Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Review

Reviewed by T0MBOne  on  5/3/2012

Director Axel Braun and company mount a major parody production of STAR WARS XXX (2011, Axel Braun Productions-Vivid Entertainment) with a slew of porn actors in sex roles, non-sex roles and other voice performances in this 2 disc set. It all looks and sounds great; however, Mel Brooks SPACEBALLS came out long ago in a galaxy far away so, really, why should anyone care about what happens in between this parody's sex scenes, which are hit and miss in terms of integration into this all-too-familiar space opera tale? In other words, while "the farce" maybe with some of my fellow reviewers, I'm interested in who fucks whom, do they stay in costume or even attempt to stay in character?

Disc 1

Princess Leia (Allie Haze) lands in the clutches of Darth Vader (Lexington Steele, who gets to lumber around like David Prowse and voice-mimic like James Earl Jones) and she soon finds herself masturbating then sucking his huge stiff prick sticking out from that all-black suit. Allie's double hand job effort is solid and Braun earns brownie points for keeping Leia in her white get-up that's fastened at the shoulder so her perky boobs are in view---!!! 1/2

Obi-Wan (Tom Byron) puts his force powers to good use when he sucks and fucks a Tusken Raider (Jennifer White) on top a stationary Land Speeder. Jennifer loses her Raider mask and takes off her mummy-like threads and gloves so that she can get Obi-mished and Obi-anal mished then ride reverse cow anal. Jennifer's pale, natural bod is perfect for this desert setting and at least she keeps hissing (like a Tusken Raider?) even after the Obi-cum shot drops---!!!! 1/2

Obi saves Luke from embarrassment at The Cantina, which leads to a head-scratcher girl/girl sex scene between Aiden Ashley and Kimberly Kane wearing bee hive hairdos and that monotonous Cantina tune playing over and over in the background---!! 1/2

More Cantina characters decide to suck and fuck each other but the dual devil head pieces and make up have already been put to similar use in flicks like ZAZEL or even BAD WIVES 2. So, the straight sex stuff between devil guy Derrick Pierce, devil girl Rihanna Rimes, Danny Wilde and Gia De Marco is intercut then captured in wider shots for the finale with both gals on their knees for cum shots that mostly land down their fronts, a dab on Rihanna's chin. It's a well shot and edited scene (!!!) but the nearly 30 minutes of Catina sex stuff should have been bonus scenes since these characters are never heard from nor seen again.

So, halfway through this 2 and 1/2 hour parody, Han Solo (Rocco Reed) and Chewbacca finally show up and fly Luke and Obi-Wan to the Death Star. Inside, Chewbacca (Dick Chibbles) gets a blow job from a couple of female storm troopers (red head Eve Laurence and black haired Brandy Aniston) too eager to take off their special white storm trooper breast plates and helmets, which leaves them to suck and fuck Chewy in black undergarments. Chewy butt fucks Brandy in a few positions then fucks Eve in a few straight sex positions before landing a nice facial.

This encounter loses major points for not utilizing the storm trooper outfits, the helmet, something, during a sex scene where the extra storm trooper is on the peripheral of the action. As is, it's not even up to par with a guy in a bear costume sucking, fucking and butt fucking Sasha Grey in FUCK SASHA GREY---!!!

Wow, Luke and pals blowup The Death Star, Darth Vader gets in a funny line as he escapes, then Luke (Seth Gamble) and Han hook up with rescued Princess Leia for a three-way with Leia sucking one while being fucked by the other, which leads to a double blow job and facials. Solid work from Allie Haze here---!!! 1/2

Disc 2

Really, a non-sex version is the main extra that also includes some previews of other dumb superhero parodies and a BTS where the actors and crew get to get all geeky about the production. Those Cantina sex scenes really needed to be dropped from the 1st disc feature and onto this 2nd disc, which is void of sex action of any kind.

Watching this disc reminded me of Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog's, ATTACK OF THE NERDS bit, where the dog puppet verbally abuses all the uber-geeks waiting outside a Star Wars Premiere of ATTACK OF THE CLONES. At one point, a few goofs-dressed like characters from an earlier flick-attempt to act out a duel while the original scene is shown on a small screen in front of them; that about sums up my disdain for this parody minus the sex scenes as a bunch of porn actors dress up and act out there Star Wars geek fantasies then sit around and talk about it in a boring BTS. So, many will have little use for disc 2.

During the Summer of 1977, I saw STAR WARS around the same time that I saw a double feature of LAST TANGO IN PARIS and INSERTS (an obscure x-rated flick with Richard Dreyfuss) and it's too bad that today's porn industry will waste all these resources on geeky Sci-Fi and comic book stuff that's pretty stupid in the grand scheme of things especially when new takes on TANGO or even something like INSERTS make so much better sense in terms of sexual themes and integration of sex with story.

What's next? Multiple parodies of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK seem certain. Go ahead and parody MESSAGE FROM SPACE while you're at it. Meanwhile, SOLARIS is one of very few sci-fi flicks that could be re-modeled into a decent porn flick.

So, this 2 disc set of STAR WARS XXX (2011, Axel Braun Productions-Vivid Productions) crash lands with a !!! outta !!!!! as this flick will only prolong the parade of safe parodies from porn makers unwilling to take chances on original material.