Caribbean Undercover Review

Title: Caribbean Undercover
Released by: Ultimate Pictures for Adam & Eve

There are a few things about adult movies that really turn me off. One of them is this little trick that some directors use to drag a scene on through the use of slow motion. They think that this makes the movie look a little more "artistic" rather than just having two people getting it on. I, however, think it kills an otherwise steamy scene. Unfortunately for me, *I’m* not the one who calls the shots at Adam and Eve, otherwise the use of slow motion in their signature productions would be kept to an absolute bare minimum.

Here’s the skinny: The bad guys have some "Y2K" (not tortilla) chips, and the CIA wants them, so they send in their "best agent" to go to the Caribbean island of St. Maarten to go catch the bad guys and bring home the chips. Okay, so the plot line is about par with some grade-C cable movie, but at least it explains why they’re there and not in some LA studio. Just don’t expect any Oscar-winning performances from the key players. (Yeah, like THAT’S the reason why we watch these movies, right?)

There’s a lot of island coverage in this movie. We’re talking deep blue oceans, lush jungles, rocky shores, and beautiful waterfalls. In fact, there’s more emphasis on the island than on the story itself. It’s almost like a travel commercial. "Come to St. Maarten and get laid!"

That brings us to the use… or abuse in this case… of slow motion. Just about every scene that didn’t require people speaking had some measure of slow motion in it. I was using the forward-scan feature through most of the movie just to keep things moving. I don’t care if the director calls it "artistic"… I call it BORING!

And I really wouldn’t mind the use of slow motion combined with music to carry us from one scene to another. That’s fine. But when you use it for EVERY scene, even in the sex scenes, it kills the whole idea. And that’s a pity too, because even with the sub-par acting, there were elements of a really good adult movie in there that were just killed by the abuse of slow motion.

There are three basic redeeming items about this DVD that keeps it on my shelf…

1. Tera Patrick – This was back when she was all-natural, and boy does she look hot! She’s the reason why I got the DVD in the first place.

2. Most of the other girls in the movie are not from your typical LA casting call. It’s good to see some fresh faces on the scene.

3. Steven St. Croix’s behind-the-scenes feature, which, even though clearly amateur, probably did a much better job than the movie itself. (Not to mention it was almost as long as the movie.) All the same beautiful ladies (including a quick appearance by Ms. Patrick), the same locations, no music, and - most notably - no slow motion. Kudos, Mister St. Croix, for not being afraid to show the real-time sights and sounds of sex! Not too bad for a one-man amateur job!

The other features of the DVD were okay. There was the inevitable photo section, and trailers for other movies. And at least they DID have a trailer for each of the movies listed instead of just sticking a picture of the box cover on the screen like some productions do.

Normally I don’t put too much emphasis on added features when it comes to adult movies. If it has them, great. If not, then it doesn’t really matter to me… unless I paid $30 or $40 for the DVD and just got the movie. But in this case I would have to say that the added features just about SAVED the DVD.

I know other reviewers have been more than generous with their reviews of this DVD, and I wish I could be as well. It just was the case where the few bad points took too much away from the good points.