Texas' Asshole Massacre Review

Kami Andrews opens up the movie with an informercial doing basically a Stone Cold Steve Austin redneck impression by talking in a bad southern accent and making beer swilling motions with her hand. The infomercial is for "Hollywood Official Starlet Agency". She pronounces mocha latte as moco latay. The informercial drags on for a bit where it could've been cut.

Kat, a wanna be director, does a documentary while Alias is driving the car (taxi?). Kat talks about her ambition to the driver and interviews Gia Paloma who's an anal porn queen.. Gia flashes the camera while Alias leers instead of driving. Gia talks about her ambition to be an actress. She looks really cute blonde with a ponytail. I'm surprised Alias hasn't wrecked yet with the amount of times he looks back. Alias turns out to be a member of the "family" as he drives the girls to the agency.

Kris Slater the "Director" & Kat the "Director?":

Kat catches Kris playing the banjo. While Kat is shooting Kris complimenting her camera skills, we see someone in a black shirt on the left slip out. Wonder if that was a fuckup. Well, Kris instructs Kat that in order to be behind the camera she needs to work at it in front of the camera.

At times during the bj we see a "Rec" screen to reflect Kat's camera's point of view. He puts down her camera after a good deep blowjob. Scene is lit by good window lighting. Kat gives up the butt. The camera seems a little shaky at times. Cut to a facial cumshot after Kat gets off.

Isabel Ice the "Chili Whore" and Dirty Harry as "One fucked up Vet":

In a Goldilocks spoof, Isabel eats Dirty Harry's chili cause she's hungry while Harry sneaks up and catches her. How will she ever repay him?

In an expected move, Harry dips his schlong in the chili and forces Isabel to eat it blowjob style. Isabel looks great here. The negative in this scene is that Isabel keeps her top on too long covering her tits. Frantic anal. Atm. Piledriver anal. Cumshot down the hatch. Strange ending as Harry cries after realising Isabel is not Vietnamese.

Salome as "Texas" & Alias the "Driver":

Salome (Kami Andrews) is preparing some chili and is pissed when she finds out somebody had put some implants and a dildo in it. We realise that Alias has been tied up while she goes through her tantrum. Salome gives a great monologue and masturbates while Alias looks at her in confused disbelief.

She looks great here. Alias is freed so he can add some anal sausage to her chili. Looks like there's a bug bite on her right thigh. Atms abound. The fridge is used as a grip for Salome to brace against. Best position was a standing doggy while Salome braces against the table. Weak cumshot into the chili. Salome eats it off with a spoon. Great scene.

Kelly Wells as "One Nosey Bitch" & Sascha the "Camera Man":

While Kelly is noseying around finding out the truth about this Hollywood starlet agency, she knocks a video camera over. Sascha seems more annoyed than pissed. Guess how she makes it up to him.

Great blowjob. Kelly is a beautiful blonde with a swan neck that I totally dug in Teen Fuck Holes. Straight to anal. Atm. Great RCAG where her arms are held back and then later she chokes herself. Big ass gape and some serious throat fucking. Kelly gargles the cumshot and spits it out.

Salome, Gia the "Anal Loser", and Sascha:

Looks like Gia has been kept hostage in the storyline. Salome feeds a frightened Gia to Sascha. Salome's bug bite is now covered by a bandaid.

Salome and Gia take turns riding Sascha's pole. I don't think Gia is frightened anymore at this point. Salome tries to suffocate Gia with her ass and thighs. First girl to give up the butt is Salome. Atm and atogm. Salome also does a piledriver anal (and also reverse) on the bed without anything to brace her back against. That must be bad for the back. Cumshot is shared/swapped by the girls. Very good scene.

Parting Thoughts:

Well if you haven't seen the movie this title is spoofing, the plot is going to be pretty confusing. The best part of the movie is the chase scene at the end of the movie. It makes me wondering who's driving the car! Hot girls. Great sex. Silly spoof plot that's not really supposed to make sense. The crew must have had a great time doing this movie as shown from "Behind the Massacre". Best movie I've seen this year (but it's still early).

If you have any questions or comments, shoot me an email.