Lost Hienie Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  6/17/2003

Running Time: 115 min.

Production Date: 05 / 2002

Director: Veronica Hart

Cast: Julie Meadows, Justine Romee, Keisha, Sabrine Maui, Kristal Summers, Kelly Steele, Chris Cannon, Randy Spears, Ian Daniels, Steve Hatcher, and Hamilton Steele and Bridget Powerz, James Donlan, and Woody Schtick in non-sex roles

Initial Expectations: With Veronica behind the camera and this cast in front of it, I can’t not have high expectations

Initial Reaction: It’s a riot, and a very impressive DVD!

Who Should Watch It : Fans of porn and David Lynch movies, anybody wanting a laugh with their porn, and anybody who doesn’t mind some art direction

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting a really tame couples movie

Audio /Video Quality: The audio is very clear and well balanced. There’s a couple moments where the audio appears to have been dubbed, but they’re very small moments. The video is excellent! The lighting goes up and down to accentuate the scenes, and there’s barely a hint of grain.

Music: The music varies quite a bit throughout the movie. Some of it has a soft, private eye style feel, some of it is hard rock, and some of it hits everywhere else in between. In each and every case it fits the scenes perfectly and enhances the scenes rather than interfering with them.

Menus: The main menu has a bit of animation that gives it a nice first impression. The chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and even lets you jump to one of many places in each scene.

The Feature: Veronica Hart has taken aim at David Lynch movies. Somewhere out there, there’s a dead plastic novelty elf. I mean, why else would one have a plastic novelty elf ear? FBI Agent Dolt Jizzmond (Ian Daniels) is teamed with newly turned eighteen campus co-ed Glandy Williams (Julie Meadows) to try and get to the bottom of things.

Julie Meadows starts things out seeing how good a driver Ian Daniels is by giving him a little head as he drives down the road. He’s so good at it that he can hold Julie’s hair with one hand, play with her pussy and ass with the other, or undress himself, and the car stays right on track. Julie moves up to let him eat her slit before sliding down and riding his cock. They head for the back seat for Ian to give it to her missionary style as they go down Sunset Boulevard. He finally finishes things up popping all over her bush. It’s a hot, weird, and very fun scene that put a smile on my face in more that one way.

Julie Meadows diddles herself as Chris Cannon takes on Kristal Summers in a diner in the second scene. After Chris gets Kristal sufficiently warmed up, the girls team up to suck his cock and balls, as well as giving his nipples plenty of attention. Julie takes the first ride on Chris’ cock, leaving Kristal to ride his tongue. Chris takes a turn fucking Kristal from behind while eating Julie, before Julie moves off to diddle herself while Chris pops on Kristal’s ass. It’s a very hot scene with great chemistry. I love that they’ve worked a little nipple play into the scene, and the girls balance out very well with Chris.

Waitress Kelly Steele takes her real life hubby Hamilton Steele on the lunch counter at the diner they work at next. He has her get up on the counter to claim her prize, and dives between her thighs. He tongues her pussy and then moves on to tongue and finger her ass before Kelly wraps her lips and big fat titties around his cock. She sheaths his sword before climbing up to ride him, and then lets him fuck her from behind. Hamilton works her ass over with his tongue before taking her up to four fingers and then fucks her ass. They nicely finish things up with a nice pop on her ass. It’s an amazing scene! Kelly and Ham have all the chemistry one would hope for from a real life couple, and match it with just as much energy. I’ve been looking forward to this scene ever since Hamilton told me about it at the show in Vegas. He told me it turned out amazing (which it did), and I think he said that he and Kelly spent over two hours on the extremely uncomfortable lunch counter to do the scene. It’s an amazing scene that makes me want to see more of Kelly and Hamilton Steele as is, but to throw take that kind of abuse in for the scene just makes me all the more impressed. If anybody’s curious about Kelly Steele, this is the scene to check her out in!

Julie Meadows returns to take on afro-wearing Steve Hatcher and Randy Spears in the movie theater lobby next. She sucks them both before letting them take turns fucking her. Randy gets a go in Julie’s pussy before she squats her ass down on Steve’s cock. She lets the guys team up on her before having them squirt their man-butter in her popcorn. It’s a fairly short scene, but very hot. Julie puts in a performance just like normal, and looks to enjoy every single poke.

Next, Justine Romee (wearing a platinum blonde wig) and Sabrine Maui get it on. Justine eats Sabrine’s snatch before letting Sabrine return the favor. Justine works over Sabrine’s shoes as well as her feet before fucking her with a double dildo. Justine even joins in on the other end so she can get some anal action before they finish things up with a great kiss. It’s a hot scene with some nice energy and chemistry. I haven’t seen Justine in too much lately, and scenes like this make me realize how wrong that is.

