Darkmage's Movie Reviews (33 - page 2)
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/29/2000
Studio: VCA
Starring: Steve Hatcher, Julian, Stacy Valentine, Kylie Ireland, Temptress, Chloe, Juli Ashton, Vicca, Tyce Bune, Mr. Marcus, Ron Jeremy, Fiero, Georgina Spelvin, Julian St. Jox, Anthony, Marilyn Chambers, Jack Garfield, Rayveness, Todd Alexander, Eduardo, Doomy Moore, Veronica Hart, Gloria Leonard, Sasha Gabor, Steve Nelson, Scotty Schwartz, Arty Choke, Nikita Gross, Mark Kernes, Laurent Sky, Lee Garland, Chanze, Jack Rowan, Wit Maverick, Windy Nite
Directed by: Veronica Hart
Review brief: The Plot: Whee! Lots of plot, lots of dialogue, and lots of characters. Ah, porn at it's finest. So what if we've seen the plot before? I'll bet you won't see it done as well for a long time. Our movie follows the adventures of Senator Ballworth, an obvious homage to the movie Bullworth (another excellent film, I must say), who is on a crusade against smut and porn. While on the way to a fundraiser, the esteemed senator decides to view one of her visual aides, a porno tape called Still Insatiable . The movie features a young couple who are in a sex booth performing for some actor with the wrong agent (heh). After arriving at the fundraiser, she reaffirms her commitment to the end of smut while her chauffer keeps the engine and internals warm in the parking lot (hey it got me hot, I suspect the engine block was nice and toasty). After doing the dog and pony show for the contributors, the senator goes home and decides to seduce the bodyguard. Quick tip, you probably aren't supposed to stay that close to your client.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/19/2000
Studio: Vivid
Starring: Lovette, Mickey Lynn, Tony Tedeschi, Vince Vouyer, Mr. Marcus, Stephanie Swift, Jon Dough, Toni James, Raina, Lexus Locklear
Directed by: Paul Thomas
Review brief: The Plot: Ah... Debbie. I grew up with the original Debbie Does Dallas, and I'm sure everyone remembers the wonderful sense of innocence gone awry that the first film produced. Well, you can forget all of that, because Debbie has been reincarnated in the form of Lexus, who looks more like a porn star than a cheerleader. Go figure. Clueless and innocence are not synonymous. But Debbie movies have plot! And what a plot it is, filled with determination, perseverance, and triumph of good over evil. Ah, who am I kidding? It's a porn plot, it doesn't have to make sense. Debbie's car breaks down while hauling her friends around town, and she takes it to the mechanic for him to work his magic on the poor Pontiac. Well, he pronounces it deceased, and Debbie spies the perfect replacement: an aging white & purple schoolbus. Debbie has this wild vision of her and her cheerleading friends riding around town, partying wherever they go, and generally getting into naked mischief.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/18/2000
Studio: Vivid Raw
Starring: Bobby Vitale, Pat Myne, McKayla, Envy, Violet Love, Kaylynn, Keri, Jade Marcela, Mirage
Directed by: Robby D
Review brief: The Plot: What plot? It's a gonzo, so by definition we have no plot. There is this theme of someone with a handheld video camera peeking in windows and watching people have sex. It kind of runs like this: we start with a view from the handheld camera which apparently only shoots in black & white, and with a flashing "[REC]" in red in the corner. I suppose we are to believe that we are watching this through the viewfinder. We watch as our perverted cameraman approaches and films the characters in the scene getting within striking distance. At that point, we cut to a more traditional porno angle, and in color. Every now and then we cut back to the long shot from the "black and white" camera, just to remind you that someone is watching. The cameraman will duck around a bit, trying not to be seen, to add realism. Uh-huh. Sure. I'll admit it right now, I'm not a really big fan of gonzo. In fact, this is my first review of a gonzo film. Since I always include a plot section, I am a bit at a loss for what to say here. Let me just say that I miss my porn plot. Sigh.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/12/2000
Studio: VCA
Starring: Michael J. Cox, Ian Daniels, Steve Hatcher, Kyle Stone, Stacy Valentine, Chris Cannon, John Strong, Juli Ashton, Randy Spears, Tina Tyler, Vicca, J.J. Michaels, Anita Cannibal, Nikita, Keri Windsor, Peris Bleau, Crystal Crawford, Horny Little Man, Cris Canon
Directed by: Antonio Passolini
Review brief: The Plot: Oh, how I love a movie with a plot! It doesn't have to be a completely consistent plot, but something with dialogue always gets my attention. And this movie has some great dialogue, most of it delivered by Tina Tyler. Stacy does her part very well, including an audition for Time Travelling Lobster Boy that is hilarious. Nikita and Vicca add a touch of the exotic in their few lines, and Randy Spears puts in a great performance as the workaholic husband. I apparently grew up with too much poorly acted porn, because I am continually amazed when I seen good performances, such as the ones in DMJ6. The tough part is describing the plot without laughing. This movie has some hilarious moments in it, most of them visual, some of them subtle, and a few that fall into "you just had to be there". We start our movie with Satan interviewing the newest catch, Buffy (Anita Cannibal). We flash back three days earlier where we see Buffy living in her trailer and ignoring her husband who works in the slaughterhouse.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 3/6/2000
Studio: Zane
Starring: Asia Carrera, Lexi Eriksson, Sunset Thomas, Nici Sterling, Tami Monroe
Review brief: The Plot: Okay, get this: A group of aliens from another galaxy were sucked into Los Angeles during the 1994 earthquake, which was caused by the alien solar system and our aligning in a freak cosmic "oops". Now, they want to go home, but the device they're going to use to travel will cause another earthquake. That's okay, because the aliens plan on returning afterwards and ruling the rubble-strewn wasteland. Of course, no evil alien species would be complete without a weakness. Gee, what would a porn movie use as a weakness? You guessed it, the aliens need sex to survive! Damn, you would think that people who need sex to survive would be a hit in LA, but there is catch: It also appears that alien sex turns humans into mindless slaves. I think I dated her...
