Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre Review

Director

Jonathan Morgan

Cast

Stormy Daniels, Jessica Drake, Nicole Sheridan, Cherokee, Kinzie Kenner, Keri Sable, Devon Michaels, Katie Morgan, Rita Faltoyano, Rebecca Love, Taryn Thomas, Katja Kassin, Eric Masterson, Voodoo, Tommy Gun, Randy Spears, Scott Nails, Kris Slater, Manuel Ferrara, Mike Horner (Non Sex).

Genre

Feature - Comedy

Condoms

All scenes have condoms.

Running Time of Main Feature

2 Hr. 30 Mins.

Female Orgasms

None

THOSE WHO MIGHT LIKE IT

Those who like a fair injection of humor with their sex.

THOSE WHO SHOULD STEER CLEAR

Those looking for really hardcore or malice-laden sex.

REVIEW:
Yes. He's back! Sorry--and just when you thought I was gone for good. 

This is Wicked's much hyped, 3-disc extravaganza--Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre.  This is the movie that Jonathan Morgan has been occupying his time with for the last year, and judging by the amount of material and effort that Wicked has put into this release, they are really banking on it. Without any further yammering on my part. Let me give you my impression of it. 

Five "college" students are one their way to a "Metallicide" concert in a beat up van that seems like it was born in the sixties and then had a serious identity crisis somewhere in the nineties. Anyway, a few bad jokes and a bit of sexual innuendo gives the movie a kick start, and then we're off to the races with our first look at some sex.

Scene 1 - Jessica Drake, Stormy Daniels, Tommy Gun & Voodoo

This is a good foursome that takes place in the back of a van. A third man, Eric Masterson, the geek of the crowd, is relegated to videotaping the affair, and we see the action through his camera on occasion. Jessica is notable here, first of all because she's just such a hottie to begin with, but also because her hair has been wigged to sort of very dark red color--almost purple in the right light. It looks great, and of course the rest of her looks typically fantastic as well. Stormy is also lookin' good. Both girls get well fucked in several positions before the guys unload--one on Stormy's big breasts, and the other in Jessica's sweet mouth. Poor geek guy with the camera doesn't get nothin', but I'm sure that'll change eventually.

After a fair amount of displayed stupidity, the "students" run over a guy dressed in green no less than three times. There's a bit of arguing, some more bad jokes that I actually find myself chuckling at, and things go from bad to worse. That night, the van breaks down, and Voodoo claims not to know what is wrong with it. It follows of course that his determination of the safest course of action is for them all to split up and look for a phone.

The girls find a delapidated Mike Horner, the caretaker of a shut-down band-camp, and I can't blame them when they scream. When the guys hear them, they send Tommy Gun to help out. Meanwhile band-camp guy regales the girls with a tale of woe that happened in these very woods back in 1958.

Scene 2 - Kinzie Kenner & Scott Nails

Kinzie is my kind of girl--small tits, pretty smile, and she isn't afraid to speak up with the dirty talk. Scott Nails is wearing a clown mask at the beginning, but she makes him take it off before they get to the inevitable fucking. It's a pretty good scene, and Kinzie looks freakin' great--but when all is said and done, it's fairly average.  Kinzie does get some pile-driver action, though, and who am I to complain about that. The couple is watched by a heavy-breathing weirdo outside the window. She gently jacks her man's cock off and deposits a small load onto her tongue.

Creepy breather guy, who it turns out is Kinzie's adopted brother, comes in and picks up the clown mask and puts it on. Then he finds an electric carving knife. Sigh. Kinzie, wondering what her bother is doing out of bed, demands an explanation, and alas she is killed in a copious splatter of blood. What a shame. She was awfully cute.

Mike Horner tells another tale--this time about a sanitorium, a home for, among others, wayword strippers. Four of them decide to attack their orderly, and apparently, he is never the same again.

