Ultimate Pictures Tells... The Naked Truth Review

Reviewed by DeathIncarnate  on  9/3/2000

Directed by Nick Orleans

Production date 3 / 98

Starring Ashton Moore, Azlea Antistia, Shay Sweet, Brick Majors, Ian Daniels et al.

Nick Orleans gained critical and public recognition with his 1999 film 'Search for the Snow Leopard' and has indeed been active since 1993 (his 1994 feature films 'Virtual Sex' and 'Erotique Optique' are good variations on the Ninn/Blake pictures), so I was interested to see on of his smaller movies, moreso since this one introduced Ashton Moore to the XXX-business. She has a very pretty face and a nice body, though the heat of her performances is no match for Jenna or Chloe...

I was all the more disappointed that this was such a bland sex flick, not even the visual style was anything to behold, contrary to what one might expect..

Review :

The 'naked truths' one learns from watching this video are the following :

-You can only stuff your breasts with a limited amount of silicone, after which it starts to look ridiculous

-Don't shoot facial cumshot scenes if the woman is not into it. It doesn't look erotic that way!

-2 scenes out of 6 with the 'incredible hulk' Brick Majors just doesn't cut it. Get this man another job (please) !

-You don't HAVE to write a complicated plot for a movie, but it's supposed to make at least a little sense.. otherwise you'd better be off shooting vignette tapes.

After a nice enough title sequence, we cut to the roof of a warehouse where a movie is being shot (yes, this is ANOTHER film-within-a-film video).. after some deliberately corny dialogue between Ashton Moore ('Sharon Starr') and Ian Daniels ('Brad Prick' , no really!) both have some heavy- duty sex which is duly filmed by the crew, though only the B camera records the hardcore part (under the sheets!) Ashton sucks his cock until it's hard (nice touch, that) after which Daniels performs some cunnilingus on his partner, and they move on to a nice 69 position, before the inevitable sex part. The scene concludes with a belly-cumshot.

I could only gaze at the strange melons Moore has planted on her chest.. I wonder who would find them erotic? hell, I even like Jenna's over-the- top breasts but these look ridiculous (Rule Number 1!).. the scene itself is okay though, even if the constant cutbacks to the crew start to grate after a while.

Cut to Frank Martino as the producer of the movie (oscar-nominated twice.. yeah, right) who apparently doesn't know yet that his 'art-film' is turning into a porno picture. While he's watching the dailies, is aide coms into the room (Shay Sweet, a nice blonde), and immediately starts sucking his cock (as most people will have noticed by now, the plot is extremely realistic, and the screenplay was seemingly robbed at last year's Oscars!) While Sweet has a somewhat strange BJ technique (she actually SUCKS the cock into her mouth) this bit is pretty cool, and as we see her going at it, Martino (while watchign the B camera tape) realises what his crew has got him into, but the scene goes on nonetheless, with the usual positions until he shoots his wad on her chest and chin. Not a bad ending..

Moore seems upset at the way her career is going, and calls her agent who deosn't sound very helpful, and she's off to movie producer John Golden, played by Brick Majors (keep rule number 3 in mind, folks). But before that, her 2 maids (Danielle Rogers and Nicolette) unite for a supremely boring and very long lesbian scene which I admit mostly fast- forwarding through.

Majors has a funny role here, as he is the (world- famous) mind behind 'Naked Throat', which he pitches as 'Emmanuelle, you know the oral version of it'.. Moore, who meanwhile has bought the rights to her misbegotten film, convinces him to produce her movie, which he immediately wants to make as a sequel to his hit (called, imaginatively enough, 'Beyond Naked Throat' ).

Astonishingly, they have sex, though the scene is nothing special with oral, 69, missionary etc. until the cumshot, which is a boring affair since there's almost nothing coming out! At least there's a drop of jizz hitting Moore's chin, though one should remember rule 2 : While, again, Jenna Jameson facials are a sight to behold because of her enthusiasm for the male gonad excretion, Moore's just not in the same league, which makes this a less than stellar affair.

Meanwhile, Azlea Antistia (now there's a really hot woman) and Kelsey Heart, who are the screenwriter and director (I think) respectively, of the ill-fated film, share some quality time together. This is a very sensual scene that begins allright with Azlea on the muff-diving side of the ring, but gets better when Heart reciprocates by licking her snatch and ass. The two never get really wild but I liked this scene anyway. The final dildo-fuck was unnecessary though.

The last scene takes place in a movie studio, with Majors introducing himself as the new producer of the somewhat troubled epic. Daniels doesn't seem to agree and leaves, Moore writes herself out of the picture but stays to 'watch' while Azlea and Majors get it on in front of the cameras (the whole farago having officially turned into a sex film now).

As I said, I almost can't watch any scene with Mr. Majors in it (no offense) but Azlea's just a hot woman. I just might watch 'Seven Deadly Sins' one day after all! The sequence is well-filmed, with some of the crew masturbating (yeah, right) around the coupling which is in itself not bad. Again there's a facial, but with a lot more joy juice meeting its target.

As I said before, the plot's so far out that I refrained from explaining it in detail, but that's only one concern I have with the picture. Somehow there's nothing really good about it.. the sex is just okay but nothing more, the camerawork is mediocre, the music is pretty bad, the editing could be better too, etc. I just can't recommend the movie, since there's nothing special about it. Stick with 'Snow Leopard' if you want to experience either Orleans' or Moore's work and let this one stay on the rack!

The DVD :

There's almost nothing to speak of here either.. you get some shaky-looking biography screens and 3 trailers (Caribbean Undercover, Taboo of Tarot, and Scent of Passion). The whole thing is obviously a very low-budget affair..

The picture quality of this shot-on-video movie is okay but sometimes grainy. There are some artifacts in it too. The sound is mediocre, but that seems to be the fault of the movie, not the transfer: This is a basic-looking and -sounding video that even the best transfer couldn't significantly embellish.