Elastic Assholes 1 (Red Light District) Review

Looking at the line art and stills on the cover of this Red Light District DVD, one can get a sense of what Elastic Assholes is all about. It's really focused on double penetrations, especially with the actress in the airtight/"all holes filled" position, with some anal gaping and a maybe even an anal creampie thrown in for fun.

Director Mike John is a skilled gonzo/all-sex shooter, so basically we're going to get 139 minutes of Eurobabes getting their holes plugged, no pesky plot here. It appears that Mike John brought along some studs to pay some X-rated housecalls in Prague guessing from the cans of Pilsner Urquell they're quaffing in the Behind The Scenes footage.

Others have reviewed this movie months ago, so I won't give the play-by-play of every single position.

Scene 1: Jane Darling, Steve Holmes, Erik Everhard, Robert Rosenberg

The leadoff hitter is buxom blonde Jane Darling; I love tits, especially when they're naturally big and even more so when they're on a horny blonde slut like Jane. Her black lingerie quickly comes off and she fingers her pussy and anus. A short but well-filmed tit-shaking scene has me ready to cream my shorts. She moves to the next room where the three lucky guys are waiting on the couch. She takes them one after another in reverse cowgirl anal (wow, straight to business!), each quick pumping followed by obvious ass-to-mouth. In contrast to the wordless tease session, she is able to say that she loves cock as she gives a triple blowjob so maybe her English skills aren't as bad as I thought. The two Eurostuds provide the first DP as Erik gets orally attended. Despite the fact that she's left rather unmaneuverable, she's pretty energetic and rather vocal. She takes three well-placed (and well-filmed) cumshots in her mouth before she finally swallows.

Scene 2: Liliane Tiger, Erik Everhard, Steve Holmes, Franco Roccaforte

Contradicting the boxcover, the onscreen graphics list her as Lucy, but as she giggles her butt cheeks for the camera, I don't really care about the discrepancy. Liliane (listed on IAFD as Lilian) is a solidly built brunette/blonde (they're really just blonde streaks) with a number of piercings and tattoos (which aren't my preference); oddly enough, she hasn't bothered to put any earrings in today, the only two holes left unfilled (haha). Like the previous scene, the guys go directly to her asshole. Without any fanfare, they switch to a DP while Franco gets sucked. She's not big on dialogue, but like Jane, Liliane provides good eye contact with the camera. Ass-to-mouth is part of the festivities, highlighted by her tongue piercing. One of the signature positions appears to be the girl DP-sandwiched between two guys standing up, her arms supporting her body on their shoulders. Anal piledriver ensues before the three guys splatter her face with cock juice. No deliberate cum-swallowing here, it's mostly just facials.

Scene 3: Ellen Saint, Steve Holmes, Robert Rosenberg

Busty Ellen Saint is smoking a cigar and drinking beer while rubbing her tits. Damn, where are these girls? She fingers herself briefly, then all interest in cigars and beer evaporates as cock shows up. The guys eventually DP her and she's rather vocal, probably because unlike Jane and Liliane, there isn't a third cock halfway down her esophagus. DP is the name of the game as the guys switch positions; she must be enjoying herself as her upper chest is flushed totally pink. Robert eventually pops in her ass and maybe pops again; she farts the cum all over the camera and then gives the lens a couple of licks. I don't know what happened to Steve.

Scene 4: Kathy Anderson, Erik Everhard, Steve Holmes, Robert Rosenberg

Kathy's ass is better than her command of the English language. No, I am not complaining. Judging by the way she licks her fingers, her ass must be mighty tasty. And her pussy. Maybe she has a strong oral fixation. Magically cocks appear and she's giving a POV triple blowjob. In contrast with previous scenes, she starts off with a fair amount of vaginal sex before she proves that she's a true Euroslut with a full-fledged DP. Robert has a pretty large pop all over her face (but a lot of that ends up dripping on her thigh); Erik is up next and finally Steve pumps her ass until he blows his load internally which drips out. With cum running down her ass and chin, Kathy waves goodbye.

Scene 5: Julie Silver, Erik Everhard, Robert Rosenberg, Steve Holmes

Julie is another blonde Eurobabe with questionable English skills but a great set of knockers and even better nipples. Of the five girls, I think her face isn't quite the same level, but she certainly has a rock-hard ass and enjoys sticking many fingers in her ass. She's pretty slender, too, so when she sinks down on top of Erik's cock, well, it's a spectacle. A2M doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest; she's pretty verbal and maybe that enthusiasm carries over to the guys who seem to enjoy pumping her holes. She takes three loads in her mouth and then gives them a final kiss.

Extra Scene (26 min.): Claudia Rossi, Erik, Franco, another guy (might be Robert)

Based on the feature length, my guess is that this scene is omitted from the VHS version due to a maximum tape duration of 140 minutes. The disc's token brunette, Claudia is walking around in lingerie as Erik and his buddy are shooting pool; she slaps Erik's ass with nary a reaction and walks away. Only in porn, folks. She strips herself of her lingerie, stockings, and shoes and the guys continue shooting. Yeah, right. Franco (who isn't shooting pool) pops in, and eventually pops into her ass. After numerous positions, these guys plaster her face admirably.

Production Values

Mike John is a great technician: the video and audio quality are excellent. The scenes are proper lit, the audio levels are even and there's no silly soundtrack to impede in this wall-to-wall video. The editing is judicious and there are other touches like separate chapters for the popshots. Personally I wish Mike would teach some technical seminars to other shooters in the business.

DVD Extras

Under the Special Features section, we have the standard Photo Gallery and Web Access, along with the aforementioned Bonus Scene with Claudia Rossi.

Behind The Scenes (18 min.) - This is a hodge-podge of behind the scenes shots, bloopers, and general on-set porn antics. The guys do most of the talking, but I really like these snippets since you can see a little more of the people's personalities. Again, Mike John's technical prowess is evident; in the BHS footage from many other directors, the audio is so poorly done that the interviews are almost inaudible, but not with Mike's stuff. My basic litmus test for DVD extras is whether or not I'd view it a second time, and the BHS footage for Elastic Assholes is a big yes.

The boxcover mentions a Cumshot Recap, but I can't find it in any of the menus. Maybe I'm blind.

Summary

Well, this one isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea. There's not a lot of one-on-one vaginal in this one, and most of the scenes go from the blowjobs straight to anal.

As each scene is basically a 3-on-1, there's an elevated risk of erection-killing Hairy Man Ass syndrome. However, Mike John's a real pro and keeps the action and camera focused on the women.

However, it's really the DP lovers who are gonna love RLD's Elastic Assholes the most. Had there been a bit more vaginal sex, I probably would have given an extra half-star for the overall and sex ratings. Still, this is one fine effort from Mike John.

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