Nomar, Vanessa Virgin, Robby Blake, Greg Centauro, Gina Dossantos, Fabiola Dos Santos, Csoky Ice, Lisa Hotlipps
Review brief: Two Asses in the Snow. Thats the title of the sixth segment in Singularity, the eleventh installment in Privates Reality series. It has a certain frigid ring to it. This, of course, is the problem. What I didnt like about Singularity is that all of the sex scenes have in common a businesslike approach that doesnt waste much time on passion. In the sixth scene, Gina Blonde and Vanessa Virgin are used by three guys like a couple of those latex sex dolls that advertise easy access to every orifice, except that these dolls come with a voice chip that moans with simulated orgasmic pleasure. The following sceneanother of Antonio Adamos elegies to Roman decadence called Veni, Vidi, and Vice (I came, I saw, and vice?)begins with Liza and Alissa unenthusiastically marking time with each other until Bob Terminator shows up for his Porno 101 lesson. The films other sex scenes arent quite as bad as these, but they arent much better either. Lucrecia Del Toros Aristocratic Sex is set in pre-Revolution France.
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Release date: 2/24/2003
Reviewed on: 4/16/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: Billy Glide, Randy Spears, Shanna McCullough, April, Eric Masterson, Maya Divine, Olivia Saint, Aria, Stormy Daniels
Directed by: Jim Enright
Review brief: Forty-one year old Randy Spears (looking exactly like 41-year-old Randy Spears) begins Wickeds Best Friends as a college student preparing to leave for med school. April Flowers, his much younger-looking best friend, is worried that they may never see each other again. Written by Melissa Monet, this is the story, told vignette-style, of the ups and downs of their relationship over a period of several years, during which Randy gets married, has a couple of kids, and gets divorced, and April experiments with lesbian love, takes up with kinky Eric Masterson, and dumps him when she catches him screwing around with the couple next door. Its the story of two best friends who go their separate ways only to wind up together again, unattached, and mature enough to finally admit their love for one another. Thats the story, all right. Of course, its crap. Its crap because all the interesting stuff happens off-screen. Well, not all of it; Ill get to that later. Randys first sex scene is with Aria and it takes place on their wedding night.
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Release date: 2/18/2003
Reviewed on: 4/7/2003
Studio: Adam & Eve
Starring: Billy Glide, Steve Hatcher, Chris Cannon, Mike Horner, Nina Hartley, Joel Lawrence, Justine Romee, Alexis Amore, Nikita Denise, Kelly Warner
Directed by: Roy Karch
Review brief: Adam & Eves Mail Order Bride proves one thing: the girls do not control their sex scenes. Alexis Amore, interviewed before the shoot in a Behind the Scenes segment, says that she loves it doggie-style, that she hopes they do a lot of it in her scene. Her scene is with Mike Horner and the plain fact is they dont do it doggie-style at all. I wont say that Alexis disappointment is our pleasure, but in general its good to know that some directors actually direct the sex they show in their films. After all, its not much fun bashing the girls when it doesnt work out. The nice thing about this picture is that no bashing is required. The story is written around a mail order bride business owned and operated by Joel Lawrence and his mail-order wife, Nikita Denise. Its not so much a story with a plot as it is a situation with a sub-plot. The business is the situation; the sub-plot is an introduction gone bad.
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Release date: 12/18/2002
Reviewed on: 4/6/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: John Decker, T.T. Boy, Sindee Coxx, Kyle Stone, Mikki Taylor, Azlea, Katie Gold, Lauren Montgomery, Rayveness, Renee LaRue
Directed by: Jim Enright
Review brief: Crazy Like a Fox deals with a private investigator (Azlea Antistia) sent to a psychiatric hospital by the Attorney Generals office to investigate claims of corruption and abuse by the warden and his staff. Posing as a patient, and with the help of an idealistic administrator (Lauren Montgomery), Azlea discovers that the female patients are the main attraction in sex tapes being made by the staff and sold on the black market. This is one of those stupid porno stories that shoots itself in the foot; stupid because its a serious story that cant possibly be taken seriouslyby either the filmmakers or the viewersand still be erotically effective. Its the narrative equivalent of marketing a hidden camera movie and starting it off with a disclaimer that says the situations were staged and the performers are professionals. So its no surprise that the girls are into the sex and dont appear to feel as though theyre being abused in any way. Well, not quite all the girls.
