Female Athletes Review

Studio
Video X Pix

Genre
Golden Age Classic

Director
Leon Gucci

Starring
Annette Haven, Desiree Cousteau, Chris Cassidy, Bonnie Holiday,  Dorothy LeMay,  Paul Thomas, John Holmes, David Morris, Richard Pacheco, and others

Running Time
1:20

DVD Format
Single Sided, Single Layer (DVD-5)

Aspect Ratio
1.33:1 (full frame)

Special Features
Full motion video main menu and trailer for In the Pink

Typical Watchers
Golden Age porn fans

Typical Haters
Watchers who can't stand relatively non-explicit, short sex scenes shot in the late 70's

Replay Value
Medium

Themes
Classic porn, natural breasts, sex with subordinates, outdoor sex, non-facial cumshots, girl-girl, anal sex, orgy, underwater sex, furry muffs

Condoms
None used

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The Blonde

The full title of this Golden Age film is Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Female Athletes But Were Too Excited to Ask!, leading you to think that it's some sort of sports themed porno.  But before your dreams fill with Olympic gymnasts and roller derby jammers, just chalk up the title and the story to a writer looking for an excuse to string together a bunch of sex together.

Female Athletes stars the lovely Annette Haven as a magazine editor who describes how she rose to the top and brought her magazine back from near bankruptcy.  The action starts out almost immediately, with Annette getting eaten out by a lackey from the mailroom (David Morris).  After she milks his sperm into her hand, she turns to the camera and explains how she became the boss. Through flashbacks, we see how Annette nearly lost her job but not only kept it--by screwing her then-boss Paul Thomas on his desk--but became his business partner.

From there, the story goes from one sexual encounter to another without really doing anything for the plot.  A braless Annette goes running in the park and gives a rain-soaked hummer and a passionate quickie to a lucky jogger.   Annette meets a girlfriend at the fencing club and ends up in a "I'm not into girls, but this feels good" type of lesbian encounter in the sauna before John C. Holmes joins in to make it a threeway.   A black couple and a white couple engage in some martial arts before turning to the marital arts (including some rare anal sex).  I could have done without the stereotypical oriental music, but it's a decent scene--if for nothing else but to see the porn equivalent of blaxploitation.

Next there's a pool scene, where two couples eventually begin with oral sex in the pool.  Then the guys hug each other and then swap wives (that's why they called it the Swingin' Seventies!).  It's a unique scene since there's quite a bit of underwater footage in the pool, including two submerged pop shots--don't ask me who cleaned the pool afterward.

Annette then recounts how she and Paul got married (and banged each other on a yacht--nice visuals).  The "athletes" theme continues with two female pool hustlers taking two chauvinists to task.  As a huge fan of Dorothy LeMay, I loved this scene as she sucks her partner off to a big, spurting orgasm--no fucking and no need for her or the guy to jack off.  What a concept!   That brings us to the big ending orgy that takes place--you guessed it--on shag carpet.  It's a pretty good Golden Age lovefest, with a lot of blowjobs, several good cumshots, and some DP action.

A few things strike you as you watch this late 70's film.  First, Annette is amazing--she's got long brown hair, perfect breasts, and an innocent-yet-completely-at-ease take on sex.  Second, this is a classic example of the Golden Age feature: fun dialogue, furry muffs, natural tits, non-facial cumshots, few gyno camera angles, and relatively short scenes.   Finally, it stars a who's who of classic adult cinema:  Annette, Johnny the Wadd, Desiree Cousteau, Bonnie Holiday, Dorothy LeMay, Paul Thomas, David Morris, Richard Pacheco, and others.

Overall, it's a very good film.  The story is really weak, but the sex is almost non-stop and solid.  Not only does Female Athletes have an all-star cast, but the running time is on the long side for a theatrical feature.  With that, if you're a classic adult fan or curious about the era (now two decades gone), it's a movie worth picking up.  I just have two words that sum up why this title gets my frequent play, silly title or no:  Annette.  Haven.

- Saki (saki@sakivision.com)