Scene 3 - Katja Kassin, Rita Faltoyano, Rebecca Love, Taryn Thomas & Manuel Ferrara

Lots of pretty girl-flesh, and a capable man-stud characterize this scene. The girls sort of overwhelm poor Manuel, but then again, that is pretty much the point. His cock gets a feel for all four girls, and he orally samples each of their holes before the end of this relatively brief scene.  There's plenty more to see of it in the extras on disc three, however.  As eye candy goes, this is pretty good stuff, but as "get-you-off" sex is concerned, this is a bit shy of the mark. It does end with a damn nice cumshot, though, with Manuel's liquid glee apportioned equally between all four girl's faces--and there's plenty to go around. I have to say--bravo for that.

Although I'm not completely sure what this had to do with the adopted killer of a story ago, the decrepit Horner keeps on telling his tales. Apparently after his 18th birthday, the kid got a job as camp counselor at Camp Cuddly Pines, and that's when the real killin' started..

Scene 4 - Katie Morgan & Kris Slater

A young couple wandering around the woods find time to have a quickie on a wooden bridge while crazy-breather-guy watches them. Katie has on quite the pair of stiletto-heeled boots here, and is looking typically fantastic besides.  Still blonde, curly and tight bodied, albeit with a bigger pair of tits than she used to have, she's always been a favorite of mine. She gets good and fucked with her black bra and skirt half-on--well for a little while anyway. They fuck in several positions for a while and he eventually squirts a substantial load over her tummy and chest.

Meanwhile, clown guy has nicely waited for them to finish before finding himself a chord-less power drill.  He decides it'd be a good idea to well... kill them.

According to the old man Horner, clown guy managed to avoid official prosecution, but he didn't avoid mob rule, and he was lynched and burned publicly. He warns of the clown's ghost and tells the girls to get the heck outta there, but naturally, the girls think he's crazy. They leave to go find their boyfriends.

Meanwhile, Tommy Gun is wandering around and finds a pretty native American spirit in the form of Cherokee. She issues some rote warning about mystic bears being born, but then laments about how long it's been since she's had a white man's cock.  Poor Tommy didn't know what he was stepping into.

Scene 5 - Cherokee & Tommy Gun

Cherokee starts out by sucking Tommy's cock by the random, unexplained fire in the middle of nowhere. She's lookin' fairly good--but for some reason doesn't get me crazy in quite the same that that say, Kinzie Kenner does. Regardless, after several sexual positions, Tommy finally pops a load onto Cherokee's tongue, after which she gives him a surprise that he won't soon forget.

He screams for his friend's to help, and when they hear him, they panic and run screaming like girls straight for the van. Jessica and Stormy find them whining in the van and we discover that Tommy has been killed. After much exposition and explanation, the group decides to lay low in a cabin they come to inhabit until the Sheriff shows up.

Old man Horner does indeed call the sheriff, but he's apparently busy with some very important police work--banging a jaywalker by the name of Devon Michaels.

Scene 6 - Devon Michaels & Randy Spears

Once again, Devon is not particularly my kind of girl, with her extra large breasts and a sort of hardened way about her, but I'm sure for some she'll be the cat's meow. The two fuck on the Sheriff's car in the misty forest night. It's a very pretty and well shot scene, but as with most of the sex in this feature so far, is very edit-happy and truncated. It doesn't feel like sex so much as it feels like the awkward songs that come between dialogue in a Broadway musical. It doesn't advance the story, it just sort of puts the "porn" in the porn movie. Randy unloads on Devon's tongue, and then he skedaddles to take care of those crazy kids who keep tempting the fates by coming up into the forest.

The kids find the cabin, and discover there's no firewood. Voodoo decides to go out, take a piss, and find some. While out there he hallucinates a blonde woman climbing out of a well -- ala The Ring. Only this girl happens to be Nicole Sheridan, and instead of dealing him an unpleasant death, she's just going to fuck him..

Scene 7 - Nicole Sheridan & Voodoo

This is certainly not the best Nicole has ever looked, but then again, that's probably the point. She sucks him, and then he fucks her in the vicinity of her well for a few minutes--missionary, standing doggy, reverse cowgirl, same ol' same ol'. She jacks him off into her mouth, and then, when he refuses her invitation to join her in the well, he ends up dead at the hands of some horrible power tool.

Eric the camera guy and the girls are still holed up in the cabin. They consider looking for Voodoo, and Stormy is the one who volunteers to do it because she's bored. Meanwhile Jessica is stuck with the geek. It's one of those kooky anomolies of nature that in porn movies, no matter how old the girl is, she always seems to be 18, and no matter how much of a loser a guy is, he always seems to find a way to get laid....

