Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Review

Reviewed by Patrick Parker  on  6/18/2017

Following Kevin Smith’s unconventional rom-com Zack and Miri Make a Porno, I’ve always wanted to see Zack’s (Seth Rogen) ill-fated Star Whores. Four years laters, AVN hall of famer Axel Braun picked up where Zack left off with the 2012 bestseller Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody.

Star Wars XXX wasn’t the first porn parody of the classic saga, Jack Genero’s Star Babe and Bob Vosse’s Sex Wars predated Braun’s work by decades. But with seven AVN awards, six XVID’s and an award from XRCO and XCritics, Star Wars XXX is clearly the best.

Vivid’s retelling of Episode IV follows the original closely, even borrowing direct quotes and jokes from the film. In terms of the core story and characters, very little has been changed. As such, Braun’s film draws the viewer in as a perfectly watchable and entertaining film on its own. As such, you’ll find a non-porn version on the special features disk that surprisingly doesn’t feel lacking, and even outperforms a lot of the fan-fiction out there. Impressive.

Seth Gamble delivers a convincing Luke and brings an adolescent sense of humor that fits the role nicely. He portrays wide-eyed wonder and pubescent naivety well and plays off Tom Byron’s Obi-Wan beautifully.

Big shoes were to be filled with Rocco Reed playing Han Solo. He nails Solo’s cockiness with his clean-cut take. Allie Haze makes a beautiful Princess Leia and channels Natalie Portman’s Padme into the role. It’s just shame that fans don’t get to see a Solo / Leia scene on the Falcon. Maybe in Empire?

There’s a lot of filler in the original, and for that reason, the sex scenes don’t feel out of place at all. In a way, Star Wars’ action sequences served as the equivalent of porn for young sci-fi fans the world over. Now that we’re all grown up, Axel Braun has found a way to seamlessly weave real porn into the narrative.

Sex Scenes:

Princess Leia & Darth Vader

Axel Braun does away with the interrogation droid (that needle still gives me nightmares) and replaces it with Vader’s (Lexington Steele) sizeable prick. Here’s where suspension of belief comes into play. Star Wars fans might wish to forget that Leia is Luke’s sister -- Vader’s daughter. The BJ is awesome, but the implications might be a bit heavy for some fans.

Obi-Wan and a Tusken Raider

It was never clear why the Sandpeople ran off after Obi-Wan made that weird sound. Braun offers a theory: the old Jedi fucked their asses up, or at least one of them. Jennifer White as a Tusken Raider disrobes for an animalistic anal fuck with Byron’s Kenobi on the hood of Luke’s landspeeder. After a blast of cum, she hisses and runs off. But she’ll be back, and in stronger numbers.

The Tonnika Sisters

Remember those flirty girls in the Cantina? The Tonnika sisters were only in one shot, but there was something sexy about it. Braun thought so too and he imagined an off-screen tryst with Aiden Ashley and Kimberly Kane playing the role of the sultry sisters.

What follows is pure cosplay lesbian sex in the bar. Kane delivers slow and deliberate oral before stripping Ashley nude. Kane plays the dominant by finger fucking and eventually sitting on Aiden’s face. If you like wet, sloppy oral set to the theme of Cantina music, then you’re going to love this.

Cantina Orgy

It’s impossible to watch Ashley and Kane’s sex without feeling really horny. For that reason, I like the way Braun cuts directly into the next sex scene with women at two Cantina tables sucking dick. You’ll see another Star Wars cameo here - the infamous “devilman” from the original Cantina.

Gia DiMarco and Rihanna Rhimes waste no time undressing for a gonzo-style orgy. Rhimes looks incredible as a nude Twi’Lek and fucks like it’s a competitive sport. This is the most hardcore scene of the lot, punctuated by DiMarco’s screaming orgasms and massive chest cumshots from the alien boys.

Chewie and Stormtroopers

Have you ever wanted to see Chewie get a blowjob? Me neither, but Axel Braun figures Chewie’s monstrous dick is what saved the cast from that scanning crew onboard the Millennium Falcon. Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston make sexy stormtroopers and decide to kill some time by having a go at Chewbacca.

It would be a bit like watching a rug get a BJ were it not for Eve and Brandy’s skills. The girls play off each other, touching breasts and matting down Chewie’s fur to make the scene work.

But Brandy owns the scene once Chewie gets animalistic with a thorough anal fuck. The view when she gets on top is mesmerizing, especially when you consider how her pussy pulses with each monstrous penetration. Eve gets hers with reverse cowgirl and then doggy-style sex to an explosive double facial. Good for you fuzzball.

Princess Leia + Luke & Han

Finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for. With such a remarkable talent in Allie Haze, it seems a shame to wait this long to see her in action. Braun focuses on her body in a boy-boy-girl fuck with Han and Luke. Despite the questionable nature of her relation to Luke, Haze delivers a banging scene just ahead of the big award ceremony on Yavin IV.

Special Features

The DVD comes with a separate disc with special features like the non-porn version of the film. You’ll also find in-depth interviews with the cast and some behind-the-scenes footage. Vivid has also included some casting footage. This isn’t your fake casting-couch stuff, but actual footage of script reads from stars vying for the part.

And then there’s a bunch of adverts. It’s unclear how that counts as a special feature, but let’s just assume that it’s for the infomercial fetishists out there. You’ll also find previews for other parodies as well as a promo code for a discount to Vivid.com, where you can stream most of Vivid’s filmography.

A photo gallery is also included with stills and glam-shots of all the stars in and out of wardrobe. It’s nice, but only includes a handful of images.

The Verdict

Star Wars XXX is a tongue-in-cheek, yet faithful spoof on the iconic film. The jokes might not be as poignant as the Family Guy version, but Braun’s version will make you smile. It beats a lot of amateur fan fiction in story and production. As an added bonus, it offers numerous sex scenes with main and sideline characters.

This is a must-see for any fan of porn parodies and Star Wars fans with a good sense of humor. Watch it with friends or your geeky partner, laugh over some drinks and get inspired for some sci-fi roleplay in the sack.