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Release date: 1/20/2003
Reviewed on: 3/31/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: David Perry, Mike Foster, Frank Gun, Alberto Rey, Leslie Taylor, Barbarella, Claudia Jamsson, Steve Holmes, Nick Lang, Claudio Meloni, James Brossman, Rita Faltoyano, Dora Venter, Lynn Stone, Toni Ribas, Mandy Bright, Barby, Brenda Logan, Tiffany Diamond, Henriette, Dieter Von Stein
Directed by: Antonio Adamo
Review brief: Its not easy to imagine. A professionally produced feature film, an acclaimed director at the helm, an attractive castit seems ludicrous, impossible, yet Antonio Adamo has done it. Hes managed to make lesbian sex look pathetic. This has nothing to do with taste or preference. Some people like girl/girl, some people dont. Thats never stopped the girls from getting off just the same. No, what Adamos done here, in the conclusion of his Gladiator trilogy, is put on film a visual representation of the sexual chauvinism that preaches a good fuck is all thats standing between a lesbian and real sex. While Lynn Stone and Barbarella moan with heterosexual orgasmic pleasure in the foreground of the movies second scene, a couple of chicks remain interminably locked in a weak, quiet 69 in the background. Adamos close-ups dont add any excitement to the tryst; they merely clarify how unsatisfying it must be. Bad girl/girl is rife in the porn industry, but its rare to find a scene that makes it look quite as pointless as this one does. Pointless, too, is the Roman setting.
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Release date: 2/19/2003
Reviewed on: 3/30/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: David Perry, Claudia Jamsson, Karl Ben, Nicol, Julia Taylor, Rita Faltoyano, Mick Blue, Bob Terminator, Black Widow, Gina Callesi, Seurine
Directed by: Antonio Adamo
Review brief: I dont want to come across as superficial, but Rita Faltoyano (no offence, Rita) does not have perfect tits. Its a measure of how goofy Privates Big Member is, however, that she is introduced with exactly these words, as a girl with perfect tits. Theyre big, theyre round, and Im sure shes quite proud of them, but didnt anyone notice the protruding mole on her left breast? Akira Fubuki she aint. Minor point? How about this? The story is ostensibly about a whole society forbidden to have sex by a tyrannical leader known as Big Member. In reality, its about a bunch of people who complain about not being able to have sex even as they indulge themselves at every opportunity. Trying to make sense out of the story here is worse than a waste of time because it will only distract you from the sex. Trust me, its a distraction you dont need; youll have your hands full trying to fight through director Antonio Adamos arty photographic shifts. I think Id like this movie if Adamo had shot it straight.
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Release date: 10/17/2002
Reviewed on: 3/30/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: Alexandra Silk, Sindee Coxx, Lexi Eriksson, Stacy Valentine, Alex Sanders, Jonathan Morgan, Mickey G.
Directed by: Jim Enright
Review brief: The best-looking babe in Wickeds 1996 release Allure is 23-year-old Lexi Erickson. She plays a high-priced call-girl whose job it is to distract one of the security men at a small museum so that jewel thief Stacy Valentine can make her move on the fabulous Allure diamond. Initially, Lexi comes off as neither call-girl nor porn star; she looks positively nervous at times, an impression supported by the fact that Lexi was just starting out in the business in 1996. She warms up to the part when she goes down on her knees. That helps: it makes even her trepidation cute. And in porn, experience isnt always all its cracked up to be. Earlier, Sindee Coxx takes Jonathan Morgan in her mouth and gives him one of those granny-style blowjobs (lips curled in and under) that are never particularly exciting. Lexi, the relative novice, gives giving head a good name, while all the while Mickey G. keeps looking at her like a guy savoring his occupational perks. Sindee eats pussy better than dick anyway, and so does Mickey G., which is to say Mickey eats pussy pretty well for a guy.
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Release date: 11/25/2002
Reviewed on: 3/27/2003
Studio: New Machine
Starring: Ed Powers, Randy West, Monique, Jeanie Rivers, Briana Banks, Kylie Wilde
Review brief: As I understand it, the appeal of Ed Powersthe man, not so much the filmmakeris that hes a kind of everyman with whom the viewer can identify. Watching him make it with pretty, young girls gives hope to the poor slob with a more common physique than all those buffed up porn stars. Be that as it may, Ed Powers does less than nothing for me--less, because I lose all interest in a scene when he makes an appearance before the camera. He exudes that creepy dirty-old-man odor that even today wafts up unpleasantly from the sweaty underbelly of porn. Which isnt to say that Powers, when he stays behind the camera, doesnt occasionally capture a little lightning. Both sides of Ed Powers are on display in Briana Banks Exposed. Briana is featured in three scenes and her unfortunate willingness to screw Powers ensures that he will appear in each as a performer. The middle scene, however, starts differently, with Powers encouraging Briana to let his cameragirl touch her pussy.
