Star Virgin (Vinegar Syndrome) Review

Reviewed by fu_q  on  1/29/2019

**Note – This review is based upon the web version of the film streaming on the AdultEmpire.com Unlimited service. As such, any bonuses haven’t been given a rating, and there could be some discrepancies between this version and other releases.**

Review:
Humanity, in its seemingly infinite stupidity, has long since killed itself off, and a race of space-traveling robots and "thinking machines" has taken its place. Of course, there still remains one hope--one chance, if you will--for mankind, as one of the machines named Mentor, who resembles a cross between a trash can and a fifth grade art project gone wrong, brings to life a single, test-tube born member of the race, the outrageously gorgeous Kari Klark. Klark, the "Star Virgin" and stereotypical, horny blonde bimbo to the max, is life's last chance...which means that it's pretty much fucked...or, at a minimum, fucking. Such is the case in this clever, cheesy, and comical little re-mastering of the 1979, Howard Ziehm classic by Vinegar Syndrome. Featuring just the right mix of dirt, grit, satire, and sexy, this flick certainly doesn't take itself too seriously, nor with its minimal special effects, does it attempt to reach new heights (even for its era) in the space-porn genre. Indeed, what it does is parodies the low-end sci-fi of its time, effectively recreating its feel, and throws in some decent fucking...and the super-hot Kari Klark...along the way. Klark, whose questions and ever-increasing sexual proclivities take Mentor on a steamy trot down humanity's raunchy memory lane, never goes beyond self-lovin' in this one, but it doesn't really matter, as she changes from one provocative ensemble to another with the progression of the scenes and caps everything off with a rod-stiffening side-order of girly masturbation. Coming from Vinegar Syndrome, of course, the production values are strong, and everything has been done correctly on the technical side, easily making this quirky, little star chaser of porno fluff recommendable. For the right crowd--vintage sci-fi fans, Golden Age aficionados, and so on--it's definitely worthy of a watch.

In terms of the sex, Scene One is a throwback to the 1950s and offers up a tale of high school sex from the era...all mixed together with a Biblical theme and pulled from Mentor's memory banks. The sequence involves a greaser, Bud Wise, picking up the cute-as-can-be blonde, Tina Louise, from outside of school, and the two going "parking" at a local amusement park called the "Garden of Eden". Of course, there's a trippy, cigar-smoking snake up in the fruit tree that they park next to who encourages them to eat...and play with/in...the fruit. Before long, Tina's been doused with a can of peaches, her top's off, and her panties are pushed to the side. What ensues is a messy, sloppy, oral and vaginal affair in and on Bud's convertible that includes Wise eating a peeled banana out of Louise's cooch and then fucking her in multiple positions until the pair is unceremoniously interrupted.

Scene Two, another of Mentor's "history" lessons--this one relayed in a comical, black-and-white, silent-movie style--finds the gorgeous blonde, Chris Anderson, and her guy running out of gasoline after having just crossed into Transylvania. Of course, an Igor-like character (Tricky Dicky) in a Richard Nixon mask leads them back to his master's, Johnny Hardin's (Dracula's), mansion, and it isn't long before Anderson's man is drugged and unconscious, and she's being chased around the place by both of the bad guys. They ultimately catch up with her, hike up her miniskirt, open up her half-top, tear off her panties, and--after a short struggle--fuck her. Each takes turns impaling her orally and vaginally, with Hardin titty-fucking her and sticking a well-placed finger and thumb in her bum, as well. Johnny pops all over her bush, thigh, and pussy in capping off this crazy encounter.

Scene Three has Mentor furthering Kari Klark's sexual education by recounting the tale of a star quarterback, Mike Ranger, who's brought back from a crippling, on-field injury by two eager cheerleaders, Hillary Summers and Terri Dolan. Indeed, Hillary and Terri take it upon themselves to bring Ranger back to life by sneaking into the locker room and administering some mouth-to-cock and pussy-to-nose resuscitation on the helpless, young player. By the time that he wakes up, Summers is riding his cock, and Dolan's rearing to go. The latter lady ultimately sucks and jerks Mike to a creamy load and then takes a further, doggy-style fucking--with Ranger mustering up yet another blast, this time on Hillary's face--in completing his cum-fueled recovery. (Deflated balls really can win games...)

In Scene Four (another of Mentor's conjurings), the smooth-shaven Tantala puts on a graphic (and impressive) queef-and-snake show for the patrons of a strip club. Ultimately, the guys at the club (about ten of them) are beckoned backstage, told to drop trow, and given various dildos and vibrators...all in a large room with a huge, central bed. Shortly, Brenda Leggs and Zen Kitty make their appearances and, like meat offered up to the starving masses (asses?), are sexually devoured by the gang. The two wind up with toys, tongues, fingers, and penises stuffed up in their bodies, and Brenda even logs a double-penetration (DP) in the all-out orgy that ensues. Only a couple of money-shots take place throughout, but this one still remains raw, gritty, and raunchy until the end.

Scene Five offers up the blonde, super-babe star of the show, and the last remaining human alive, Kari Klark, in all of her oiled-up, space-centerfold glory getting down to business and pleasuring herself upon a large, golden bed aboard Mentor's starship. Featuring steamy close-ups and the use of a makeshift, light-saber-looking toy, this one generates enough heat--and cosmic goo from her cunt (???)--to imperil the entire ship...and possibly rekindle humanity... (Say what? Who cares... Good stuff!)


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