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 2/27/2000
Studio: VCA
Starring: Kelsey Heart, Steve Hatcher, Julian, Kyle Stone, Kylie Ireland, Christi Lake, Chloe, Chris Cannon, Tyce Bune, Chandler, Heaven Leigh, Shelbee Myne
Review brief: The Plot: We begin with Kylie Ireland watching a couple have sex through some very sophisticated surveillance equipment. It's amazing how it can get crisp video images through the wall without any hole for the camera... Anyhow, J. T. (Julian) follows our first Pornstress Pounding Pal to his office, and informs him that he knows all about his affair with the wife of a mob boss back east, and that the hit crew is on the way. After shooting the three tough guys (who look like Grateful Dead roadies) off camera, he turns over his private detective license to the police while the investigation takes place. Desperate for work, he takes a job doing "matrimonial work" and goes home to his fiancée. She doesn't believe his weird stories about life as a PI, and he goes to check on the "matrimonial work". After waiting for the new boss to finish with two blondes, Julian is assigned to follow the mistresses and record any other sex they may be having. Well, Kylie is busy getting the anal sex from somewhere else, and Julian's fiancée hires her to follow him while he follows them.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 2/27/2000
Studio: Digital Playground
Starring: Alexandra Silk, Billy Glide, Shay Sweet, Mark, Kelsey Heart, Claudia Chase, Emily Jewel, Allysin Chaynes, C.K. Blade, Ian Daniels
Directed by: Alexandra Silk
Review brief: The Plot: First, let me say that they did a good job on the opening credit sequence. I just wish it carried throughout the film. Alexandra Silk is writing a book about fetishes, and today she's researching stockings. This is really just an excuse to show us lots long legs in sheer stockings, and of people having sex with stockings. The format is very simple to understand: Alexandra is shown doing something mundane and you can hear her say something about stockings that is supposed to be insightful. We then cut to some completely unrelated venue, where two people have sex to some lousy synthoporn music. Simple, but effective. The Cast: Starring Alexandra Silk, Shay Sweet, Emily Jewel, Kelsey Hart, C.K. Blade, Allysin Chaynes, Claudia Chase, Ian Daniels, Billy Glide and Mark. Pretty average porn stars, in my opinion. Unfortunately, I don't know enough about porn stars to recognize most of them on sight, so I had to guess who was performing in what scene. Allysin Chaynes and Alexandra Silk were easy to pick out, but that's about it.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 2/11/2000
Studio: Vivid Wave
Starring: Tom Byron, Sindee Coxx, Rebecca Bardoux, Roxanne Hall, Kia, Alex Sanders, Alec Metro, Nicole Lace
Directed by: Paul Norman
Review brief: The Plot: You know, its a pity to start a review on such a downer, but this is really the failing point of the movie. The movie is supposedly about our favorite perpetually confused generation, with no role models and no goals in life, right? Being a member of the tail end of Generation X myself, I was hoping that this movie would have some people my age doing the old what have I done with my life? routine in a coffee shop. (This would, of course, lead to sex in the coffee shop.) I dont know what I was thinking. Its a porn movie, for nogs sake. This movie is completely devoid of any plot whatsoever. There is dialogue, there is some semblance of time passing linearly, but thats about it. Our plot follows the adventures of some apartment dwellers as they go through one day. We start with Tom Byron annoying the hell out of his neighbor Roxanne Hall by blasting his stereo and playing on his air guitar. We set up the fact that she cant work while he plays his music. Then, we jump jarringly to a photo shoot of Nikole Lace and Sindee Coxx, who are performing for Alec Metro.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 2/7/2000
Studio: Vivid
Starring: Nick East, Billy Glide, Tia Bella, T.J. Hart, Claudia, James Bonn, Elle Devyne, Veronica Caine, Sydnee Steele
Directed by: Ralph Parfait
Review brief: The Plot: Well, it's pretty typical for this kind of film. Our heroine, Jane (Tia Bella), is an assistant video editor to Mitch (James Bonn). What do they work on? Pornos, of course! Alas, Jane is a bit too uptight to really get into her work. Well, when she wanders off alone, she finds herself living out the scenes she's been editing, and gradually loses her inhibitions. There is a bit of a subplot with new roommate (Barett Moore) and her uninhibited ways (setting a good example is important for today's uptight video editors). Finally, our hero gets her to contact his old roommate, whereupon he walks in on the two of them. A threesome results (naturally), much to the delight of the passerbys. Did I mention the threesome was in a courtyard?The Cast: Okay, I have to admit, Tia Bella's got a nice body. Great skin, big breasts, and a wonderful smile. In fact, she's a pretty good actress. I kid you not, some of her dialogue with James Bonn is relaxed, natural, and doesn't even sound rehearsed (much).
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