Principal Skinner's Ultimate Movie Reviews (6)
Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 10/8/2000
Studio: Ultimate
Starring: Brick Majors, Billy Glide, Alec Metro, Shayla LaVeaux, Rick Masters, Laura Palmer, Valentino, Randee Lee, Buck Adams, John West, Carla Lott
Directed by: Thomas Paine
Review brief: Since I somehow managed to miss the first HEARTFELT video upon its initial release, I can't comment how this sequel compares with the original. However, after viewing this rather hackneyed release, I have to imagine that the first movie was a little better (or at least somewhat popular) or else we would never have seen the likes of HEARTFELT 2. Although Shayla LaVeaux is prominently featured on the cover, and looks as gorgeous as ever, Laura Palmer has the real leading role in the nearly non-existent story. Shayla does have two girl-guy scenes, neither of which are very memorable or ourstanding in any way. The remaining five scenes are unfortunately average, despite some enthusiastic performances who try to generate a little "heart" in this lifeless movie. From the opening scene of this movie, things start off with a bang...a gangbang, to be exact, with Cara Lott at the center of five guys desperately trying to vye for her attention as well as for her sexual orifices. Unfortunately, Ms.
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Release date: 6/25/2000
Reviewed on: 9/22/2000
Studio: Ultimate
Starring: Asia Carrera, Jeanna Fine, Steven St. Croix, Misty Rain, Felecia, Mark Davis, Julia Ann, Jenteal, Melissa Hill, Randy West, Shayla LaVeaux, Celeste, Debi Diamond, Steve Drake, Paula Price, Kaylan Nicole, Draghixa, Jenna Jameson, Aaron Colt, Nicole Lace, Crystal Gold
Review brief: Metro's ULTIMATE EROTIC FANTASY is simply a compilation of scenes from Ultimate's line of films, directed by Andrew Blake doppelganger Cameron Grant. There is no doubt that each and every scene on this disc is well-photographed, imaginative, and absolutely hot as hell when it comes to sex, but this is to be expected when you consider the source material. The overall presentation, however, is somewhat lacking and greatly undermines the superb content. The DVD "boxcover" looks pretty generic when it comes to beauty and design. In fact, the model posing next to the car on the packaging is not one I readily recognize (although I am guessing that it's Jenteal), and seems to be taken from another video not directed by Grant. Furthermore, not all the stills found on the back of the DVD cover (or incorporated in the photo gallery) are from scenes in this feature, although they are clearly taken from other works by the director.
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Release date: 5/4/2000
Reviewed on: 9/7/2000
Studio: Ultimate
Starring: Billy Glide, Steve Hatcher, Stacy Valentine, Mark Davis, Johnni Black, Timber, Shawn Ricks, Jon Decker
Directed by: Thomas Paine
Review brief: Who can resist Stacy Valentine? Blonde, dangerously curvy, fresh-faced and cute as hell, this babe is a wet dream (and well-fed) Barbie doll come to life, which is not unusual in porn, but Stacy definitely has a charm which will work on even the most ardent brunette fans (such as myself). Although when it comes to fair-haired girls, women like Ginger Lynn, Juli Ashton and Shayla LaVeux float my boat moreso than the common bleached blonde sex dolls, but Ms. Valentine is simply irresistable to me. She gives blowjobs with a rhythmic, sensuous passion and looks just plain sexy while getting fucked. Well, as it turns out, she is really the only redeeming feature in Adam & Eve's THRUST, yet another strictly plain vanilla, straightforward porn movie shot several years ago, which is only average at best. The plot (more like a theme, actually) involves sex within a military setting, so you get lines like "Drop your bombs all over my face..." which will have you rolling your eyes instead of indulging in other physical activities.
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Release date: 4/24/2000
Reviewed on: 9/5/2000
Studio: Ultimate
Starring: Aja, John Decker, Billy Glide, Peter North, Stacy Valentine, Alec Metro, Raylene, J.R. Carrington
Review brief: HABITS OF THE HEART is a straightforward, five scene, no frills porn video which is absolutely average in terms of both content and value. Porn superstar STACY VALENTINE, popularly known from her acclaimed interactive disc from VCA called CHASING STACY, appears in three of the sex scenes on the disc, and is prominently displayed on the cover jacket. Obviously, this video is meant to appeal to her hardcore fans, allowing them to view some "older" [as in age of the videos, where she is obviously younger] Stacy appearances before she became a VCA contract girl. The one really big advantage to getting DVDs of her earlier work is that there are usually no condoms intruding in on the action, and sometimes, a healthy oral/facial is always a possibility. Although I enjoy watching the very curvy, blonde, blue-eyed Stacy in action, I was far more interested in seeing gorgeous Raylene and the legendary Aja in action.
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Release date: 5/27/2000
Reviewed on: 9/4/2000
Studio: Ultimate
Starring: Tony Tedeschi, Steve Drake, Nina Hartley, Malitia, Militia, Mandy Frost, Mandi Frost, Mike Majors
Directed by: Nina Hartley
Review brief: Most "How to..." sex videos are nothing more than a flimsy excuse to show some hardcore sex scenes with a little bit of commentary so as to avoid the "porn" categorization. This is not to say that such videos can't be informative, but obvious discussions on the art of lovemaking are usually peppered with obvious suggestions like, "Take your time. Be sensitive to your partner's needs. Enjoy the experience..." (Well, duh!). So, after noting the title of this feature, I braced myself for a methodically boring instructional video of sorts, with some graphic but sterilized scenes of oral sex. In other words, I thought I would be bored to death. However, the legendary Nina Hartley makes this video enjoyable, and yes, educational as well.
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Release date: 8/24/2000
Reviewed on: 8/29/2000
Studio: Ultimate
Starring: Steven St. Croix, Taylor Hayes, Monica Orsini, Caterina Rinaldi, Nena Anderson, Mike DeVinci, Jolt Gaber, Heros, Elizabeth King
Directed by: Michael Santangelo
Review brief: A mid-1990s production, TROUBLE is a foreign made video starring Vivid Girl and former Seymore Butt's sex toy Taylor Hayes. Although Stephen St. Croix also appears, both have their lines dubbed in English, which kind of reminds me of those classic Godzilla movies where non- Japanese actors had distinctly overdubbed voices. In any event, TROUBLE (not to be confused with the Tori Welles minor classic from Caballero Video) is a very hot, sexy video thanks entirely to Taylor's heated performances. Raven- haired, thin, with a cute over-bite and always smiling attitude, Taylor gives every scene her sexual-all, as she seems determined to arouse even the most jaded viewer with a white-hot performance...naturally, she succeeds. Taylor appears in three of five scenes including a straight threesome with cute Eurobabe Monica and the always reliable Steven St. Croix, a fantastic foursome, a straight scene with some lucky bastard, and finally another threesome to end the movie. Needless to say, she absolutely burns in each one of them.
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