This Ain't The Expendables XXX Review

Reviewed by fu_q  on  8/2/2017

**Note – This review is based upon the web version of the film streaming and available for download on the Hustler network. As such, any bonuses haven’t been given a rating, and there could be some discrepancies between this version and other releases.**

Review:
Things get personal when Kimberly Kane's raunchy, ragtag band of badass babes-for-hire, the Expendables, are contracted out to get involved in a tense situation on an island run by a strongman general. This is particularly true given that the general's daughter (Lyla Storm) who's been taken captive is also the love of Kane's life...and she'd do anything (...and anyone...) to have the chance to get her back. Such is the case in "This Ain't the Expendables XXX", an overall-good, 2012 parody release from Hustler Video and director Axel Braun. Following the somewhat unfortunate formula of many of Braun's less important parodies, this film essentially plays out with a bit of plot, followed by a lot of fucking, then a bit of plot, followed by a lot of fucking, and so on. While the storyline is certainly there, it's quite rudimentary, and it isn't fleshed out anywhere near as substantively as it could have been. Indeed, this flick more or less feels like cos-play fucking justified by a threadbare, underlying premise. That's not to say that it isn't good, it is--at least when considered against the relatively low bar set by more-modern pornography--but it could have been better, and more effort could have been expended. Regardless, those who like the current parodies, an action theme with their adult fare, and/or any of the ladies will still likely find something worthy here. They just should be sure not to overpay for it.

In terms of the sex, Scene One pairs up the strawberry-blonde, knife-tossing beauty, the legendary Brooklyn Lee, pounding out her guy, the big-dicked Billy Glyde (RIP), after she's discovered that he's been cheating on her whilst she's been away. Sex hath no fury like a woman scorned, as Glyde quicky learns, as the two take care of business on his sofa (oral, vaginal ; facial). In Scene Two, the punky brunette from Baltimore, Andy San Dimas, and her cute-as-can-be babe, Jessie Andrews, drop their short-shorts and get down to business on a couch in the upstairs room at the Expendables' hangout. Fingers, tongues, and rimming follow in the sexy, little affair that unfolds. Scene Three finds Derrick Pierce and Kimberly Kane, the Expendables leader, "closing the deal" between them with a lot more than a handshake, as they go for it POV-style in a church. This one brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "coming to Jesus", with the dirty titty-banging and oral action that ensues (jerk and suck to a facial). In Scene Four, two dopey, machine-gun-toting captors, Alec Knight and Brendon Miller, fall prey to their leggy, brunette prisoner's (Lyla Storm's) feminine wiles, taking her as she offers up her body in her cell. Despite her imprisoned status, she sucks and fucks their cocks with abandon, ultimately winding up both at the receiving end of a double-facial and also deceived. Scene Five features a celebratory romp between the chocolate-hued Ana Foxxx, the Asian assassin London Keyes, and the boy-toy that Kimberly's produced for them, Some Dude. This all occurs in Kane's tattoo parlor and involves the ladies partaking in Dude's man-meat both orally and vaginally. A pop-shot on Keyes' chest and Foxxx' face, followed by the latter lapping at the cum on the former, finishes off this fine fuck.