Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre Review

Reviewed by GGG  on  8/8/2009

Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (Wicked, 2005)

Edited and Directed by Jonathan Morgan

Written by August Warwick, Jonathan Morgan, Stormy Daniels

Plot Overview: A group of “teens” are driving to a Mettalicide concert, when they accidentally run over a homeless drifter four times, eventually killing him. After strapping him to the roof of the van, losing him, and breaking down, the group end up stranded at Camp Cuddly Pines, in the middle of some spooky woods. The group splits up, and they begin to get killed one by one by the crazed Camp Cuddly Pines killer. I’m not going to detail the narrative in between the sex scenes too much, because I don’t want to spoil it, but rest assured this is one of the best porn scripts in recent years, and the acting is top-notch.

Scene 1: Stormy Daniels, jessica drake, Voodoo, Tommy Gunn

Under Eric Masterson’s watchful camcorder, the rest of the group decide to get it on in the back of the van while they’re cruising along the highway. The whole scene alternates between regular footage and Eric’s POV camcorder footage, which is pretty hot, and mixes things up a bit. The scene starts out with Stormy giving Tommy a BJ, with some ball play, and quickly moves on to Jessica in cowgirl with Voodoo, while Stormy adopts her best position, reverse cowgirl, with a touch of clit-play. It’s a hot scene, with the added factor of the girls looking at each other and kissing while they fuck.

The girls switch partners, with Stormy in missionary with Voodoo, and Jessica in doggy with Tommy. Both girls engage in some clit-play and some mild dirty talk. Stormy sucks off Voodoo until he cums on her tits while she holds them together, and sucks him clean; Tommy cums in jessica’s mouth, finished off with her hand. Overall, the scene is surprisingly hot, and the boyfriend swap theme is a nice touch. The camera angles are decent, and I like the way the POV camcorder shots add a gonzo feel to it.

During this scene, I kept wondering about the glaring plot hole that no one is driving the van; well, they caught me out, as immediately following the sex, Eric asks, “Who’s driving the van?” Cue screaming, and several accidental running-overs of a homeless drifter, culminating in some nice blood spray across the windshield. The gang get out of the van, and, in a nod to National Lampoon’s Vacation, decide to tie the dead body to the roof of the van and go to the cops. The acting in this scene is great, as is the dialogue, and it’s really hard to say who is stealing the movie at this stage. Stormy is adorable, and Eric is awesome as ever, but I have to hand it to Voodoo for some great delivery. This was also filmed at a time before Voodoo started looking gaunt, and I still had a crush on him.

The van runs out of gas, as well as multiple other technical problems, and the group end up stranded at Camp Cuddly Pines, sans dead body. After splitting up, jessica and Stormy bump into a crazy caretaker, played by Mike Horner with typical aplomb. They sit around the campfire, and he tells them some scary stories that presumably will provide information about the Camp Cuddly Pines killer, but in reality provide the opportunity for some flashback sex scenes.

Scene 2: Kinzie Kenner and Scott Nails

This scene is clearly a homage to John Carpenter’s Halloween, in particular Halloween’s opening scene in which Michael Myer’s kills his sister. The 1958 setting allows for some cute 50s get-up, while the scenario means that there are a few cut aways to a heavy-breathing voyeur peeking through the window, for those who get off on that kind of thing. Kinzie and Scott start out kissing, and move into a BJ which is pretty loud and includes a touch of quagging; Kinzie works it with her hand too. Cut to doggy (the transitions aren’t to my tastes – they just cut to the new position, without showing the inbetween), with Kinzie’s skirt hiked up. Then they move into reverse cowgirl, and she works it pretty hard resulting in loud smacking sounds, which I’m not a big fan of. It’s way better when she grinds it, but this only lasts a second. They switch to piledriver, and finally she works his dick with her hand for a pop shot in her mouth. I found this scene a bit boring, but kudos to Kinzie for a pro move after the pop shot, where she drools the cum onto her nipple and then catches it back up with her hand.

