Chloe's Catalina Cum-Ons Review

Reviewed by Diville  on  2/3/2001

Starring: Chloe, Inari Vachs, Justine Romee, Ava Vincent, Keisha, Ruby, Anthony Crane, Ian Daniels, Kyle Stone, Mickey G.

Directed By: Chloe

What do you suppose the "thinking porn aficionado" is actually thinking about? There's a long list of topics he could consider, but that list would be incomplete without the super intense Chloe. I've gone on record as calling her the thinking man's porn star, and I stand behind the claim. Martin Amis (one of my favorite novelists) agrees, as he himself admit in the February 2001 issue of Talk, Chloe is unforgettable. Unfortunately, Chloe's Catalina Cum-Ons, recently released on DVD from Elegant Angel, isn't.

Shot, obviously, in Catalina, Chloe's gonzo directorial effort comes across as a collection of rejected footage from a Shane's World shoot. My guess is that Chloe and company were just looking for a fun way to justify a vacation to Catalina. Shot quickly and haphazardly in a beach side apartment, each scene looks rushed, as if the sex was getting in the way of the vacation awaiting them. Chloe, of course, retains her intensity. First, by delivering a rough and tumble girl/girl assault on Keisha to open the movie, and by testing the limits of a bunk bed's structural integrity with real life friend Artie. The latter scene, though noisy and energetic, is too dark and too brief. I would have enjoyed seeing more of it.

When Chloe isn't on screen, though, the heat takes a nose dive. Inari Vachs has turned me on before, but not here. And the same can be said for Ava Vincent. If it was me partnered with either one of them I might be singing a different tune, but as a viewer, I've seen it all before. Chances are, you've seen it all before, as well.

Ruby, who at once can excite and frighten me like a drunken slut one might bump into at a dance club, does get things heated up fairly well though. Chloe does a great job showing off Ruby's ass during her scene with Ian Daniels, and it's an ass worth showcasing. Ruby, if you don't know her, is pretty animalistic herself, and has the kind of full round curves many guys go for. I don't think I dreamed this, but I seem to recall one time reading that Ruby claims to have a few more internal organs than the rest of us. No shit. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but every time I see her I pay closer attention to see if I can locate where an extra set of kidneys might be hiding, or where she might be storing that second spleen. Daniels, incidentally, does a pretty good job storing his own organ in her neatly shaved trim.

Note: I hate myself for not only writing that last sentence, but also for not deleting it at once.

Technically, Chloe's Catalina Cum-Ons isn't any more impressive than the average sex it displays. The picture is often grainy and the sound is sometimes inconsistent. The extras aren't all that extra either. You get one trailer for Elegant Angels 2 and a photo gallery which is just a collection of screen shots from the feature itself. Interestingly, there's also a behind-the-scenes feature tagged onto the end of the movie. It's actually pretty good; I just wonder why it's not mentioned on the box. It's as if the producers didn't know it was there. There's not even a link to it anywhere. It's just there.

Obviously, Chole has done better work, and will continue to do better work. If you've got another of her movies in your collection, watch it again. If you've got money to burn, bur it by buying a better movie.