Peepers (VCA) Review

The Plot: We begin with Kylie Ireland watching a couple have sex through some very sophisticated surveillance equipment. It's amazing how it can get crisp video images through the wall without any hole for the camera... Anyhow, J. T. (Julian) follows our first Pornstress Pounding Pal to his office, and informs him that he knows all about his affair with the wife of a mob boss back east, and that the hit crew is on the way. After shooting the three tough guys (who look like Grateful Dead roadies) off camera, he turns over his private detective license to the police while the investigation takes place. Desperate for work, he takes a job doing "matrimonial work" and goes home to his fiancée. She doesn't believe his weird stories about life as a PI, and he goes to check on the "matrimonial work". After waiting for the new boss to finish with two blondes, Julian is assigned to follow the mistresses and record any other sex they may be having. Well, Kylie is busy getting the anal sex from somewhere else, and Julian's fiancée hires her to follow him while he follows them. Confused yet? His first assignment is Chloe and babe X in the park. After following his follower back to the office to find out why she's following him, they decide to join forces (pretty funny dialogue, BTW). Well, he finds out that he's been stupid, and goes back to confront his boss. "Julian, you just confronted the boss, dumped your fiancée, and joined forces with a gorgeous redhead in your line of work. What are you going to do next?"

"I'm going to Kylie-land!!!!"

The Cast: Hooeee, we have a great cast this time, boys and girls. Kylie Ireland, Chloe, Christi Lake, Kelsey Heart, Chandler, Shelbee Myne, and Heaven Leigh. Those last two should be added to the Porno Pun Patrol, with the "editor", Heywood Jablomie. I'm serious, that's who's listed in the credits! Our male stars include Julian, Kyle Stone, Steve Hatcher, Chris Cannon and Tyce Buné. Great looking bunch, although somebody seems to think that all detectives must have two days' worth of stubble.

The Sex: We start our movie diving right into the sex! One couple, no waiting. Through various scene cuts, we find that Kylie Ireland is watching our couple bang in the next room using some surveillance equipment. Julian is in the parking garage listening in on the audio channel. This is actually a very good scene, and the actors (Heaven Leigh and somebody, I don't know who) move well together. Foreplay is done well, and they start off with her on her back and he is on his side doing the honors. Not a typical porno position, for which I am thankful. They switch to doggie style for a bit, and then go back to missionary for some anal work. Keeping in the anal theme, she hops on top for a reverse cowgirl. Each position change starts with a penetration shot, which is always a plus in my book. Good way to start off the movie. My only real complaint is that his dialogue consists exclusively of "Oh fuck" every two minutes or so. He also looks about as sharp as a bag of cotton balls, but that appears to be in character.

After a hard day of shooting bad guys, our hero goes home to his fiancée (Shelbee Myne) and spouts off more bad Dick Tracy lines. Somehow, this woman consents to sex with this guy, and they have a fun little scene on the bed. The lighting in this scene isn't too bad to begin with, but once the action starts. One note about Shelbee, she should stay away from doggie style because she has a humongous tattoo at the base of her spine that pretty much covers the white spot from her thong bikini. It's a black & white, heavily detailed design, and I personally hate it. Anyhow, they do some reverse cowgirl, the doggie style mentioned above, and some spooning. The choral background music is kind of strange but I can deal. I like the electric guitar, it's subtle.

Ah, and what of our gorgeous redhead who was spying on the mobster's wife and the unfortunate flunky? She's at home, complaining to her husband that her job is so traditional and boring. We establish that she wants something fun and adventuresome, like anal sex, that he's not comfortable giving to her. So they do it the old fashioned way in front of the fireplace, with a quick blowjob and some reverse cowgirl. Penetration shots! They lean forward for some doggie style, and they take a break for him to lick her as she braces herself against the couch. Let me go on record now that she is much more vocal than the previous two starlets, and it sounds good! Ladies, take note, guys love to hear encouragement like this. Recess over, they go to missionary for some enthusiastic fucking, and finish off with a cumshot on those magnificent breasts.

