Blow Hard (Cal Vista Classics) Review

Blow Hard (Cal Vista, 2009; originally released 1975)

Plot Overview:A groovy guy with an awesome tie guides us through several sexual scenarios to give us a glimpse into the sexual lives of couples in the 70s, with a particular focus on swinging.

Blow Hard begins with a skinny hippy couple running through a field with a blanket; they kiss and hug, and then leap naked as the title appears – The Blow Hard – which, interestingly, is a slightly different title to the one on the box. Then a groovy dude in a truly spectacular tie appears with a microphone and informs the viewer, “In this film we are going to discuss sex. Sex in contemporary society.” Some meat shots are inserted, I guess to show us what he means, and we move on to the first sexual topic, that of students at college.

We see a young man and woman meet outside a big building, which I assume is supposed to represent a college, and we are informed that “it happens naturally” and “a pregnancy results,” which I found rather vague and confusing. Much like the hippy couple, the college kids run and skip away, and we arrive at a party where lots of hip young people are dancing. To put us in the mood, the groovy narrator gives us some STD statistics.

All of a sudden, Jamie Gillis is on screen, biting his lip, and enjoying a BJ from another hipster lady. They’re on the floor next to another hip couple, featuring an impressively hairy man. We are then treated to a pop shot, which is interesting in that the guy cums in the woman’s mouth while the BJ is taking place, she carries on working, and the cum oozes down his shaft. We then see another woman giving a BJ, shaking her head around like a 60s chick, and a cum shot exactly like the one described above ensues.

Some couples are more discrete, our groovy narrator tells us, and said discrete couple fondle each other in the hallway, get naked, and thrash about. Back at the party, there are more oozing cum shots, meat shots, a cum shot on someone’s belly, and some other random sexual stuff. At this stage I have no idea who each person is, and bodies begin to meld with one another. Our discrete couple, meanwhile, are engaging in some cunnilingus, while the groovy narrator tells us about the popularity of “partner swapping,” which we can safely assume is our next subject.

”We all like to visualize ourselves as swingers,” according to our dude, but “very few” really try it. We return to the discrete couple as the woman gives the guy a BJ. She irritatedly moves his hands away from her head (kudos to her) and they transition into a standing position to fuck, though we can’t see much of anything, and we are left to assume by their behavior that they orgasm. The party continues, with some more Jamie Gillis action, and we move on to our next topic of discussion.

”Couples seek privacy in college dorms,” our narrator states, and we watch as a couple walk down a hall and get it on in one of the rooms. After struggling to take off her shoe, the woman lies down with the guy and an awkward, weird, but kinda cool scene takes place. The guy keeps his tighty whiteys on for an unusual amount of time, with his jeans around his thighs, struggles to unhook her bra, and in general is deathly serious about the entire situation. He services her orally for a bit, then she jerks his flaccid cock and appears to fall asleep. The audio has him saying “faster” and “squeeze my balls…that’s great,” his mouth appears to say something else. The audio matches the picture at times, and not at others, which I found entertaining in a funny sort of way. Soon enough, the scene is over, and we rather abruptly move onto another subject.

“In small towns,” our narrator tells us, “gossip is more deterred than any other factor.” I think this is my favorite line in the movie, simply because it makes no grammatical sense. That’s ok though, because here we find a presumably “small town” couple getting it on on what looks like a treasure chest in a basement. A BJ, some fingering, and cunnilingus ensues, and she starts wriggling and batting his head with her palms. Trippy. Once they start fucking, we are treated to some balls that may rival Evan Stone’s, along with copious man-crack and what I suspect is a flaccid penis – he covers it up by rubbing it on her, and there’s no cum shot. Moving swiftly on…

Next up for discussion is the subject of wives who fantasize about their husband’s infidelity, and we see a solo scene featuring a woman who I assume is busy fantasizing. Her husband returns home from cheating and, according to our trusty narrator, “wants to have sex with his wife to convince her of his love for her.” “The wife may reject him,” he goes on, “but finally surrenders to his amorous advances in order to give in to his desires, though she may not want him at that time.” Thus a scene of marital rape becomes “not rape.” They get it on in various ways, and we move on to other matters.

