Weapons of Ass Destruction 3 (Evil Angel) Review

Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones  on  8/16/2004

Weapons of Ass Destruction #3
*****
2004, 3 hours
Evil Angel DVD and Jules Jordan Video
Directed by Jules Jordan
Starring Teagan, Tiffany Mynx, Jayna Oso, Roxy Jezel, Rose and Charmane Starr

The Knowledge:

Cheesecake.

Each time I come across a movie by wunderkind auteur Jules Jordan I struggle to nail down what specifically makes his fuck flicks so popular to the masses. High production values, excellent casting and a knack for making his talent agree to do things they would normally never do for any other director aside, what is it that sets Double J apart from the rest of the pack? The answer is very simple and lies above.

The term “cheesecake“ is used to describe the socially acceptable images throughout the years that routinely objectified women. We‘ve all seen semi-nude pin-ups of the legendary Bettie Page, playing cards, postcards, lighters, key chains, drinking glasses, posters (the timeless Farrah Fawcett poster from the early ’70s comes to mind) and the cliché calendar of bikini-clad women hanging on the dorm/locker room or local garage/factory wall. All of this qualifies as cheesecake. They represent what we as men love and want to have: an openly sexual, very sensual and attractive woman, ready, willing and at our disposal.

Jordan, with his unique perspective and roving camera, has managed to bring cheesecake into the new millennium; out of the backrooms, off of various adult novelties and onto videotape. In any given movie we’ve seen Jules either intentionally or inadvertently cover everything from burlesque, fetishism, soft core violence and most of all, eroticism. Through creative camera angles he is able to greatly exaggerate the female proportions he admires most, a potent and highly popular technique. Jordan (and most pornography as a whole) also plays to the most base of male fantasies: the domination and humiliation of women. I don’t mean that in a negative way nor are the men in Jordan’s movies wreaking their sexual will upon helpless or hapless victims, rather it is quite the opposite. The women in this movie willingly submit to, engage in or even ask for this masochistic behavior because they either like it themselves or they desperately want to please their partners. I’m simply pointing out that the combination of Jules’ “cheesecake” sensibilities and satisfying the typical male point of view of wanting a mate who will not “answer back, demand reciprocation, compromise or fair treatment” is a can’t-miss prospect, even if he himself does not recognize it as such.

Weapons of Ass Destruction 3 stands as the pinnacle, the epitome of Jules Jordan’s artistic vision and personal style. In it a passive Teagan, clad in a catholic schoolgirl uniform, is bound to a wall, gagged and spanked with an oversized riding crop by Mark Ashley. Roxy Jezel leads Jayna Oso to a dominant Michael Stefano on all fours by a chain leash. Rose and Tiffany Mynx satisfy multiple partners in their mini-gangbangs and last but not least, Charmane Starr finally allows a male member to penetrate her anus in the ultimate act of female submission. The trick is that Jordan manages to do all of these things and keep it tantalizing, erotic and dare I say, glamorous rather than demeaning, hostile or exploitative. It is a fine line but Jules toes it masterfully and therein lies his the secret to his seemingly bulletproof appeal.


The Action:

Firstly I have to give insane props to the opening credits sequence…if the sight of seeing the voluptuous Tiffany Mynx engaged in a fucking FOURway, Teagan in a pleated miniskirt with a ball gag and a hard cock firmly implanted in her mouth and anal beads (and again, hard dick) firmly entrenched in her ass, fails to get you up for this movie, you don’t deserve to have a penis or be in the presence of those who do have one. Charmane Starr taking it in the pooper for the very first time from Jules and getting one helluva a monster facial to finish doesn’t hurt the opener, either. But just when you think you’ve seen it all, the super-sexy Rose appears and not to be outdone by Mynx, also takes FOUR major loads on her face, as well. But oh no, it’s not over. Call it InvAsian Part II, because we also have Roxy Jezel and Jayna Oso in the house doing what they do best…talking shit, going crazy on each other and going absolutely fucking ballistic on whatever cock happens to be in their circumference.