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Release date: 12/9/2002
Reviewed on: 3/24/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: Shay Sweet, Julia Ann, Randy Spears, Mike Horner, Stephanie Swift, Joel Lawrence, Dillion Day, Devinn Lane, Lee Stone, Nicole Sheridan, Nikita Denise, Jenna Haze, Lezley Zen
Directed by: Brad Armstrong
Review brief: Sex on Film tells the story of film student Joel Lawrence who, thanks to girlfriend Jenna Haze, snaps to the bright idea of making a porn movie for his thesis project. And not just any porn movie, eitherevery porn movie. His script (its one of those deal-with-the-devil stories) is so generic that if it had been seen in Repo Man it would have had a white cover sheet with Porn Script written across it in big black block lettering. On his way to an F for originality, writer/director Brad Armstrong burns up most of Joels story with another porno convention, the talent search. I dont suppose any of this would be anything more serious than another wasted opportunity except that in this case the sex is as uninspiring as the storyline. The sex isnt bad, its conventional. Well-produced, crisp and clear, but typical American porn fare just the same; another sad case of a director failing to grasp the pointlessness of grafting narrative onto a sex film without a meaningful attempt at integrating the two.
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Release date: 2/4/2003
Reviewed on: 3/18/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: Nick East, Tom Byron, Alex Sanders, Vanessa Chase, Chasey Lain, Barbara Doll, Nicole Lace, Alex Jordan [I] (female)
Directed by: Fred J. Lincoln
Review brief: Crass commercialism and a complete disregard for the consumer. This, at least, is the answer that springs most readily to mind when watching a movie like Wickeds 1994 release, Domination, which is one of those films that begs the question, Whats the point of slapping a wholly inappropriate title on a porn movie? True, it happens in Hollywood, toowitness Ballistic: Ecks vs. Severbut such instances are rare indeed compared with the institutionalized mistitling that goes on in Porn Alley. Whatever happened to the simplicity (and accuracy) of a title like Deep Throat? Its not unreasonable to suppose that the quality of porn would rise if porno titles were strictly regulated to ensure accuracy. If what you read on the boxcover was what you got, Id much prefer to watch Nympho Cheerleaders than Chicks Who Briefly Appear in Cheerleader Outfits Go Wild. In Domination, Chasey Lain stars as a woman who hears echoing voices in her head that tell her to drop the submissive act and demand the respect shes due from her psychologically abusive husband.
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Release date: 1/17/2003
Reviewed on: 3/18/2003
Studio: New Machine
Starring: Ed Powers, Nikki Dial, Ember, Nika DeVita, Lieng Lu, Ted Wilson, Gina Diamond
Review brief: Nikki Dial Exposed begins with a smiling, engaging, and very young Nikki in a scene from Ed Powers Dirty Debutantes 23. Even Ed, nearing 40, looks comically youthful. The scene, though standard Powers fare, is, thankfully, not one in which Ed takes a sexual role; the closest he comes to making love to Nikki is licking her juices off the dildo shes just finished using. Typically sloppy, the scene begins with a dog whining in the background, a little dog we eventually see nosing up to Nikki on the sofa; at one point the telephone rings. It takes a girl with a certain star power to fight through this nonsense and emerge with her aplomb intact, and Nikki does it, delivering a short, but effective masturbation performance along the way. One could wish that movies like this were made with loving care by people who genuinely respected their featured talent. But this is porn, and one could as successfully wish for accurate movie titles, coherent storylines, or directors who understand the difference between fucking and eroticism.
