Dirty Birds (Platinum X Pictures) Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  1/27/2006

The Little Details

Running Time: 141 min.

Production Date: 3 / 2 / 2005

Director: Tim Von Swine

Cast: Alicia Rhodes, Isabel Ice, Michelle B., Poppy Morgan, Sophie Dee, John Strong, Jon Dough, Manuel Ferrara, Randy Spears, Robert Rosenberg, Steve Holmes, Tee Reel, and Toni Ribas

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I haven’t seen anything from Von Swine yet, but I’ve heard very good things about him and his movies. Even without that, with this cast I can’t help but have high hopes.

Initial Reaction: It’s just as good as I hoped!

Who Should Watch It : Fans of British women

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting an all anal movie

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are nicely done. The audio is clear and well balanced for the most part, but does stumble slightly a couple times. The video is much the same. It has just a hint of grain and is nicely lit. The only complaint I have about it is there’s a few fast pans and zooms that just didn’t work.

Music: None

Watermark Warning: There’s a very small and tasteful watermark in the lower right corner. It stays in the same place, so it was easy for me to filter out, but I mention it because I know that some people hate them with a passion. This one’s okay, but it’s moved in enough that it does sometimes interfere with the action.

Menus: The main menu is pretty good, and blends a bit of the movie and a little animation with the smoking hot picture of Alicia Rhodes from the cover. The chapter menu is also nicely done, and lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and the name of the girl in the scene.

The Feature

With Dirty Birds, Tim Von Swine focuses on those nasty girls from across the pond. Every girl is from the UK, and most of them aren’t afraid to take it in the bum. They frequently start things with a little tease before chatting with Von Swine, and then get right to the sex.

Scene 1 - Poppy Morgan and Tee Reel

Brunette Poppy introduces herself as the first dirty bird wearing a sexy matched black and maroon bra, panties, garter belt, and stockings. She teases the camera as she slowly strips down and diddles herself on a bed before moving to a couch to chat with Tim. Poppy shows him a bit of what she brings to the party before she’s joined by Tee, who kisses her briefly and then lets her drop down to mouth his manhood. Poppy gives him plenty of stroking, as well as some nice throat action and some very nice looks. Tee licks her pussy in return as Poppy lies back on the couch before moving her around so she can ride him cowgirl style. She turns around to take a reverse cowgirl ride as well, and takes a quick break to take off her clear spike heeled black porno pumps. Poppy sucks her juices off Tee’s cock before letting him fuck her from behind. Tee comes around front to let Poppy have several more tastes of his pussy juice soaked cock, and keeps letting her taste it as he fucks her missionary style. They get going so good they fall off the couch, causing Von Swine to laugh and encourage them to keep going. After a little more fucking when they move back to the couch, Tee pops in Poppy’s mouth. She plays with it a bit and tries to suck every last drop out before the scene fades out.

This is a hot start to the movie. Poppy normally impresses me with her energy and vocals, and that doesn’t change for this scene. I really love her outfit here, which showcases her body very well and is just damn downright sexy! She and Tee have nice chemistry throughout the entire scene, and Poppy doesn’t go wildly over the top like she has in some other scenes I’ve watched with her in it. I love it when they fall off the couch, and there’s also a part of me that loves Von Swine laughing and telling them to keep going. Poppy and Tee start things out right.

Scene 2 - Michelle B., Jon Dough, and Steve Holmes

Smoking hot dirty blonde dirty bird starts her scene out strutting down a staircase in a white bra and panties with black and pink accents. She plays with herself a little while showing off her fantastic body before things move back for her to chat with Von Swine. Eventually Swine lets in the cocks, so Michelle goes right to work sucking and stroking Steve and John. She mixes in a little titty fucking for the guys, and even lets them lay her head back so she can eat some man ass. Steve gets the pleasure of fucking Michelle’s pussy first, and gives it to her doggie style while John continues to stuff her mouth. She moves over to ride Jon cowgirl style before moving over to let Steve have her dirt box reverse cowgirl style. It doesn’t take Michelle long to request a cock in her pussy at the same time, and she takes the double penetration first in reverse cowgirl and then in the standard cowgirl with Steve staying on the bottom and Jon staying on top the entire time. Steve spoons Michelle’s ass while she sucks Jon’s cock next, before letting her get down to finish things up with an extremely impressive double facial.

