Pirates Review

Pirates is up for several XRCO awards including Best Release, Best Epic, and Best DVD Extras along with nominees in both best male and female performances. I sat through the 2006 AVN Awards and it got predictable who would win whenever it was a category that Pirates was nominated in. I just never watched it until now oblivious to the hype that was following it.

Pirates comes in a beautiful 3 dvd box with great shots of its stars on each side as it unfolds out. One dvd is the movie, one side is the extras, and one side is a high definition. Feeling adventurous and knowing that my computer could play hd wmv files, I popped in the hd disc. That's when all hell broke loose. My windows security blocked an ocx file from installing itself. My registry alarm prevented my registry from being altered and my firewall prevented some fucking program from trying to access the internet. Then finally a screen came up telling me an active x element was missing so it refused to do anything else. So I called bullshit and played the wmv file directly. I was pissed. You don't try to to change settings on a computer or install software without informing the user first and then asking him for permission even if it's needed software the play the shit.

As for the movie itself, Digital Playground and Adam & Eve spent a lot of money on the movie itself, not just on hyping it. The plot never takes itself seriously and the setting and backgrounds at time are gorgeous even though I had to squint a lot because most of the scenes take place in the dark. This intentional low lighting helps cover the fact that condoms are being used in many of the scenes but also limits the views that the watchers get. You also get a lot of computer based animation mimicking some parts of Pirates of the Carribean.

Evan Stone puts in a great acting performance and Steven St. Croix hams it up quite a bit. I enjoyed the plot but I watch a porn for the sex and the sex overall is average. More time was devoted to move along the plot and that is shocking when you consider there are ten scenes in the movies. Short scenes that never seem to get going before you already get to the cumshots. Half of the scenes were excuses to have lesbian showdowns between the two companies' stars. I must say they're pretty but the cast was had so many implants I wonder why the crew was even worried about their ships being sunk. Jesse Jane was probably the most energetic of the group because that skinny body can do some contortions. But maybe all those contortions are exagerrated because those boobs don't really go anywhere.

The extras are rich with the highlight that Carmen Luvana used a stunt double for her fall from the boat because she was afraid of sharks. It turns out Jesse Jane was the stunt double! Talk about an MVP. The Castings auditions focused on the non-porn actors/extras and they read their line as flatly as they did in the movie.

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