Darkko's Anal Showdown Review

Reviewed by loz cumquest  on  5/25/2005

The lure of Katja Kassin has prompted me to buy my first Jonni Darkko Evil Empire release. The concept is strong – Katja Kassin and Lauren Phoenix ‘battle it out’ (metaphorically anyway) over a number of rounds of sex to determine the ‘winner’ (as I write this the winner has already been announced online as Katja, as voted for by the viewers). Beyond a great concept however, is there actually any good solid porno action on display here? Seconds out, for Round One…

ROUND ONE: SOLO OK, so Anal Showdown is broken down into 3 ‘rounds’, with Katja and Lauren performing alternately in solo action, girl girl, and boy boy girl. First off is the solo round, as first Katja and then Lauren take it in turns to anally masturbate themselves with glass dildos. Solo girl scenes are fairly rare these days, and with today’s crowded gonzo market it’s easy to see why – they just aren’t hard enough. Granted, seeing beautiful girls playing with buttplugs is fun, but by stacking these two scenes next too each other we have what amounts to 33 minutes of tease. A little bit of tease before getting down to the filth is a fine thing, and can add a little bit of spice that turns a scene from run of the mill into something extra special, but half an hour of it with no immediate payoff is rather frustrating, if not boring – after about 20 minutes of it it was only the fact that I was determined to get value for money from something I’d paid for that stopped me using the fast forward button. Two reasonable but unspectacular extended tease scenes doesn’t get this film off to a flying start – the girls are beautiful but I can guarantee you that due to its relative mildness you will only ever watch these scenes on first viewing, so lack of replay value gets this score knocked down.
2 out of 5

ROUND TWO: GIRL GIRL The action heats up a little in the next round – but not a lot. Once again Katja goes first, sharing her scene with Sandra Romain, while Lauren Phoenix takes on the Belladonna look-alike Katrina Kraven. There’s no real need to break things down into a blow by blow account – both scenes are very anal obsessed, with both girls in each scene taking turns to analy dildo each other, taking in some ass to mouth on the side. Lauren’s scene maybe slightly edges it, as the enthusiasm she and her partner share for each other’s rectums in fairly hot. Again, with beautiful girls in lesbian anal action this is always going to be watchable, but by definition lesbian material often feels a cock or two short of a proper full-on hardcore gonzo sex scene, and once again playing them back to back leaves the viewer a little impatient. If you are allergic to the sight of penises and lesbian films are your thing – fine – but we now have a situation where we have an anal themed gonzo porn where the film is over the halfway point and neither of the girls has yet taken a cock up the arse. I’ve heard of tease, but this is getting ridiculous…
3 out of 5

ROUND THREE: BOY BOY GIRL At last we get to the full-on ass fucking, and after all this build up I’d love to say these were two blistering eye-popping sex scenes – but in all honesty I can’t, they’re simply decent but fairly average boy boy girl gonzo scenes. Again, both girls are great looking and are enthusiastic here, and there is a good solid anal emphasis with plenty of ass to mouth and double penetration – but my personal bugbear – lack of anal gaping – is on display. There are some anal gapes in both scenes, but both right near the end of the scene, which is a bit of a waste. Having seen these girls before having their rings proudly spread for the viewers’ enjoyment throughout a scene, I’ll lay the blame at the feet of the male performers and/ or the director, and knock a point off a good but unremarkable scene.
3 out of 5.

IN CONCLUSION The idea of two girls trying to out-perform each other in gonzo sex scenes is a great concept – so where did it all go wrong? Firstly, the two girls never actually appeared on screen together – it should be a no-brainer to have your two stars literally battle it out together in the final scene – and secondly, the sex just wasn’t hard enough. For your money here you get two enjoyable but hardly mind-blowing sex scenes, and the rest of the film is padded out with extended tease in the form of solo and lesbian action. Paying for a film which is 50% padding isn’t a good option, especially when these days you could comfortably assume to get 5 or 6 full strength fucking sessions on one film – not 2. I still like the format, but until the gloves are off, and Darkko cuts out the tease for more boy girl action, and manages to finish with the 2 girls in question meeting in an explosive climax, I don’t see myself coming back for any follow ups in this series.
Average.