This is a hot scene. Michelle takes on both guys with ease, and looks like she loves every single thrust into her pussy, ass, or mouth. As always, Michelle also looks gorgeous, and she looked so hot in her little outfit that I was sad to see her lose it as the scene went on. The camera work is a little too focused on Michelle for my tastes, as I really do like to at lest know who’s fucking her, but this is still a well done scene with plenty of heat and energy.

Scene 3 - Isabel Ice, John Strong, and Randy Spears

Isabel starts things out in a black bikini with many little blowers, bows, and a little bell chatting with the Swine. After teasing Isabel about the huge toy she brought with, she brings in the guys and gives the toy to Randy to start working on her from behind as she takes John into her mouth. Randy marvels at how well Isabel takes the toy up her ass, and then lets John fuck it reverse cowgirl style as Isabel gives him a little oral attention. Isabel hops off and sucks John’s cock clean the first chance he gives her, and later even eats his ass. She encourages the guys to double team her, letting Randy fuck her ass from behind while she rides John cowgirl style. Isabel goes back to letting John have her ass reverse cowgirl style while she sucks Randy and eats his ass, and of course mixes in a little more ass to mouth action. She has Randy join in for another double penetration as she keeps John’s cock in her ass. Isabel gets on all fours next, and encourages the guys to take turns fucking her ass from behind and having her suck them clean. She lets John fuck her pussy missionary style before finishing things up taking facials first from Randy and then John. Dirty bird that she is, Isabel swallows it all down with a smile after giving it a good gargle.

Repeat after me, “I will listen to Skronker. I will listen to Skronker. I will listen to Skronker...”. Yeah, I knew the Skronk-meister was into Isabel in a big way, but I had no idea that she was this good at what she does! Although I might not care for all her tats, she has a fantastic body and takes it in the ass like a champ. I love her spirit through the entire assfucking, and she manages to be very vocal without ever feeling forced. This is an energetic and vocal assfucking that feels completely natural. Isabel is a joy to watch, and I can’t help but look forward to more of her in the future.

Scene 4 - Sophie Dee and Steve Holmes

Von Swine talks about people holding signs as a sign of affection and sometimes passion as big tittied bottle blonde Sophie starts out with Steve holding her hand and kissing it while another’s wrapped around her shoulder. Steve moves on to play with her tits and suck them a little as Sophie chats with the Big Pig. When Tim gives them the go-ahead, Steve helps her to strip down and show her ass before having her lie back so he can eat her pussy. Sophie rewards him with a bit of knob gobbling before turning around and letting him fuck her doggie style on the tiger-print couch. Steve takes a break to eat her ass, and after a little more doggie fucking gives it to Sophie’s bald beaver missionary style. Steve moves around to spoon Sophie’s snatch so he can rub her clit and look into her eyes as they fuck while holding her close before letting her get on top to ride him in both cowgirls. They go back for a little more doggie fucking before Sophie gets her baby bird rewarded with a nice white worm from Steve’s cock. She sucks out the last little bit, shows it to the camera, and then swallows it down.

This is a pretty hot scene. Sophie has a fantastic body, and seems to get into the sex very well. There’s some decent chemistry between her and Steve, and there are many times when you can tell just how much he’s trying to make her enjoy herself. This is a much more laid back and normal scene than the last couple, but still a pretty good scene.

Scene 5 - Alicia Rhodes, Manuel Ferrara, Robert Rosenberg, and Toni Ribas

Dirty blonde bird Alicia starts things out in an orange and white bra and skirt with some darn sexy white and clear porno pumps showing off her fantastic body while talking dirty the entire time. Things move back so Alicia can chat with Von Swine, and she plays with her pussy and ass almost the entire time. After she jams four fingers in her ass and lets Swine spank her, he has her get down on her knees and brings in the guys. Alicia goes right to taking the guys into her throat, and doesn’t hesitate to eat some ass and let the guys get above her so they can skull-fuck her. They let her take off her shoes before she climbs onto Manuel for a cowgirl ride, so Toni moves in to keep fucking her face while Robert takes her right to a double penetration. Robert lets Toni fuck her ass when he moves up to taste her ass, and then fucks her pussy when she moves off to suck Toni and Manuel’s cocks. The guys keep trading back and forth as they double penetrate Alicia in both cowgirls, and even double team her ass. Alicia shows off a few gapes as they double team her, and continues to show them off as the guys fuck her ass in doggie and pile driver. They go back to double teaming her in the cowgirls, as well as in midair, before letting her get down to shower her face with spooge. Finally, Alicia gargles all the cum that went into her mouth and then swallows it down.

