New Wave Hookers Review

Reviewed by Saki  on  1/10/2000

New Wave Hookers (1985)
Studio: VCA/Dark Bros.
Directed by: Gregory Dark
Starring: Ginger Lynn, Desiree Lane, Kimberly Carson, Kristara Barington, Brooke Fields, Gina Carrera, Jack Baker, Jamie Gillis, Steve Powers, Tom Byron, Peter North, Rick Cassidy, and Steve Drake
Running Time: 1:14
Format: Single Sided, Single Layer
DVD Features: Full motion video chapter selection and 8-picture photo gallery

The First Word: This classic but edited film is more wierd than sexy; it's good for a laugh but probably won't excite your mojo.

Plot Synopsis: New Wave Hookers is a porno that only could have come out of the 1980s: from the costumes, to the original music, to the dialogue, it's New Wave all the way. It's also not something you want to show to anyone who's politically correct, because this film isn't. The movie begins with two guys (Jamie Gillis and Jack Baker) watching a porno in a bachelor's apartment, complete with skin mags and pinups all over the place. They lament to each other that pimps must have it made because they can get pussy whenever they want it--without having to pay. The two eventually fall asleep and awake as pimps running "New Wave Hookers, Inc." It turns out they have programmed all of their girls to fuck when they hear new wave music. Most of the movie demonstrates this, either with clients (such as two nerdy college kids or an Arab played by Peter North--yeah, go figure) or with the pimps and their "dog" (Steve Powers). Eventually, the two wake up in the apartment with the TV playing only static. But they discover that they both had the same dream about the New Wave Hookers. Thinking it was just a wierd coincidence, Jamie heads back home, only to pass by one of the girls in his dream. The movie ends with Jamie (and the audience) wondering if he was dreaming or not.

As a historical note, this is one of the movies that Traci Lords appeared in while she was still underage (I believe she would have been 17 at the time this was made). So obviously, the illegal bits have been edited out. It doesn't seem to affect the plot of overall film, although it does decrease the running time by a few minutes. That's not a problem either, since most pre-90s films had running times between 70 and 80 minutes. The only evidence of the cuts are the splicing of film footage where Traci's intro credit ran and the fact that the NWHs have more sex with their pimps than with their johns.

Notable Performances: The only scene that has enough sexual heat is the legendary double penetration scene with Ginger Lynn, a very boyish looking Tom Byron, and Steve Powers. The guys play nerdy (almost Pee Wee Herman-ish) students who call NWH for a good time. Ginger Lynn shows up in full 80s fashion and delivers her famous line: "You boys wanna ... fuck me in ass? < slapping her tush >" The resulting DP is about as athletic as they come with both dicks pounding in and out (not the "the bottom guy stays still while the top one goes to town" DPs you see today).

Dislikes: Except for Ginger Lynn's DP scene, I found the movie to be too wierd to really enjoy. It certainly isn't a movie to get you in the mood with your significant other, nor is it jerkoff material. This film is in the porn middle ages--not in the Golden Age (1972-1984) nor in the modern. Maybe I didn't like it because of the abundance of untrimmed & unshaved pubic hair, the cheesy costumes, the outdated sex, or the racist/misogynistic plot (but to be fair, it's supposed to be over-the-top). Then again, a lot of people like this movie precisely because of the stuff I didn't like. :)

DVD Notes: While the audio and video are what you'd expect from 15-year old porno, this has got to be the most featureless VCA disc I've ever seen. Static menus. No previews. Only 8 pictures in the photo gallery. A cast list that doesn't give any information other than the names of who's in the film. I'm really disappointed that they didn't put more effort into one of the most recognized adult films in history.

The Last Word: This is the type of film that you'd want to show at a bachelor party where everyone is sufficiently drunk and doesn't give a shit about pimps talking about their "Ho's and bitches." It's surreal, but the sex isn't all that. If you're looking for a New Wave Hookers that you can fantasize about, then you're probably better off going with Michael Ninn's NWH 5.