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Release date: 3/6/2003
Reviewed on: 3/4/2003
Studio: Adam & Eve
Starring: Steve Hatcher, Alex Sanders, Randy Spears, Pat Myne, Eric Masterson, Mika Tan, Miko Lee, Kianna, Kamiko, Kianna Dior, Nyomi Marcela
Directed by: Bud Lee
Review brief: Hi. Im Kamiko. My friend Miko Lee invited me to her house. Watch me fuck Steve. So begins the second scene in Bud Lees enjoyable Miko Lee and Friends, a movie with a premise as awkward as Kamikos non sequitur. The idea is, Mikos girlfriends have all been invited to a no-boys-allowed pool party. But this isnt an all-girl movie. Each scene but the fourth starts with one of the girls making it with a guy before moving on to the party (a party that never materializes, by the way). The fourth scene is the only girl/girl scene in the film. It stars Miko and Kianna Dior. Miko doesnt do a lot of girls, but it isnt as though she hasnt tasted pussy either. To watch her here, though, is guaranteed to make you wonder if she only goes lez for a paycheck or as a favor. The scene begins with Miko and Kianna catching up with the news of their careers. I dont believe Miko ever once looks Kianna in the face, let alone the eye. She plays the whole introduction with her eyes downcast as if she were staring at girl/girl for the first time and not at all sure she made the right career move.
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Release date: 1/24/2003
Reviewed on: 3/2/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: Sindee Coxx, Steve Hatcher, Evan Stone [I] (straight), Shayla LaVeaux, Cheyne Collins, Noname Jane, Lee Stone, Tanya Danielle, Marty Romano, Samantha Sterlyng, Calli Cox, Jenna Haze, Aria
Directed by: Barry Wood
Review brief: Help me out, will you? Ive got this great idea for a porn film. See, this chick gets conked on the head andandwhats that? Then we string a bunch of sex scenes together? Thats brilliant. Dont worry, Ill share the story credit with you. Porn really doesnt need to contribute to its own stereotype, does it? Yet I think the conversation between Barry Wood and Sindee Coxx regarding the Private release Your Time Is Up must have gone substantially like this, except that their chick (played by Jenna Haze) doesnt take a blow to her head, she takes a john to a motel room. Other than that, its identical, and the credits dutifully record Barry and Sindees cadaverously thin story collaboration. My guess is that because they managed to work the title into the dialogue at the end of the movie, Barry and Sindee thought they had a story.
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Release date: 7/3/2002
Reviewed on: 2/22/2003
Studio: Private
Review brief: What do you do with a sampler disc? Well, if youre a reseller, you check out its title listings, each with a brief synopsis, and try to decide which movies are worth adding to your stock. Then perhaps you check your list against the trailers. If youre an ordinary porn consumer, you skip right to the hardcore scenes. Privates DVD Sampler 5 includes a host of titles in various series, 20 trailers, and 3 triple-X scenes (which clock in at about an hours worth of sex). If youre a reseller, your return on investment might be worthwhile; if youre not, youd be better off adding the cost of this disc to your porno slush fund and waiting for something better to come along. Quantitatively an hour of sex on a sampler disc isnt bad. On the other hand, the lack of a Play All option means that you have to keep reaching for the remote, which, depending on how you use your porn, can be inconvenient. The real problem, though, is that the three scenes selected are not among Privates best. Two are fantasy episodes and all are threeways.
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Release date: 12/18/2002
Reviewed on: 2/16/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: Steve Hatcher, Kylie Ireland, Randy Spears, Brad Armstrong, April, Cindy, Cherie, Lezley Zen, Avy Scott, Cindy (Czech), Sydnee Steele
Directed by: Jonathan Morgan
Review brief: For oncea porno title with some resemblance to the actual product. Wickeds Something So Right is right is on target, delivering hot sex and a story that works. Simple enough not to interfere with the sex yet basic enough to tap into our collective experience, the story does what any good porno story ought to do: it turns up the sexual heat by giving us a stake in the characters lives. It helps that the cast is headed by Randy Spears, who may be the best actor working in porn today. His marriage, once so exciting, is on the rocks and his wife (Syndee Steele) has marginalized his very existence. All she wants is an excuse to leave him for her well-heeled lover.