Scene 8 - Jessica Drake & Eric Masterson

Jessica Drake has a body that doesn't quit, and an ass that belongs in the porn star hall of fame. She looks freaking fantastic here. It's a brief scene, like all the others (although it is covered more in depth in the extras), but is certainly my favorite of the movie so far. She teases and talks to him while they fuck, and to me that's even better than the action itself. It's certainly not crazy-nasty, with any of the hallmarks of today's "fuck her 'til she's dead" gonzo, but it's pretty damn sexy, and that's good enough for me.

Meanwhile the sheriff finds a distraught Stormy, who has discovered Voodoo's bloody carcass. Through his powerful deductive techniques he decides Stormy is the one he wants to arrest, but she knees him in the balls before he is able to do it. Jessica and Eric hear something unusual outside the cabin. They step outside, assuming the worst, and the sheriff attacks poor Eric. Jessica takes off, and Eric pulls a Stormy and gives the sheriff another kick to the privates.

After a series of unfortunate events, and a slew of even more unfortunate jokes, Jessica is killed, and Stormy gets some sloppy seconds with the geek.

Scene 9 - Stormy Daniels & Eric Masterson

This is another quick fuck, that for some reason isn't as interesting as the last one. Stormy, of course, is very pretty, but when it comes down to it, sex is sex without something really special to set it off, and this scene just didn't seem to have it for me. For someone else, though, who knows. He does finish off on Stormy's chin, and that's always a nice closer.

Things start to get a little... crazy. The Sheriff is attacked by a rabid racoon. Old man Horner is not who he seems to be, and the rest--well, you'll just have to watch it yourself. Before I go, though, I'll dutifully sum up the last sex scene for ya'--because that's just the kind of guy I am.

Scene 10 - Keri Sable & Eric Masterson

I have to say--Keri has an absolutely stunning body. Besides the very first scene, this is the only sex that happens in something more than moody-night-time lighting. Although I think Wicked does a great job with night time scenes, I thought that on the whole this movie was just a tad dark. It was certainly in tune with its subject, but this is a porn movie. I'd have liked to have seen a just a smidge more light in some of the scenes. This one is done in a hotel room, so we see Keri's gorgeous body quite well thank'y'ver'much. She definitely brings a little of her gonzo magic to the scene as she encourages Eric to squeeze her nipples and slap her tits while she deep throats a rubber dildo and he calls her a whore. No complaints about any of that from me, and eventually Keri gets double penetrated while Eric pumps her pussy with his cock, and her ass with the dildo. God she is beautiful. Although just as oddly out of place as most of the rest of the sex is in the movie, this scene is quite enjoyable from a raincoater's perspective, and is certainly the most adventurous of the movie. She finishes him off by deep-throating his cock and jacking it off into her mouth. Mmm, mm, good. Keri is a filthy hottie--just the way I like 'em.

EXTRAS:

Disc 1
Multiple soundtracks: Normal Soundtrack, music only soundtrack, and dialogue only Soundtrack. German Audio Soundtrack.
Commentary: With Jonathan Morgan, Stormy Daniels & Eric Masterson
Easter Eggs: Deleted Scenes

Disc 2

The Horror: The True Tale of Camp Cuddly Pines: 48 Mins. Excellent and funny behind the scenes feature.
Casting the Victims: 5 Mins. A fun look at some of the girls who auditioned for "Megan"--the role that would eventually go to Jessica Drake.
Scouting the Massacre: 4 Mins.  Location scouting--or more correctly, a tour of the location they already scouted.
Girls of Camp Cuddly Pines: 7 Mins.  Moving shots of the girls during photo shoots--set to music.
Bloopers to Die For:  8 Mins.  Definitely good for a few laughs.
Stormy Bangs Betty Cartoon: 5 Mins.  A very strange cartoon featuring Stormy Daniels and Brickhouse Betty of Brickhousebetty.net.
The Making of Stormy Bangs Betty: 5 Mins.  The making of the cartoon.
Camp Cuddly Pines Trivia Game Featuring Keri Sable:  Hey, call me a simple minded sex-junkie, but I really thought this was cool! Keri asks you questions about the movie, and if you get them right, she teases you with progressively more skin, and eventually a little something extra. Like I said, Keri has a killer body.
Rayford Cam: 43 Mins.  All the video hand held video footage shot by the geek.
Behind the Scenes Sex Reel: 47 Mins.
Trailer for Camp Cuddly Pines
Easter Egg