Keisha gets a backstage visit from Chris Cannon in the final scene as Ian Daniels watches from the closet. Keisha works Chris over orally before Ian decides he’s taken all the watching he can and comes out to fuck her from behind. Keisha rides Chris in the mandatory reverse cowgirl before the guys DP her. Finally, Keisha has the guys each come on one of her magnificent mammaries, and licks off their dick droppings afterwards. It’s a very hot scene that has some nice humor built into it. The camera angles seemed just slightly off to me at times here, as I found myself wanting a slightly different angle several times, but the chemistry and energy are both just right here.

Lost Hienie is a hot and fun fuck flick that had me laughing as often as it had me reaching to readjust myself. This is one of those rare movies where you have the feeling that everybody involved had a great time throughout every phase of the movie. Okay, the editing might not have been a riot, but everything else here is different and fun enough that I think that anybody who’s seen a couple David Lynch movies (with the exception of Dune) will catch more than a few jokes. There’s a ton of Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive homages, and they all work very well. Julie Meadows does a great job of acting as well as fucking, and turns in a great scene every time. Kelly Steele is also smoking sexually, and I think she might have the best scene in the movie with her hubby Hamilton. Lost Hienie is one of the best porn parodies to come along in a long time, and should be checked out by every David Lynch porn fan out there.

Extras: VCA has put some nice effort into this DVD. There’s some of the standard extras, such as the Wall to Wall option that lets you watch the movie without worrying about all the fast forward fodder, true multiple angles, and a commentary. There’s also bios for Julie Meadows, Kristal Summers, Keisha, and Justine Romee, each of which includes a little personal information, a few photos of the star, and a link to one of the star’s scenes. The photo gallery lasts about three and a third minutes, with about ten seconds per very nice looking full screen photo. There’s also trailers for Sinful Rella, Crime and Passion, and Dangerous Games, all of which were directed by Veronica Hart. There’s also behind the scenes stuff, a deleted scene, and contact and internet information.

There’s two types of behind the scenes action. First, there’s a photo gallery with about twenty great looking full screen photos. Second, there’s a featurette which lasts about thirteen minutes. There’s some nice interviews with Julie Meadows and Veronica Hart, as well as a few comments from Kelly and Hamilton Steele. You also get to see some of the stars between takes and the scenes being shot. It’s a nice behind the scenes featurette, but it’s a little odd as Julie’s interview is used as a voice-over for many of the other scenes here. At one point it looks like Kelly Steele is making a few comments, but you can’t ever hear them due to the voice-over. The same can be said for some of the shots of the scenes being shot. It works okay, but has a very odd feel like it was being done to try and cram as much as possible into the thirteen minutes of the featurette.

The commentary teams Veronica Hart with Julie Meadows. As usual, Veronica and her guest banter back and forth extremely well throughout the movie, and sound to be having one heck of a great time together. They talk about the movie and the people in it, as well as anything else that comes into their minds. It’s a very fun commentary that’s full of spirit.

Finally, there’s a deleted scene between Julie Meadows, Kristal Summers, Keisha, Ian Daniels, and Steve Hatcher along with a nice introduction by Veronica Hart to explain why it was cut. Ian and Julie pair up, as does Kristal and Steve and Chris and Keisha. After a little oral, Ian fucks Julie and Chris fucks Keisha. Kristal, however, keeps sucking Steve and doesn’t even fuck them before they switch things around so Steve can get a little of Julie and Ian can get his knob gobbled by Kristal as she rides Keisha’s face. They keep mixing things up so that everybody can get a little action from everybody else. Julie takes a nice double pop from Chris and Steve and Kristal and Keisha share Ian’s pop to finish things up. It’s a nice group scene that would have fit nicely in the movie, but I also think it’s the weakest scene in the movie. It is, however, great to see it included here as an extra.

Themes: Straight, masturbation, group, rimming, tit-fucking, anal, DP, lesbian, toys, feet, and spanking

Condoms Usage: 100%

Raincoat Factor: Medium high

Overall: Currently, most VCA DVDs can be found online for between $17 and $28 with most stores offering them for around $20. This one is well worth the money. The movie is very hot and very fun, the technical aspects are near perfect, and there’s plenty of extras. This is one of the best DVDs VCA has put out recently.

Note to VCA: Once again, great job! This was one of those DVDs that took a coin toss to decide a final rating in a couple categories, and I'm sorry that the coin didn't like you too much.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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