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Release date: 11/25/2002
Reviewed on: 2/16/2003
Studio: Wicked
Starring: Shay Sweet, Kelsey Heart, Ruby, Roxanne Hall, Missy, Felecia, Randy Rage, Charlie, Shayla LaVeaux, Dolly Golden, Stephanie Swift, Nici Sterling, George Kaplan, Brooke, Syren, Mandi Frost, Antonia
Directed by: Brad Armstrong
Review brief: According to her audio biography, Syren, the pretty Oriental who gets squaw duty in Brad Armstrongs The Good the Bad and the Wicked, carefully selects the movies she appears in, preferring those films that really showcase her acting ability. Maybe thats true. But I guess sometimes a check is nice, too. I cant imagine what else would have drawn her to appear in this picture. Though the boxcover, with its chicks in Old Western garb and the tagline, Missys in town with a few days to thrill, gives an impression of narrative, Wicked is, instead, a collection of seven more or less random sex scenes strung together like beads on a thin Western theme. No, not a theme, a gimmick: the sheer number of sex scenes tells you that much. Clocking in at just under an hour and a half, this film cant support seven sex scenes AND a story, or pay anything more than lip service to the Old West. So, sure, Missy rides into townpacking a big bag of nothing. Its up to the towns unofficial historian to jumpstart the action.
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Release date: 12/30/2002
Reviewed on: 2/10/2003
Studio: New Machine
Starring: Felecia, Linda Thoren, Bridgette, Rayveness, Monty, Melina
Review brief: On display in the New Machine compilation Felicia Exposed is a six-scene selection of Felicias work with 4-Play and Evil Angel directors Ed Powers and Randy West. So right away you know what youre in for: six straight cheesy motel/bedroom sets, low-budget production values, a bunch of third-tier lookers, one-camera shoots, and a lot of cross talk with the director/cameraman. Of course, after a list like that, Im supposed to say, And lots of great sex!to punch it up with a little twist, you know. But Im not going to do that; not because its expected, but because it isnt true. Ed and Randy make films on the cheap and sometimes they work. A film like this gives you an idea why. In addition to the revolving door that constantly brings in new girls, there are those little interviews that begin each scene and which give the viewer a slight sense of who hes looking at. The formula succeeds because, in a porno sense, these young girls arent generally very experienced and dont have a lot to say: one scene is about all we need.
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Release date: 1/30/2003
Reviewed on: 2/10/2003
Studio: Peach
Starring: Jenna Jameson
Review brief: If youre not careful, the Interviewing Jenna disc will drive you crazy. Its one of those interactive jobs that doesnt even have a Play button. What it has instead is three main sectionsJust Jenna, Interview Jenna, and Jennas Staffand there wouldnt be anything wrong with that except that the menu comes up with the first of these, Just Jenna, selected. Thats a problem because if you choose that route, you wind up circling back on the action a couple of times. I may be old-fashioned, but I think the option of seeing the movie in order ought to come first. Here, that option comes second. (The decision to put Just Jenna first must have been based on the argument that if the sex doesnt begin right away, viewers will tune out. Call me crazy, but it seems to me anyone putting on a movie called Interviewing Jenna isnt going to tune out if it starts with an interview.) Sadly, the menu is the least of this films problems. According to the liner notes on the boxcover, Your first assignment for Peach Magazine takes you into the secret life of superstar Jenna Jameson.
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Release date: 10/28/2002
Reviewed on: 2/5/2003
Studio: Hustler
Starring: Brandon Iron, Kyle Stone, Sabrina, Kennedy, Aurora Snow, Kianna, Gino Greco, Buddy Cox, Brett Rockman, Domenica
Directed by: Spike Zone
Review brief: The Jail Babes series is about four years old at this writing. Thats worth knowing. It dates the onset of my affliction. I call it porno myopia, for lack of a better term and for lack of a better explanation of how Ive managed to sit this series out all these years. To judge by Jail Babes, Vol. 23, Ive got a lot of catching up to do. I dont know that I can help the JB veterans out there. I cant tell you that this film is better or worse than previous installments. I cant tell you what sets it apart or whether its all of a piece with everything that has come before. What I can tell you, though, is that its 90 minutes of exceptional porn. So naïve was I that when I came upon this title I thought it was a prison flick. Well, for those of you in the same boat as I was (no doubt with a less embarrassing explanation for your presence there), Ill dispel that notion right now. Jail Babes, Vol. 23 is a collection of five sex scenes featuring four female porn stars who, at one time or another, were arrested and taken to jail.
