Last Tango (Ultimate) Review

Reviewed by Diville  on  9/20/2000

Starring: Alexandra Silk, Asia Carrera, Mia Ciccero, Ericka Lockett, Peter North, Alex Sanders, Michael J. Cox, John Decker

Directed By: Thomas Paine

Porn translations of mainstream movies are almost always parodies. Why? Because it's downright silly to think you can rip off a good movie, turn it into porn, and still take yourself seriously. That's exactly the case of The Last Tango, however, which is "inspired" by The Last Tango in Paris, the classic Bernardo Bertolucci movie where Marlon Brando famously (and sadly) seduces Maria Schneider into a sexual affair. Ah, but porn is about sex, and not plot, right? So, why does it matter? It matters because it's a wasted effort and if you're a mainstream movie buff, then you end up feeling like a Led Zeppelin fan when Puff Daddy covered Kashmir.

If you count yourself among Alexandra Silk's fans, you not only would have good reason to do so (she has great energy), but you'd also be hard pressed to find a DVD that displays her as much as this one. She appears in every scene, including a solo masturbation segment and an orgy scene where she takes it on the chin (and other facial areas) from Peter North.

The "plot" that holds these scenes together is this: Alexandra is looking for a new house for her and her husband. Based on the advice of a friend, she takes a look at a home owned by Decker who sparks her untapped lust. If you haven't guessed, Alexandra plays the Maria Schneider character while John Decker fills in for Marlon Brando. This is, more or less the conceit of the movie, and it's similarities with it's inspiration pretty much stop there.

I like Alexandra Silk, and I like Asia Carrera-- who appears twice--even more. Yet, I didn't like this DVD. It seems to me as if it were executed with all the skill of The Little Rascals whenever they put on a talent show in Spanky's garage, and with only a fraction of the passion. It suffers from the same problems of other titles like it. It apologizes for being porn. In the opening scene, for example, Alexandra fucks Decker on the floor of his empty home, then spends quite a bit of time in her car crying about how she just cheated on her husband. A few minutes latter when she takes her husband (Michael J. Cox) up the ass in their kitchen, we're given a scene in which he tells her how he fell in love with her at first sight. In other words, the morals here are infidelity can be stressful and ass fucking isn't dirty when you're in love. I know this is couples porn, but when a man encourages Peter North to jerk off on his wife's face, while at the same time extolling the virtures of his loving marriage, I find it to be absurd and not sexy.

Then again, maybe I should just shut the hell up. I should be reviewing the sex, anyway. Sadly, the sex is lacking, too. There's nothing outstanding about the first Silk/Decker encounter, and contrary to popular belief, I don't think a scene is improved simply by slipping a dick into a girl's ass for a few strokes. There's an orgy here, which can be fun, but it's poorly covered. The camera almost misses a Peter North cum shot which is harder to do than missing the New Year's Ball drop while standing in Times Square. I have to admit, though, that I perked the hell up when Asia Carrera appeared on screen, but her lesbian fling with Alexandra is nothing out of the ordinary, and her finale with Decker is as brief a sex scene as I've witnessed. One position, then the pop. I'm not suggesting that I'd last much longer, but I'm not a professional. Premature ejaculation is expected from the perverted likes of people like myself.

The Last Tango can't be recommended on the strength of it's extras, either. There are none. The picture is ok, and the sound never drops, but you can hardly call this a technical marvel. But this DVD does have a little to justify its existence. Alexandra Silk fans will certainly love watching her for the entirety of the movie; I usually feel my money is well spent when the cover girl that captured my attention is the true and genuine star of the show. And Asia Carrera never hurts. In fact, she almost always helps. You can find better performances from each of them, however, in much better movies.