This Ain't Hell's Kitchen XXX Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  6/23/2009

The Little Details

Running Time: 90 min.

Production Date: None given

Director: Stuart Canterbury

Cast: Aiden Starr, Callie Dee, Kagney Linn Karter, Kylee Reese, Missy Stone, Veronica Rayne, Anthony Rosano, Billy Glide, Kris Slater, and Marcus London

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I've never watched Hell's Kitchen, and there's something about this one that leaves me unsure of what to expect.

Initial Reaction: It's mildly amusing with decent sex, but nothing overly impressive.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody wanting lighter porn with a bit of humor

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting a heavier feature or nastier sex

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects show a lot of care. The audio is clear and well balanced, and I didn't notice a single flaw. The video is presented just as nicely in anamorphic widescreen. The picture is very clear and well lit and the camera work is smooth.

Music: There's a little music between scenes, but none during the sex

Menus: The main menu has a little animation and a fun style that helps make a very nice first impression. The chapter menu, however is very generic and just lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and a scene number. There's also a “Select a Star” option that lets you jump to a scene based on the name of each girl and some still photos.

The Feature

Two male chefs are left on the blue team, with four female chefs on the pink team after last week's episode. Chef Jordan Rams'em (Marcus London) still has a few surprises left to see who will survive Hell's Kitchen. Tonight, a world famous restaurant critic will be dining with them and deciding the winner before somebody is sent home forever.

As blonde Kagney works in the kitchen, Marcus comes up behind her and gropes her before wondering what she could do with his sausage. She happily kisses him as they grope each other and help each other strip down. Marcus sucks her tits as soon as they come out and slides a hand into her pants to play with her pussy before letting her drop down so he can fuck her face. Kagney lays back on the counter so he can tongue and finger her pierced bald pussy before bending over it so he can fuck her from behind. Kagney sucks and titty fucks him before letting him fuck her missionary style on the counter, and then takes a nice pop in and around her mouth while giving Marcus some great eyes and looking like she might swallow it down.

This is a pretty hot opening scene. I think this is the first I've seen of Kagney, and it's easy to see why she's getting such a following. She's cute with a great body, puts out nice vocals, and gets into the sex very nicely including some great eyes. The scene does seem a little drawn out as well as short due to only having two positions, but there is nice chemistry between her and Marcus. This is a good scene to open the movie.

When service is taking too long, Billy starts to get it on with his bottle blonde girl Aiden right at the table. He kisses her and sucks her tits before she starts eating his massive meat at the table. Aiden gets up on the table for Billy to eat her out and lick her ass before he fucks her missionary style while the other customers watch in shock. She lets him take her from behind and sucks him clean before eagerly riding him reverse cowgirl style. Finally, Aiden gets down for a decent facial finish with most of the pop missing her face.

This is a very enjoyable scene. Not only do Billy and Aiden have very good chemistry, but the looks of shock and disgust on the restaurant patrons around them make the scene all the more enjoyable. Aiden puts out some very nice vocals and energy, but doesn't have the desperate feeling that sometimes holds her scenes back for me. This is another enjoyable scene.

Bottle blonde Kylee convinces brunette Callie to help her put on a show for Marcus. They kiss while running their hands around each other with Kylee quickly making her way down to eat and finger Callie's pussy as she sits back on the counter. Callie gets down and helps Kylee strip down so she can eat her from behind while giving plenty of attention to her pierced hood. Marcus urges them on as they get up to play with themselves and then gives them his approval as they give each other one last kiss.

This is an above average scene. The girls are cute and get into each other pretty well, but the action seemed a little too limited. There's only one position for each girl to give and then a long masturbation sequence, and although it's nicely captured it just didn't seem like enough to really matter too much. This isn't a bad scene, but with another couple positions it could have been a good one.

After seeing how critic Veronica liked his personal Italian cream in her creamy Italian dressing, Anthony decides to give her an extra helping for dessert. He licks and fingers her shaved pussy as she sits on the bar before helping her strip down so he can suck her tits. Anthony helps Veronica down and admires her ass before sitting on the bar for her to suck and stroke his cock. She sits back in a chair for him to fuck her before rolling over so he can pull her hair as he fucks her from behind. Veronica bounces on Anthony's bone reverse cowgirl style before finally having him pop on her tits.

This is a hot and fun scene. Veronica puts out some great vocals and energy, and really drives the scene. She has nice chemistry with Anthony, and he helps the scene out with a touch of humor setting it up. This is one of the better scenes in the movie.

Brunette chef Missy lets Kris know that she'd do anything if he doesn't pick her to go on the chopping block. She puts his beer aside so he can better concentrate on her sucking his cock and then climbs up to ride him cowgirl style. Missy also lets him fuck her doggie and missionary style before Kris spews his seed over her nicely natural tits.

This is a good final scene. Missy is cute as can be and turns out a very nice fuck. The action is nicely captured and there's nice chemistry from start to finish. This is a good scene that closes the movie on a high note.

This Ain't Hell's Kitchen XXX is an above average porn parody. It works mostly due to some nicely done production values and Marcus London turning in an impression of Gordon Ramsey that even as somebody who hasn't paid attention to the original show beyond seeing it in commercials, is amusing. The sex goes from being pretty average to good, with Veronica Rayne's scene with Anthony Rosano easily coming out as the best. The sex often suffers from feeling like it could use an extra position or two, a problem which feels all the larger when the movie barely lasts an hour and a half with credits. This Ain't Hell's Kitchen XXX is a fun little porn parody, but it lacks the spark to take it anywhere beyond being just that.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery lasts about eight and a quarter minutes with about five seconds per very nice looking snapshot. Trailers are included for five other Hustler releases with covers so small you can't even make out what the movies are unless you're very familiar with the covers. There's also a behind the scenes featurette, weblinks, and because this is a Hustler release more commercials than the Democratic Party has taxes.

The behind the scenes featurette lasts about twelve minutes and features Coach behind the camera. Coach starts out chatting with Missy, who covers such commonly trod porn BTS subjects as the works of Edgar Allen Poe before Kris cleans her up after the scene. Kagney is next, who unfortunately comes off about as brainless as the average person probably thinks of an overly implanted bottle blonde porn chick being. Kylee talks about just being sick and breaking in a new girl before showing off her nicely pierced tits. After a little of Aiden and Billy's scene being shot Veronica chats about herself and shows off. Aiden also chats about her day so far and shows off plenty of personality as well as her body. Callie talks about how she got into porn and her and her friends watching her scenes. Finally you get a little outtake from the movie. This is a very nice behind the scenes featurette. It's been a long time since I've watched something with Coach working the BTS camera, and he turns out every bit as friendly and fun of a behind the scenes featurette as I remember. It nicely moves through the female cast getting some nice personality as well as eye candy, and should give a little something for everybody. This is a nicely done behind the scenes featurette that shows some good care.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, titty fucking, rimming (male > female), and lesbian

Raincoat Factor: Medium high

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Hustler’s DVDs can be found online for between about $16 and $25 with stores offering it everywhere in between. Aim low for this one unless you're a fan of some of the stars. The movie's not bad, but I'm not sure it has much replay value unless you're into the stars. The technical aspects show some very nice care and the extras are nicely done thanks to Coach behind the camera in the BTS. This is an above average movie on a DVD that shows some nice care.

Note to Hustler: It's great that you're having fun with all of the porn parodies, but I hope you slow down so you can keep the quality on them up rather than letting them feel pretty average like this one.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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