Teagan (Hellcats 3, Service Animals 16, Drop Sex 2)

This is the moment I imagine many a Teagan fan has been waiting for. Teagan‘s been THE fresh face to watch all year but never before have we seen her under the direction of Jules Jordan (we just as eagerly anticipate her appearance in Flesh Hunter 7). Will it make a difference in her performance? I don’t know, but for her fans, I‘d say this is one major event. Not to mention, the trailer that was up at Evil Angel.com before this DVD was released showed clips from this scene that saw Teagan squirting, a first for her on camera if I‘m not mistaken.

Teagan is facing a wall, her hands bound above her head, her legs spread apart. Ashley arrives and worships that round ass beneath her black skirt. He spanks her with a riding crop and his hands, then plunges his face deep into her bung, licking and inhaling her aroma. Presley’s butt is just so perfect you can understand Mark’s enthusiasm and this prolonged period of ass-play. There‘s something really hot and undeniably sexy about seeing the nubile Teagan bound, gagged and helpless with her lacy black thong down around her knees. Mark finally ungags Teag and sinks his meat into her from behind while she is still bound to the door, occasionally warming up her ass with a clear butt plug. Unbound, Teagan drops to her knees and runs her pierced tongue up, down and all over Ashley‘s prick. I‘m looking at Teagan in her white dress shirt-type top and black leather tie and you can‘t help but start to see a slight resemblance to the Britney Spears from the “Hit Me Baby, One More Time“ era. A scene with her and Christina Aquillera look-a-like Krystal Steal shot by Jordan would OWN. YOUR. BALLS.

The action moves to a black leather recliner where Teagan bends over for Mark to bang her up-and-over doggie. How great is Teagan‘s ass? I mean, REALLY. This thing is awesome and seeing it get held high in the air and plugged has to be one of life‘s great pleasures at this moment in my life. Jesus. Seeing this has renewed my faith in a Higher Power. Her poop chute‘s in prime position for pillaging so Ashley does just that and pumps away like a piston. This action just might look better than the aforementioned vaginal doggie footage. Teag isn‘t at all shy about licking her ass juice from Mark‘s cock. She then lies on her back, spreading her legs wide for Mark to insert some bright blue anal beads and then his dick, in and out, in and out with the looped end of the anal beads hangs out of Teagan’s tight little starfish. The beads are removed and put into Teagan’s mouth, of course, before Ashley goes back to work on her ass with his own flesh tool. More a2m before Teagan‘s hops on top of Ashley cowgirl, bouncing her ass on his prick in between more ass-to-mouthings. Reverse cowgirl follows where I notice Teagan’s little 18-year-old pussy, after not even a full year in the business, already looks like a porn veteran’s. When Teagan climbs off of Mark to suck his prick, he fingers her pussy, culminating in an earth-shattering orgasm that sees Teagan SHOOT SPARKS OUT OF HER ASS! No wait, that’s liquid…she’s squirting. Equally amazing if you ask me. Lastly, Jay fucks her ass missionary and jerks off into Teagan’s open waiting mouth. Did the scene live up to our expectations? I’d say so and THEN SOME. This is how Teagan should be dressed, this is how she should be used, this is how she should be fucked. Period. This is what you call maximizing someone‘s potential; showcasing their strengths while masking their weaknesses, a technique at which Jules is a master. ****


Tiffany Mynx (Ass Worship 5, Once You Go Black…2, Feeding Frenzy 4)

It‘s full-blown woman time for the older fans in the house as Hall of Famer Tiffany Mynx shows off her wares in a goddamned TIGHT black and white pinstriped PVC body suit with a plunging neckline. A pair of black rimmed eyeglasses complete the ensemble and man, that red hair is WORKING for her. This is where you have to give Jules credit. How on top of WARDROBE is this man? While every other director out there is still playing catch-up and dolling their casts up in fishnet bodysuits, Jules has LONG since moved on and adorned his talent in some of the sexiest ensembles EVER in porn without relying on the type of clothing he popularized in the past. Mr. Pete, Alberto Rey, Mark Wood and Arnold arrive out of thin air to molest the now-titanic titted Tiffany (her boobs are nearing Christy Canyon-like proportions though not nearly as droopy). Fully-nude themselves, the guys surround her, groping every inch of her body and shoving cocks in her face from every possible angle. Tiffany kneels down and blows all of them, like she‘s trying out for a part in Jordan‘s next Feeding Frenzy flick. Mr. Pete attacks Tiff‘s pussy first, pulling aside her thong and hammering her doggie while she continues to suck off the others. Some stars from the nineties have just gotten better with time and Tiffany Mynx is proof positive of that. Luckily for her the vestiges of time have been more than kind to her (along with the Asia Carrera‘s and Jill Kelly‘s of the world) and it‘s amazing that not only does she still want to do porn but that she maintains a body and enthusiasm for the business that fans still want to see. Trust me, there’s VERY few stars from that era that I can honestly say I’d want to see still working today. If you told me ten years ago that Mynx would still be going and looking like this today, I would have, without a doubt, laughed right in your face. Mynx struts that phat ass up a nearby staircase where it‘s alternately filled by every guy in the room. Tiff grinds her ass back on their cocks and her tits flop out of control when they fuck her like madmen against the gold banister.

