Whores Have Eyes, The Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  10/26/2009

The Little Details

Running Time: 90 min.

Production Date: 9 / 25 / 2008

Director: Stuart Canterbury

Cast: Aiden Starr, Britney Amber, Claudia Valentine, Jackie Avalon, Kenzi Marie, Lilly Kingston, Ryder Skye, Trisha Oaks, Alan Stafford, Chris Cannon, Eric Swiss, and Marcus London

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I'm not sure why, but I just can't get my expectations up too high for this one.

Initial Reaction: It's easily passed by.

Who Should Watch It : Extreme fans of the stars

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting well done porn features.

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are okay. The audio is clear and nicely balanced, and I didn't notice any background noises. The video is presented in anamorphic and looks okay. Most of the movie is very nicely presented with great effort put into the lighting, but there also several areas where the picture gets fuzzy.

Music: The music is very well done. It's creepy, but knows enough to hide quietly in the background.

Menus: The main menu blends the boxcover with a little minor animation for an okay first impression. The chapter menu is pretty generic and just lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and a chapter number. There's also the “Select a Star” option that lets you choose a scene based on a still of the girl(s) in each scene and their name(s).

The Feature

When Marcus makes a wrong turn that takes him and his buddies near one of the government's radioactive test areas, he refuses to turn his motorhome around. Soon after they run out of gas and find themselves being focused on by ratty looking whores who want to suck and fuck them dry. No, it's not much of a plot, but it is a porn parody of a horror movie...

After trying to get Marcus to turn away, Eric turns around to find freaky looking bottle blonde Britney, who claims he's her only chance. He plays with her pussy and sucks her tits as they stand facing each other before Britney drops down to enthusiastically suck his cock. She pulls her panties aside to ride him cowgirl style as he sits back in a chair before laying back on a bench to take it missionary style. Finally, Britney gets up for a decent pop in and around her mouth.

This isn't too bad of a scene. Britney's outfit did absolutely nothing for me, but she puts out plenty of energy with nice vocals and seems to have good chemistry with Eric. She does a nice job with the facial finish, and although there's only two positions here the scene moves at a nice pace and doesn't feel overly short. This is a decent start to the movie, but it doesn't quite make it past the average mark.

After the motorhome runs out of gas, Chris and tattooed brunette Ryder pass the time with the help of a lounge chair. Ryder lays back in the chair and lets Chris eat her pussy before the action cuts to her sucking and stroking his cock as he takes his turn sitting back in the chair. The action cuts to her riding him reverse cowgirl style before cutting to them fucking doggie and then cowgirl style. Finally, Ryder takes a clear and almost nonexistent pop form Chris on her tits.

This scene didn't do much of anything for me. Ryder isn't bad looking, but she has a look that's very fake to me between her implants, dyed hair, and multitude of tattoos. The scene seemed extremely drawn out with the reverse cowgirl lasting for just short of forever, and the choppy editing didn't help it at all. Throw in a pop that doesn't look like it makes three clear drops and you have a definite dud of a scene that's easily the worst in the movie.

When Marcus goes back to the gas station he's found by hot blonde Kenzi, who claims to be looking for a man like here and to have an engine that runs forever. She pushes him back on a bench and strips him down to suck his cock while giving him some very nice eyes and plenty of throat. The action cuts to her riding him reverse cowgirl style before letting him take her from behind. They also get in a cowgirl ride before Kenzi nibbles on Marcus' nuts until he can give her a nice facial finish.

This is easily the best scene in the movie. Kenzi looks slutty without appearing as far out as Britney in the first scene, and there's nice chemistry between her and Marcus to the point that I didn't really notice them following the same position arrangement as the previous scene until it was nearly over. There's some decent energy and vocals to the scene, and although the camera work seemed better here (especially with the lower lighting), the editing was still a bit choppy and held the scene back a little. This is a pretty good scene.