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Release date: 7/24/2002
Reviewed on: 2/4/2003
Studio: Private
Starring: Frank Thring, Danyel Cheeks, Aysha Hart, Marianne La Monte, Melanie Rowan, Donna Starr, Allen, Peter, Olaf Sachenweger, Sam Weston
Directed by: Steve Perry
Review brief: Maybe its just me, but doesnt being a lord and leader of an order of monks solely devoted to carnal pleasures kind of lose its allure when your cock and balls are floating in a box in one of the dimly lit rooms of your grand manor house? It doesnt seem particularly troubling to Lord Edward of Willoughby, leader of the Order of St. Judas. The mans got moxie, Ill give him that. Id give him a cigar if I thought hed forgive the Freudian faux pas. Anal Manor, Privates second feature film, from 1993, is about what happens when American rock star Rosanna (Danyel Cheeks), her female assistant (Donna Starr), and her chauffeur experience car trouble on the way to a concert and have to seek shelter in Lord Edwards rambling abode. No mere coincidence, this is synchronicity of the highest order. Rosanna, who has never found a man who could keep up with her sexually, suddenly finds herself in a house filled with horny monks who have no trouble getting up for that erotic challenge. Where Rosanna is concerned, however, the monks have to wait, which, as it happens, isnt much of a hardship.
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Release date: 8/30/2002
Reviewed on: 2/4/2003
Studio: VCA
Starring: Rebecca Bardoux, Nikki Sinn, Tiffany Mynx, Sharon Kane, Randy Spears, Debi Diamond, Justin Case, Joey Silvera, Crystal Wilder, Bionca, Jon Dough, Kiss, Shawnee Cates, Stacy Nichols, Lacy Rose, Melanie Moore, Alex Jordan [I] (female), Terry Thomas
Directed by: Jim Holliday
Review brief: Return of the Cheerleader Nurses is an odd little movie about a group of ladies who all share the same name. Theres Mary Jane, Mary Ellen, Mary Jo, and so on. I didnt get it. Maybe someone was trying to tell us that all women are the same, or only superficially different from one another, and so theyre interchangeable. Thats kind of heavy. Maybe someone just thought it was funny. I still dont get it. Return of the Cheerleader Nurses is a sad, ultimately uplifting little drama about a man devastated by the theft of his prized baseball card collection. He cries, he mopes, he prays, and somehow all this self-pity pays off: his collection is returned to him intact. No wonder porn is for adults: what kind of message would this send to our kids? Return of the Cheerleader Nurses is also a spooky ghost story. Or something. At any rate, theres a guy who literally disappears at the end. I dont know why.
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Release date: 12/19/2002
Reviewed on: 2/4/2003
Studio: Digital Sin
Starring: Taylor, Monica, Brooke, Cherokee, Cameron
Review brief: I guess if I ever get hooked up to one of those machines that registers where your eyes are focused on the TV screen, I wont embarrass myself. You see, I dont much care for tattoos. Oh, sure, some are better than others. The ringed tattoo on Charmane Stars arm is all right, for instance. Its relatively tasteful and doesnt particularly distract the eye. The dolphins jumping around Chandlers navel I find much less acceptable in terms of size and position. The bigger the tattoo is and/or the closer it gets to a girls breasts or vagina, the less I like it. Nor do I care for back tattoos and ass tattoos. If I never saw another tattoo I think I could live with that. Anyway, one of the stars of Little Lace Panties 5 is a guy named Julian. Julians got a lot of tattoos, and theyre big ones, too. Hes got a chick in a short skirt on his abdomen, a large colorful something or other on his arm and shoulders and who knows what all else. But heres the thing: if he were a chick Id avoid his movies, especially this one, in which he stars in no fewer than three scenes.
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Release date: 5/28/2002
Reviewed on: 1/29/2003
Studio: Hustler
Starring: Nick Lang, Kylie, Lei, Mark Ashley, Ayako Tamura, Csoky Ice, Jang, Da, Tum
Directed by: Ray Anderson
Review brief: Nick Lang plays butler to Jangs mistress of the house in the first scene of director Ray Andersons Asian Fever 6. He lights her cigarette, feeds her a slice of watermelon, then takes up a larger slice with which to flavor Jangs nipples. After that, a couple of porn stars have sex. In the second scene, Chocky Ice, playing a horny neighbor, spots Da on her way into his building. He rushes to the elevator and conveniently bumps into her as she steps out. Its the perfect in: he invites her back to his place, serves her a glass of water. Then a couple of porn stars have sex. In the third scenehell, you get the idea. Anderson, like so many of his peers, directs two movies at once. No, hes not a master of multi-tasking, hes a multiple personality. Thats giving him too much credit actually: it takes a certain degree of creativity to form a second personality. I know, I knowthe bottom line in any sex film isnt the situation, the narrative, or the characters, its the sex. But look at it this way. If the plot is just so much filler, it isnt worth watching.
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