After some action at the top of the stairs, we take the party to a bedroom where everyone piles onto the bed and has their way with Mynx‘s available orifices. It‘s here that the boys lock her in airtight, DP‘ing her cowgirl while she alternately keeps the other two cocks busy with her mouth. It’s Master Blaster Musical Chairs as the guys just rotate positions and circle around Tiffany, waiting their turn to put their dick in whatever hole she has free at any given moment. Tiffany climbs aboard Rey reverse cowgirl, planting her feet on his knees and her ass on his dick. Rey occasionally pulls out and lifts Mynx‘s ass up for someone else to fuck until they DP her silly again. Tiffany rounds up the boys in a school-circle once again to end the scene, sucking and stroking them all like the veteran she is, inviting them all to shoot on her face. Rey is first, firing multiple strong straight streams right to the back of her throat, which she swallows. The others follow in rapid succession, giving her more of the same. Mynx holds all three loads and is about to swallow when someone, I don‘t know who, more than likely Rey, arrives with a second load. With her mouth now full of four hefty sperm deposits, Mynx blows bubbles and then swallows her treat all at once with one mighty gulp. She then kisses and strokes each cock in appreciation. Wow. Just wow. **** ½


Jayna Oso (Feeding Frenzy 3, The Voyeur 24, Service Animals 17) & Roxy Jezel (Feeding Frenzy 4, Drop Sex 2, Service Animals 16)

Roxy Jezel, clad in a red plaid skirt and matching top leads Jayna Oso, in small black leather shorts and matching mesh top, by a leash over to Michael Stefano. Good choice of male talent to pair up with these two insatiable and energetic sluts. He‘s one of the few who can possibly match their nastiness and intensity. With these two, stamina is probably the most important trait to have. Mike and Roxy take turns tasting Oso‘s asshole, Stefano pulling aside her shorts and slipping in some large anal beads. He completes a toy DP when he begins to ram a medium-sized lavender dildo in her pussy. Jayna‘s enjoying every minute of it while half-Thai Roxy whispers dirty talk into the former “Malaysia’s” ear in her sexy British accent. Mike makes Oso beg to be fucked before mounting her up-and-over doggie while having her suck his toe. I can only guess that this might be somewhat of a dream come true for Jayna who has cited Stefano (and Belladonna) as her favorite performer to watch. Jezel cleans his cock from behind whenever he dares to pull out. Roxy removes Jayna‘s rather large anal beads with her teeth and the two share/suck on the beads for a bit before Stefano bends them both over and takes turns fucking them standing doggie.