While alone in the motorhome, busty brunette Claudia is sniffed out by wild bottle blonde Tricia who lays her back on the couch to eat her pussy and suck her tits. Claudia kisses Tricia and sucks her tits in return before Tricia strips down to let Claudia lick her bald beaver. The girls also grind against each other, sixty-nine, and sit next to each other to rub each other's nub before finishing things with a kiss.

This is an okay scene. As usual the style didn't do a lot for me, but there was some nice effort between the girls. They keep things moving fairly well, but the spacial limitations of the motorhome didn't help the camera angles any and the choppy editing continued to annoy me. This scene hovers around the average mark.

When Alan gets back to the camper he finds dirty blonde Aiden blocking his way with brunette Jackie and dirty blonde Lilly close by to watch as she pulls him down to explore her pussy. The others play with themselves a little while watching Alan eat Aiden and then as Aiden sucks his cock in return. After a bit Jackie starts sucking Lilly's tits and a little later they all move to the lounge chairs for Aiden to ride Alan reverse cowgirl style while the girls watch and lightly play with each other and themselves. They move in to play with Aiden a little as Alan fucks her missionary style and then get it back on with each other as he fucks her doggie style. Finally, Alan pulls out and pops on Aiden's ass.

This is another scene that can't make it to the average mark. Alan and Aiden have nice chemistry with each other and keep it moving well. Jackie and Lilly, however, add next to nothing to the scene and seemed more of a distraction than anything. If they would have gotten into each other better or mixed it up with Aiden and Alan a bit this might have been a better scene, but as it just seems to be wasted potential.

I've never seen the original The Hills Have Eyes that The Whores Have Eyes is a parody of, so maybe I'm not the best person to judge this movie. As is, however, The Whores Have Eyes was a disappointment even going in with fairly low expectations. Some of this is due to my tastes, as I prefer women to look beautiful or even fairly natural rather than seeing them made up like freaks to fuck. That said, even if they were made up to look beautiful I'm not sure it would have helped much here. Kenzi Marie and Britney Amber brought some decent chemistry to their scenes with Marcus London and Eric Swiss, respectively, but the others never got beyond the average level. The bigger problem was the camera work and editing, with the camera work seeming uninspired and the editing giving the sex a very choppy feeling. Throw in a plot that's light and forgettable even by porn or horror movie standards and there's not much left. The Whores Have Eyes is a forgettable movie that's a pretty good argument for the thought that some studios are bleeding the life out of porn parodies.

The Extra Stuff

Trailers are included for and Asian Fever: Tokyo Girls, Barely Legal: Fitness Fanatics, Barely Legal: Oral Education 2, Taboo: Mind Fuck, This Ain't the Munsters XXX. The photo gallery lasts about eight minutes with about five seconds per nice looking snapshot. Since this is a Hustler release, there's also no shortage of commercials, as well as a behind the scenes featurette.

The behind the scenes featurette lasts nearly twelve minutes. Britney poses for a few stills and talks about how she got into the business before Marcus shoots some of his setup scenes and chats with Claudia. There's also a bit of Ryder and Chris shooting their scene and Tricia posing for stills before Claudia has a few more words with the camera as she poses for her stills. She has a little fun with Tricia around shooting their scene before Alan and the girls shoot the final scene. This is a pretty forgettable behind the scenes featurette, which is very surprising with The Coach behind the camera for it as The Coach normally brings out a lot from the cast in his featurettes. There's a little personality with some of the girls, but most of the featurette is just about girls posing for their stills quietly and shooting the scenes in the movie. This is an easily skipped featurette.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, lesbian, voyeurism, masturbation, and group

Raincoat Factor: Medium

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Hustler’s DVDs can be found online for between about $16 and $25 with stores offering it everywhere in between. Rent this one if you feel the need to check it out. The movie is light, choppy, and easy to forget without a single really good sex scene. The technical aspects aren't bad, but there's an annoying blurry spot that keeps showing up in the movie and the extras don't have much more than a bland behind the scenes featurette. This is an easily skipped release.

Note to Hustler: You've made some great porn parodies. I hope you stick with ones you can do well in the future rather than just churning out crap like this.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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