Our next sex scene isn't more than two minutes later, as our movie producer is "interviewing" two actresses (Christi Lake and Kelsey Heart) while our hero waits in the secretary’s office. They do a very good number on him, trading ends as necessary. He does one doggie style while she eats out the other, to a lot of moaning, screaming, and vocal encouragement. Holy shit, these three are loud! Everybody is giving encouragement to everyone else, and sonically, it is full of all kinds of noises. He trades girls and bangs Kelsey on the edge of the table while the Christi masturbates. These guys are energetic, too. He pounds her for all he's worth, and everybody's sweating by the end of it. Christi hops up for some anal reverse cowgirl action. Well, now that she's lubed up, he bends her over so her ass is pointing straight up and he starts doing her ass with long penetration shots. Don't try this at home, folks, these two are professionals. Well, he switches girls again, and starts banging Kelsey's pussy in some reverse cowgirl. Just to keep everything interesting, it looks like our anal-loving partner Christi sticks a finger up his ass (but she really doesn't). He finally cums for them, and there is much rejoicing. :) This scene is hot and everybody shows a lot of energy. Damn, this one kicks ass.

Well, with little intro, we find Kylie and apparently the stockroom boy going at it with our hero's wife waiting outside for some unexplained reason. Who cares, they're good together. After he attacks her clit with his mouth, she gives him a great blowjob. She has the most beautiful eyes, and they look great below her red hair, and above a disappearing dick down her mouth. I wish I could see that every morning! She's a squealer, as he bangs her on the copy table. He flips her over and bangs her ass while she stands up against the table, and stays there as he puts her back on the table. That table gets a lot of use. She fingers herself a lot while he slides in and out of her asshole, and it sounds like she's having a great time. I think they got paid by the coherent word, 'cause everybody is shouting encouragement in this film. Yet another good scene on this disc.

Ah, it's a bright, sunny day in the park, and our hero watches Chloe and Chandler having sex on a blanket in broad daylight. I need someplace to have my liaisons that is like this. It's close enough to the highway that you can hear cars passing by in the background. These two work well together, and the guitar-heavy grinding for background music helps the mood quite a bit. Chloe gets to do the oral honors first, and she does a great job on Chandler. Lots of slurping noises, and Chloe spits a bit too much. Well, Chloe gets her turn with this double-barreled purple dildo. This thing should be kept in a gun case! You have got to see it to believe it. It certainly does a number on Chloe, who goes absofuckinglutely wild on the end of this thing. You can almost see her brain shutting down as she gets off on this purple pussy pounder. Well, our other lady gets the double treatment with an anal bead dildo and some pink vibrating thing that looks like it belongs in a pastel version of Alien. Chloe takes her turn again, with two jello dildos. Her ass gets strawberry, and her cunt gets blueberry. Chloe gives an amazing performance! I do not know how this woman keeps higher brain functions after something like this. There are some extreme close-ups, which is really not my thing. I guess I'm intimidated by a four-inch asshole on my screen. But damn, this scene was good!

Well, our hero finally gets the girl, and they relocate to a bedroom instead of the boss's office. Good idea, IMHO. They strip (you don't see much of this) and he starts to eat her out (you do see a lot of this). We switch around, and Kylie gives Julian an energetic blowjob (she's quite good at this) to the sound of the synthoporn. She does this for quite some time, actually, but it's all good. We go to some doggie style for a while, and surprisingly, all of the wonderful words of encouragement that was in the last three scenes practically disappears in favor of the "Oh yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh." of your typical porn movie. There is some encouragement, but it doesn't really pick up until they shift position to missionary. They do that for a while, and then he cums on her chest. Good shot, by the way. Alas, this scene isn't up to the previous ones, but it's not bad by any means.

The Audio / Image: I like the music in the title sequence, which unfortunately doesn't last into the first scene. However, the music quality is a definite step above your typical synthoporn. The first scene has kind of a do-wop sound to it, the second has choral overtones... Not bad at all. There are some pans from side to side in the music every now and then, but the dialogue is even split between the left & right channels. A nice touch is that there is actually music during the non-sex scenes. You know, like a mainstream movie. The image is crystal clear, with no hint of artifacts, bad color, grain and the like.

The Extras: Scene Access, previews for Cashmere, Timeless and Still Insatiable, animated cast bios (with a "jump to my scene" feature! Yahoo!), a photo gallery, DVD credits and links to the WWW. The Internet link is actually pretty cool, even for those of us without DVD-ROMs. The menu isn't too bad, but the preview selection needs help. It is nearly impossible to see which one you've selected. Still, it's a simple layout throughout, pretty impossible to get lost. The polka music for the Timeless preview had me in stitches!

The Good: The sex is great, the music is better than average, the image is perfect.

The Bad: Guys, come up with something better to say than "Oh fuck." The plot has been done to death.

Overall: Get it & keep it, folks. At the very least, watch it once just to experience some of the loudest sex you've ever seen.