The couple prepare to leave, and we see them get murdered with an electric carving knife POV style by the heavy-breather. It’s a kill in silhouette, with some neat blood spray up the wall, but definitely would be considered a cop-out by horror fans.

Scene 3: Manuel Ferrara, Katja Kassin, Rita Faltoyano, Rebecca Love, Taryn Thomas.

Another flashback scene: the creepy caretaker tells jessica and Stormy the tale of Pennsylvania Sanitorium for Women, where they house the criminally insane and wayward strippers. Manuel Ferrara works at the sanitarium, and while doing his rounds is “sexually accosted” by the inmates. An orgy ensues, involving all manner of positions: BJs, ball licking, cowgirl, cunnilingus, missionary, doggy, butt licking, reverse cowgirl, and most notably, all the girls piled on top of each other while the bottom girl licks clit and Manuel fucks the top girl in doggy. A BJ finish, with an impressive pop shot that portions out one pop per girl, and then back again (he misses the last girl, but only because he accidentally gave one of the girls two pops – hell, it’s still pretty impressive. Almost performance art…).

I have to say, this scene is pretty chaotic, and at times you can’t tell who is doing what, but this confusion kind of adds to the mood, and the girls stay in character throughout making “crazy” sounds. As anyone who reads my posts should realize, I think Manuel Ferrara is the hottest man in porn, so this scene was a winner for me.

Scene 4: Katie Morgan and Kris Slater

The last flashback scene: creepy caretaker continues his story, telling Stormy and jessica that the killer became a camp counselor after his 18th birthday. Cut to a Friday the 13th-esque scene with Katie and Kris on a jetty out by the lake. It’s 1985, so the lines and clothes are priceless, particularly Katie’s “rad” platform ankle heels. They decide to get busy on the jetty, starting with a pretty loud BJ, and moving on to standing doggy with Katie’s leg propped up impressively high. She still has her clothes on, but they’re hiked up. Some people have a problem with this, but I’ve always kinda liked it – it adds to a realistic spontaneity, in my opinion. They move on to reverse cowgirl, and Kris does a good amount of the work; then on to missionary on the edge of the jetty. He cums on her belly, and while they’re in post-sex missionary position the clown-faced killer appears and drills through the couple. It’s a pretty neat kill, shot nicely – certainly one of the more horror-nerd-approved kills in the movie.

I found this scene pretty dull, and while I’m a fan of Katie as an actress, I’m not to keen on her as a performer of sex scenes. Also, while I’m not one to get too hung up on tattoos, the faded smudge of a tattoo on her right breast is distracting. Add to that some fake boobs which are absolutely not to my tastes, and this scene simply didn’t do it for me.

Scene 5: Cherokee and Tommy Gunn

Tommy has wandered off looking for the girls, and comes across a spirit guide, played by the muscular Cherokee, dressed like an Indian squaw. There is some great dialogue between the two, and then they get it on by the fire. Starting out with the obligatory BJ, they move on to reverse cowgirl, during which Cherokee repeatedly hops off to give a BJ. They switch to 69 – a position that doesn’t seem to get utilized enough – back to reverse cowgirl, and then on to doggy, again punctuated by sporadic BJs. Cherokee is ripped, especially her back and ass, and she works all the positions like a pro. After some missionary, he jerks off into her mouth, and she sucks it off.

I liked this scene, primarily because of Cherokee, who is really cute and super-ripped. Other than that, the lead-up is really funny, and in general I’m fond of this scene even while it’s not smoking hot.

Scene 6: Devon Michaels and Randy Spears

Randy is the local sheriff, who has stopped Devon for jaywalking, informing her that they can do this “the easy way or the hard way.” Devon simply says, “Hard.” And with that, the fucking begins. The order of events goes BJ, cowgirl, doggy, missionary, and finally a gross gloopy load on her tongue, which she sucks off pretty violently.

I’m not a big fan of Devon, and while I have a soft spot for Randy because of his acting and goofy persona, I’m not a fan of watching him have sex. This was not a good scene for me.