”On the modern campus, all things are equal,” we’re told, and all of these sexual behaviors have a “common denominator”: pot. Sex and drugs are apparently the common denominator between faculty and students, and here we see a crew of presumably high youngsters pull up in a car, including “Tighty whitey” from earlier. They smoke pot in a shed, and bespectacled girl takes off her clothes. Soon everyone is naked, and they indulge in some drug-fueled sex (although Tighty Whitey has a hard time getting it up). Soon after this, the bespectacled girl emerges on the porch smoking, and then blunders around the woods naked in a trippy state. Just say no, kids.

Next up is a real interview with “two lovely ladies”: Sandy and Patsy. Our groovy narrator quizzes them about their attitudes toward infidelity and swinging, and before you know it Patsy is talking about Women’s Lib and the historical denial of sexual satisfaction to women. Swinging can help, in Patsy’s opinion. Our narrator thanks them, and we move on to talk about wife swapping, which even happens in our nation’s capital, Washington D.C.!

Deep in the heart of the capital, a bunch of folks are partying, and it is indicated that some wife swapping is taking place. In fact, the appearance of Jamie Gillis indicates that this is the same party we were at earlier. The narrator says some stuff about women’s rights, and we are then treated to a woman dressed like a squaw fraternizing with another lady. These two are really good looking. Another phenomenon, we’re told, is that of older women with younger men, and here we cut to said phenomenon, as an older woman gives a younger man a BJ. There’s a cum shot, and she doesn’t seem too impressed. We return to Tighty Whitey and his crack, as he makes love to an unidentified woman with a huge zit on her butt. At least he’s actually got wood this time. Mercifully, we quickly return to Jamie Gillis who is still on a rug getting it on next to another couple.

Meanwhile, a woman is getting digitally pleasured, and she utters another zinger of a line: “Will you quit tickling me? If you’re gonna play with it, play with it! If you’re gonna lick it, lick it!” Amen, sister. The party continues with various sex acts, and we move on to the issue of couples who cheat in hotels.

A couple are getting busy in a motel, and soon we cut to a woman receiving a phone call, apparently being summoned to the motel. It’s the guy’s wife, and she shows up to join in the fun. According to our narrator, this kind of behavior is becoming more common and can “go on for hours” often in near-silence. I’m not sure of the relevance of this information, but it doesn’t sound very fun. The fun is further depleted when the non-wife slaps the wife away, and yells “No!” The wife tells her, “Fuck you!” and leaves. I’m confused.

The previous scene wraps up, with husband and mistress completing their affair, and we move on to the next topic: homosexuality. “Who are the homosexuals?” our narrator innocently asks. Then we are treated to a genuinely interesting interview between two old dudes regarding current trends in homosexuality. One of the features of gay life that comes up is “Groovy Guy contests,” which look frankly spectacular. Small towns come up again as sites of particular stigmatization for “the homosexuals,” as well as public and private personas. Once the topic of lesbians comes up, we are offered a girl-girl scene, which is pretty fun. The interview continues throughout, and they finish up by once again talking about women’s rights.

Our final scene involves a rather old man, who looks suspiciously like the cartoon old man from the Creepshow movies, fooling around in a convertible with a young lady. Our narrator concludes, “Man today chases woman just like Adam chased Eve, but contemporary man is no longer satisfied to sate his desires with one woman. And that is a thing of the past.” Huh? I thought Eve chased Adam, and that’s why the fall of mankind is entirely the fault of women. Right?

Final Thoughts

Well, in spite of some pretty hairy sex (in both senses of the word), I am extremely glad I watched this film. It’s like a bizarre time capsule, with some zinger lines, particularly in the narrative. The interior design, clothes, and dialogue are all worth the ticket price, in my opinion, and there are some great trailers for Pleasure Palace, Second Coming of Eva, Sweet Throat, and Flesh Fever. The traditional porn categories won’t do this film justice, and certainly this is not the stuff for arousal, but if you’re interested in strange nuggets of sexual culture, this should definitely be of interest.