Roxy gets railed on a barstool mish before Mike puts both her and Jayna on matching stools right beside one another to fuck their asses while they sit, asses pouring over the edge of the stools. Oso‘s like a hyperactive child, bouncing up and down in anticipation of her penetration while Jezel gets hammered. She and Roxy kiss deeply in the meantime. When it‘s Jayna‘s turn, Roxy sucks Stefano‘s cock out of her ass a few times until Stefano brings her over for some reverse cowgirl anal action where Jayna returns the a2ogm favor. When Roxy‘s ride is done, Oso hops on for a wildly intense anal cowgirl fucking and gets her tiny tits slapped by Stefano. “You love that cock up your ass don‘t you, bitch?,” Roxy asks right before Jayna has a face-reddening, sweaty screaming orgasm. We then cut to our two leading ladies kissing each other, facing one another on all fours like life-like asian versions of the statues at the Corova Milk Bar in Kubrick‘s “A Clockwork Orange.” Stefano dips his wick into Jezel‘s ass first and Oso comes around for more a2ogm goodness. “Fuck her ass. Fuck her fuckin‘ ass,” she implores of Michael before using both hands to spread Roxy‘s cheeks apart wide for Mike‘s meat. She spanks Roxy’s ass hard a few times and then sticks her tongue deep into Roxy’s asshole before concentrating on rubbing her pussy raw while Stefano fucks her ass. Jayna‘s doggie dicking is up next and Roxy positions herself under Oso where the two engage in a hot sixty-nine, lapping at each other‘s pussies while Stefano alternates his prick between Jayna‘s crapper and Roxy‘s mouth. Hot stuff. Finally, the two take turns using Mike’s dick as a Crazy Straw, trying to literally suck the sperm up out of Stefano‘s balls until he unloads all over the fiercely feline features of Roxy. She takes the deposit into her mouth and then swaps it with Jayna, dribbling it into her mouth, culminating in a sloppy and slutty kiss to end the scene. They go back to work on Mike‘s dick as we fade to black. With these three involved, what did you expect? ****


Rose (InvAsian, Feeding Frenzy 4)

“I was just gonna bake cookies and I don’t know what happened,” Rose tells Jordan as he walks into his kitchen to find the super hot Rose surrounded by Arnold, Scott Lyons, Mark Wood and Brett Rockman, already groping the petite asian hard body from Torrance, her sheer top raised and showing off those big perfect tits of hers. She’s got four guys to please here and only three holes to penetrate so she’s already got her work cut out for her. “So many cocks, so little time,” she says as she puts her first hole, her mouth, to use on all four guys standing around her in a circle. This is a girl who definitely saves her best and most uninhibited work for Jules‘ lens (with the exception being Brandon Iron‘s “I Love It Rough 3“, Rose was off the chain in that sumbitch, please believe it). I‘ve seen nearly everything this 5‘1“ half-Filipino/half-Caucasian piece of ass has been in and when Jordan is behind the camera it‘s almost like she‘s not even the same person; the difference is literally night and day. The guys take turns fucking her pussy for a while in the kitchen before she leads them to another room where this exotic looking temptress raises the temperature considerably.

Rose gets on all fours for starters, accommodating two partners at a time, one fucking her tight and tanned ass doggie while she expertly sucks off the other. Next thing you know, guys are ramming their dicks in her ass and Rose is loving it. With four dicks swinging in the room, you know it‘s not long before Rose is locked in air tight, DP‘d cowgirl by Arnold and Rockman with Wood in her mouth. Everyone gets a crack at her…well, crack before they switch to reverse cowgirl, Dping her again while she keeps the other cocks busy with her hands and mouth. Supposedly, this was the first time Rose had done anal on camera (I’m just seeing that it is advertised as such on the back box cover) and her first double vadge was for Jules as well (in InvAsian), as well as a blowbang which turned into an impromptu gangbang (in Feeding Frenzy 4). Does this man have magical powers or what? Whatever his powers of persuasion, thank the Lord he has‘em or else we wouldn‘t be seeing women like Rose in scenes like this. The guys surround Rose and take turns blasting ball batter onto her face. I think the mere sight of seeing the sophisticated face stare up at me and ask for my load would be enough to make me glaze her with gonad gloss. They all wet her up something awful, leaving Rose looking like a frosted strudel covered with candle wax. Surely on par with Tiffany Mynx‘s similar outing a few scenes earlier, though the two have distinctly different approaches: Mynx seeming more effortless and genuine, like she does fourways everyday, while Rose‘s foray came off just as satisfying and enjoyable but more experimental, as if she liked it but it was still obvious it was her first time. ****½


Charmane Starr (Flesh Hunter 5, InvAsian, Once You Go Black…2)

Charmane was easily far and away the sexiest asian in the industry in my opinion before Rose came along from out of nowhere and took her title but apparently Jules still has much love for her. He saved her scene for last, right? I don‘t know what type of relationship these two have but Charmane is yet another young asian lady who generally saves her best for Jordan and today is no exception. Not only is she performing with him (again) but she‘s going to give up her butthole to her longtime buddy as well. Starr enters the house through the front door in an all-black ensemble, black fishnet stockings, black fuck-me pumps and noisy black PVC rain/trench coat and matching corset. She takes us through a slow and sensual tease sequence before leading us upstairs where The Man himself awaits.