Scene 7: Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo

The gang have found their way to a cabin where they plan to hole up for the night, and Voodoo goes out to pee. While he’s out there, he notices a well, out of which crawls his real-life wife, Nicole Sheridan. Kudos to Voodoo and Nicole for staying so firmly in character throughout this scene, especially Nicole as the “crazy well chick,” but also Voodoo for some really funny lines during the sex. After the BJ, they move on to missionary, doggy, and reverse cowgirl, all by the well, until she jerks him off in her mouth and dribbles it out.

Nicole tries to tell Voodoo to come into the well where it’s safe, but he thinks she’s crazy and resists. Cue psycho killer, who nails Voodoo with a chainsaw. A pretty decent kill, as we see Voodoo’s face get sprayed with blood while he screams.

This is yet another powerhouse performance from the very talented Nicole Sheridan (another great scene from her was in The One, also with Voodoo). I love this woman, and I love this scene, though perhaps not for the sexy-factor.

Scene 8: jessica drake and Eric Masterson

Throughout the movie thus far, Eric has been recording everything with his camcorder, à la American Beauty, and finally now that he and jessica are alone, jessica confronts him about his voyeuristic ways. She lists off all the times she has been aware of him watching her and taping her, much to Eric’s surprise, and this banter leads in to a sex scene that alternates between regular footage and POV Eric-cam. The scene goes from the opening BJ, with some deep throating, to standing doggy, during which she gives him some instruction which adds to the sexy set-up. jessica also engages in her trademark ass fingering. After reverting to a quick BJ, they move on to missionary, including some clit-play on jessica’s part, and then on to reverse cowgirl that jessica really works. After pulling off the condom, jessica sucks on Eric until a popshot in her mouth that we don’t see – we only know it happened because she dribbles the cum back out.

This scene is surprisingly hot, mainly because of the set-up, but also because both performers seem into it, and pull off all the moves like pros. The POV footage also gives it that gonzo edge.

Scene 9: Stormy Daniels and Eric Masterson

Stormy and Eric bump into each other in the woods after the rest of their friends have apparently been killed off, and Stormy ditzily tells him that she needs “comforting.” Eric seems happy to oblige, and they get down to a BJ, complete with handwork and ball sucking. They move on to standing doggy, with Stormy’s skirt hiked up, and then reverse cowgirl including some clit-play. After some cowgirl, Eric jerks off into Stormy’s mouth and she sucks it off. They hear some crazy laughter from somewhere in the woods and run away.

This scene isn’t as good as the last one, probably because the set-up isn’t as sexy, but also because it simply doesn’t feel as heated. It’s ok, but not great.

Scene 10: Keri Sable and Eric Masterson

This scene feels a bit tacked on, as it happens after the killer is revealed (don’t worry, I won’t spoil the ending). After Eric’s movie – the footage he shot at Camp Cuddly Pines – premieres in Las Vegas, he and a groupie, Keri, come back to his scuzzy hotel room to film their own movie. Keri performs a BJ with some deep throating and handwork, followed by missionary on the edge of the bed. There is some light tit slapping, before moving on to doggy, and then some DP with a dildo in Keri’s butt. Eric then switches to fucking Keri’s ass with the dildo while he sits back a bit. After some deep throat BJ, Keri jerks him off in her mouth, accompanied by some pretty strange neighing sounds from Eric.

This scene is ok, and I appreciate Wicked’s slightly more risqué effort with the DP. It was a nice change. But I can’t get away from how removed this scene feels from the rest of the movie. It’s as if they wanted one more girl in the movie, so they tacked on an extra scene. There’s a nice twist ending following this, though, which is neat.

Final Thoughts: In terms of script, acting, and filmmaking in general, this is one of my favourite porn movies of all time. It’s hard to choose who does the best job in this film, as the whole cast and crew do some of their best work to date. In terms of sex, it’s not the best, but it’s certainly not the worst, and there are some gems in amongst the more boring scenes. I recommend this to people who enjoy features, especially comedies, and couples who are looking for a warm-up to the main event.