This is a great final scene. It’s full of nastiness, and with Alicia it seems completely natural. She and Manuel seem like a perfect match, and I love how he tried assfucking her with his balls while she shows off some of her monster gapes. Just because Manuel and Alicia get on so well doesn’t mean that the other guys are left out, as they get into it just as well. The double anal seems to fit into the scene rather than just seeming extreme, and helped to make this one heck of a hot scene. Alicia and the guys finish Dirty Birds on a high note.

Dirty Birds is a darn hot fuck flick. I’ll admit it, I’m a sucker for accents, and these girls have the trash talking down enough to turn me into a quivering pile of goo for most of the movie. Von Swine nicely mixes up the action by throwing in a couple one-on-one vaginal only scenes, but it’s the group scenes that really shine. Alicia Rhodes and Isabel Ice easily turn out the hottest scenes in the movie, and both of them seem to be completely into the scenes. While Alicia goes after her guys with intensity, Isabel shows an enjoyment that seems rare in hard DP scenes. As for the worst scene, as much as I enjoyed it I’d actually have to give it to Michelle B. I definitely can’t say that she disappointed me, and her turning out the weakest scene in the movie should be a good sign of how well this one worked for me. If that isn’t enough for me to love Dirty Birds, then there’s Von Swine’s credits. Hot sex and giving thanks to Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, and beer (just to name a few )? Tim Von Swine definitely earned a new fan with Dirty Birds, and I can’t wait to see more of his work.

The Extra Stuff

Trailers are included for Teen Fuck Holes, The Whore Next Door, Baker’s Dozen 3, and Firebush 2. The photo gallery lasts nearly four and a half minutes with roughly eight seconds per good looking snapshot. There’s also a bonus blowjob, a behind the scenes featurette, cumshot recaps, and weblinks.

The behind the scenes featurette lasts just shy of seventeen minutes. Von Swine starts things out chatting with Poppy about football before they discuss the various meanings of “shallow” during sex. After a little action, things move on with Michelle trying on a few outfits and talking about her preferring DPs to straight anal. Jake Malone announces the arrival of Isabel as she lugs in a huge honking suitcase and then shows off a few outfits. They have a little more fun with Isabel before Sophie shows some of why she earned a “No Thanx” in the closing credits, such as asking for more money to just dance around. She even whines about the possibility of her makeup getting smeared and refuses to kiss Steve because of it. Watching this, I hope Sophie realizes how lucky she was to not get the boot. Finally, Alicia talks about going fat and old guys before shooting some of her scene. This is a great behind the scenes featurette. Von Swine looks like he keeps an enjoyable set, and I love that he shows some of the problems with the talent rather than just doing an “everything’s wonderful” behind the scenes. This is definitely a behind the scenes featurette worth checking out.

Bonus Scene - Sophie Dee and Tim Von Swine

Von Swine starts out the bonus scene admiring Sophie’s great body, and giving her ass a good long look. She turns around when Swine mentions sucking some cock, and pulls his cock out so she can slowly suck it while giving him some great eyes. Sophie picks up the pace as she sucks him, and even gives Tim a good ball-washing when he tells her to suck his balls. She lets him fuck her titties as well as her mouth, and finishes things up letting Von Swine pop in her mouth after doing a great baby bird. Finally, Sophie swallows down the entire load.

This is a nice little bonus scene. It’s short but sweet, and nicely focuses on Sophie’s body and cocksucking skills. She gets into it quite nicely, and it looks like both she and Von Swine have fun through the scene. This is a very good bonus scene, and a pretty good cocksucking scene in general.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, tease, interracial, swallowing, group, titty fucking, rimming (male > female and female > male), anal, DP, toys, ass to mouth, and double anal penetration

Raincoat Factor: Very high

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many Platinum X DVDs can be found online for between $13 and $25, with a good portion of the stores offering them for under $20. This one’s definitely worth the money. The sex is darn hot and nicely captured. There’s some nice effort put into both the technical aspects and the extras. This is a very nicely done DVD.

Note to Platinum X / Tim Von Swine: I’m not sure what to say beyond great job! I love the “No Thanx” in the credits as well as showing some of the darker side in the behind the scenes. Keep up the great work!

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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