Nurses of the 407 Review

Reviewed by andyblake  on  1/4/2002

Here is another porn film that follows the time-honored convention of parodying a mainstream movie or television show. Shot on a soundstage in San Francisco in 1982, the movie has the look and feel of the hit seventies and early 80s TV show, M*A*S*H. In fact, the overhead footage at the beginning of the film is the same outdoor set built for the mainstream show.

Paul Thomas plays the “Hawkeye” character, called “Jaybird,” and Joey Silvera plays the Radar character. The female lead, “hot hips Henderson,” is played by Jessie St. James, who looks remarkably like “hot lips Hoolihan.” St. James does a remarkable acting job, and even seems to have some of Loretta Swit’s style and mannerisms.

Unfortunately, this film’s close similarity to the show it is parodying is about the only thing it has going for it. The sex scenes are brief, a couple of them lack money shots, the women are average in the looks department, and the script is lame. The movie revolves around Herschel Savage coming in with a broken toe, and eventually being almost killed by the wonderful treatment of the 407th. This is not nearly as funny or witty as the average Jace Rocker comedy. The only bright spots are the charismatic St. James, and a girl name Kathleen Kristal, who only did a handful of films and had wonderful, natural breasts.

i-candy did a very nice job on what they had to work with, and supply a commentary with Gloria Leonard and Bill Margold, neither of whom was involved with the production of the film. In fact, neither of them even knew who made the film. Why couldn’t Paul Thomas, who is still alive and making films in porn valley, be bothered to take 74 minutes and comment on this movie? At least he would have known who the director was. Margold and Leonard are a little partial to the 70s style of porn. They praise the plot-driven movies and shorter sex scenes, and decry the 20 minute long sex scenes of modern porn. Leonard tells one anecdote, however, that hurts her case. She said that once she was shooting a scene with John Holmes and, after the director had gotten all he needed and yelled “cut,” she and Holmes went to another room and finished what they started. What they did off camera, she relates, was a lot more interesting than what the director filmed. Doesn’t that argue for keeping the cameras rolling for as long as it takes?

This film lacks the both the wit and the heat to make it very memorable. I appreciate that I- candy is trying to preserve some of the classics, but I would have left this run-of-the-mill exploitation pic to its well-deserved obscurity.