Disc 3

Extended Sex Scenes: Extended Asylum Scene - Rita Faltoyano, Katja Kassin, Rebecca Love, Taryn Thomas & Manuel Ferrara: 26 Mins, Extended Well Scene - Nicole Sheridan & Voodoo: 22 Mins, Extended Cabin Scene - Jessica Drake & Eric Masterson: 19 Mins, Extended Sheriff's scene - Randy Spears & Devon Michaels: 19 Mins.
Bonus Sex Scene from Secrets of the Velvet Ring:  Stormy Daniels, Alexis Amore & Tommy Gun: 18 Mins
Bonus Sex Scene from The Collector: Jessica Drake, Cheyne Collins & Mike Horner: 7 Mins.
Bonus Outtake Sex Scene from Camp Cuddly Pines: Keri Sable & Eric Masterson: 8 Mins.
Trailers: Secrets of the Velvet Ring, Perfect Life, Erotik, Intrigue, Caliente, Wicked Sex Party #7, Road Trixxx, Space Nuts, Fluff and Fold, One Night in Vegas.
Photo Gallery
Star Galleries
Star Stats
Sex Scene Galleries
Behind the Scenes Gallery
Wicked DVD Catalog
Promotional Material
Easter Eggs

OVERALL:
This was a fun movie. Hell, even the menus were way cool--and I'm not usually an elaborate menu kind of guy. As I said before, the sex felt very edity, and had the strong sense of having been chopped up significantly. This left most of scenes feeling a little cold and impersonal with not a lot of real heat generated anywhere.  They still had their moments though.  My favorite scenes were Jessica's scene with Eric (with some interesting context and tease thrown in to make it special) and Keri's scene with Eric, where things get pretty adventurous thanks to Keri's willingness to walk the darker path. Oh and then there's Kinzie Kenner who, when it came down to it just had an average scene, but she's just so darn cute, I can't help but give her a mention.  Meanwhile, the story was rife with fun inter-textual references and a lot of laugh-in-spite-of-yourself jokes that I enjoyed. Jonathan Morgan is a funny guy, and that translates well through his directing. Randy Spears and Mike Horner do excellent work in their respective character-roles, and the others like Jessica, Stormy and Voodoo aren't too shabby either. 

The thing is, the feature itself is not all this release has to offer by a long shot. The package contains three--count 'em--three discs. There's a TON of extras here including lots of easter eggs  As usual, Wicked sports some of the best behind the scenes footage in the adult industry. It's really fun and interesting stuff, and it will take you a fair amount of time to get through all of it. If you like the movie, are looking for some more laughs, or like the performers in a capacity beyond just jack-off material, the extras are certainly well worth the time to explore. My personal favorite among them, and it was hard to choose, was the very cool Trivia game with Keri Sable. I don't know--somehow it just scratched an itch and I'd love to see Wicked do more stuff like that in the future. Something about the interactivity of it made it extra fun.

Wicked certainly pulled out all the stops for this one, and by and large, my only complaint was somewhat typical of my reaction to Wicked's features--disconnected, and somewhat mechanically produced sex that was kind of undermined by the emphasis placed on the story. I've seen movies (some of them Wicked movies, I might add--mostly directed by Brad Armstrong) that managed to merge both elements very successfully, but I would not necessarily count this one among them. 

Don't get me wrong though, this is a fantastic overall package--including a good movie with some erotic moments and a lot of that great Morgan-esque humor--but I would certainly recommend it more for a "sometimes-we-watch-porn-together" couple looking for a few laughs than for the serious porn hound looking to get off.

Questions or constructive comments about this review? Email me at MLyons@my.adultdvdtalk.com


Other Adult Movie Reviews by Mike Lyons