Jules removes her coat and gives her pussy and those eraser-like nipples a few playful licks before Charmane undoes his pants and blesses him with one of her patented “Starr Treatment” blowjobs. Charmane’s super-tanned today but obviously doesn’t tan topless because she’s sporting tanlines on her tits like Anna Malle used to rock in the ‘90s. Not that it’s a problem, just an observation. Jordan lies Charmane back on a sofa and fucks her pussy mish first after shoving a finger or two in her ass. He flips her over and pounds her doggie next, raising her right leg for an awesome view of the penetration and cupping her tiny breasts. Reverse cowgirl follows, the camera getting so close to Starr’s sharp erect nipples you’ll fear that one is going to put your eye out. The time has come for the coup de grace, Starr is ready to have her ass fucked. She lies down on her stomach and spreads her legs wide. Surprisingly, Jules slides right in without a hint of discomfort from Charmane, much unlike Jordan’s anal deflowering of Jeanie Rivers in Ass Worship 3, which was my biggest fear going into this outing; that it would be equally as uneventful. Charmane gets off of her stomach and raises up for Jules to fuck her ass proper doggie where we get some good POV footage and then some shots from behind when Jules goes up and over. A ginger anal cowgirl ride is next with an abnormal amount of cuts/edits in the action. Maybe Charmane didn’t take to her analizing so well after all. Jules rolls Charmane over where she spread eagles for a missionary anal pounding, where Jordan also fingers her pussy simultaneously and Starr even does some a2m, the only thing really missing from this scene thus far. The capper of course is, if you’ve seen stills or the trailer, Jules’ facial. Charmane looks like she got slapped by the Four-Fingered Pop Shot Monster, four huge streams of jizz fanning out over her entire face and gargantuan globs of goo gluing her eyes shut. Awesome.

Nice scene but it really cannot stand up next to anything else on the rest of this disc. The previous four scenes were just to volcanic for this to be able to even hold a candle to them. Maybe it would’ve been a better idea for Jules to have kept this one in the can for the next installment of InvAsian. ***½


Extras:

All the extras reside on the second disc. There are two Evil Angel Fetish Menus this time around. Menu one consists of Tease, Toys, Blowjobs, Spanking and Anal Sex. Menu two has Squirting, Rimming, Double Penetration, Ass-to-Mouth and Cumshots. There’s a ton of extra sex footage from each of the five scenes, a photo gallery, website info, a cast list, their filmographies and biographies and teaser trailers for four other Jules Jordan/Evil Angel projects (Perfect Specimens, Feeding Frenzy 3, Trained Teens 3 and Flesh Hunter 6).


Comments:

Besides ending on a somewhat tame note, the combined sum here, the overall effort is much greater than its individual five seperate parts. Even though it’s only three installments in, this is one line I can truly say gets better with each release whereas most lines tend to lose steam around or at this point. The only disadvantage to that being that this one is going to be really hard to top. I mean, REALLY hard. I sometimes wish that Jordan would take it easy with the toys like beads and butt plugs, but that‘s a minor quibble and a personal preference. If you’re a fan of his previous outings, you need to run out and spend your LAST dollar on this three-hour masterpiece. Teagan disciplined and dominated, Tiffany Mynx gangbanged and swallowing, Rose’s first anal and gangbang, Roxy and Jayna in an ass-to-mouth celebration and Charmane’s first ass-fuck. If you don’t buy this, I promise you’ll do your best to kick YOURSELF in the nuts when you finally do get ahold of a copy and see what you‘ve been missing. I asked aloud in my review of Once You Go Black 3 if the industry and fans had begun to take Jordan‘s work for granted. Weapons of Ass Destruction 3 proves that we can‘t. We simply cannot. There was once a shard of doubt in my mind; a sneaking suspicion that Jordan might be overrated, that praise was heaped upon him too easily, too often. That doubt has officially been erased. JJ stands as the King of the game at this point in time and WOAD3 is the shiniest, most flawless jewel in his crown thus far.

Crucifixio Jones