Babes in Black Review

Reviewed by Kelly  on  1/21/2006

Title: Babes in Black
Company: Red Light District
Length: 165 minutes
Release Date: December 20, 2005
Condoms: None

Directed by: James Avalon

BOXCOVER SYNOPSIS:
When it comes to tracking down aliens posing as hot male exotic dancers, the Babes In Black are on the job. Their objective: track em` down, fuck em' hard, and when they've been thoroughly de-spermed, fry em' into little hunks of sizzling goo. What a great job for a highly sexual, young woman who just wants to get wickedly fucked and move onto the next victim. And, she's doing her patriotic duty to boot.

THE MOVIE:
Well, no one is going to accuse James Avalon of being very timely with BIB: Babes in Black. His tale of a black-clad ultra-secretive agency devoted to insuring that the Earth is not infiltrated by malicious aliens, in this case ones that pose as male exotic dancers to impregnate human women, comes a bit too late. It’s been almost 9 years since the release of Men in Black (1997) and three years since the release of its sequel. If you want to spoof these films and still seem relevant you’ve got to do it closer to their original release, like Jim Powers did with Women in Black 1 (1997) and Women in Black 2 (2002). However, faced with the task of cranking out a feature a month for Red Light, the one-time all-sex (“gonzo”) monolith of the industry, I too would probably fall back on a tired yet tried-and-true convention (the film spoof) eventually. So, this fault is easily forgivable. Unfortunately, it is not as easy to look past the rather pedestrian bad script and sub-par acting.

Well, not every feature can be a masterpiece of camp. What do I care? The storyline is at least serviceable, and I ultimately rented/bought this thing because it marked the return of Asian bombshell Syren to the hardcore industry after a two year flirtation with softcore stardom. And man does she look hot here! As you can see from the front cover, she’s added a little bit of weight in her two years off and as result her breasts are now D-cup beauties. These puppies are on proud display throughout the film, with nary an appearance from Syren where she’s not wearing some sort of lingerie that accentuates her cleavage. However, Syren is not the star. Actually, Avalon gave that role to a relatively unknown in Veronica Stone, who is on the cover behind Syren. Stone is a dynamite sexual performer, but on the looks end she reminds me of a thinner, pre-nose job Jennifer Aniston. Unfortunately, she doesn’t wear her glasses during any of the sex scene, which is a shame because she looks substantially better with the glasses on. Also, as morbidthoughts observed in his review of this film, HD is not Veronica Stone’s friend. Any facial imperfection is magnified here.

So, Syren and Veronica are in the Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith roles respectively. Syren asks Stone to join the BIB after saving her from an alien posing as John Strong. After sleeping on it, and dreaming about Jasmine Byrne getting DP’ed by two guys wearing alien masks, Stone signs up and observes as BIB Monica Breeze teaches fellow new recruit Kamela the proper way to seduce and fuck one of these aliens. Veronica’s first solo mission is a failure, and to get the bad guy(s) in the end they have to have an orgy, Avalon’s sexual crutch since signing with RLD. That’s it in a nutshell. Veronica is in three scenes, and Syren is in two (though she only does a blowjob in the first one). RLD contract girl Brianna Love shows up in the orgy to take some hot anal from Sean Micheals. The sex is pretty hot throughout. James Avalon’s getting a better mix of storyline and RLD-style sex with every new feature.

THE SEX:
Scene 1: Veronica Stone and Syren w/John Strong (29 minutes)
Veronica gets it in missionary, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl. Syren enters three fourths of the way in, interrupting the lovers and giving John a sexy, teasing blowjob designed to keep him from coming. Eventually, she lets him get back to fucking Veronica, and after some thrusting he pulls out and shoots a really big load on Syren’s awesome natural breasts. Some even gets on her face. She then shoots John with a raygun of some sort, and with clever editing and use of a smoke machine the meat puppet seamlessly turns into a pile of multi-colored goo. Our story has now begun.

Scene 2: Jasmine Byrne w/John Strong and Marcus London (23 minutes)
Jasmine gets it in cowgirl and doggy, spoon, reverse cowgirl, and missionary-anal, and finally DP. The guys drop two big loads in her mouth, and she swallows. This is a dream sequence, and Veronica is present, off to the side and masturbating throughout. The guys wear alien masks, and the room has dark lighting.

Scene 3: Kamela and Monica Breeze w/Rusty Nails (28 minutes)
I have never seen either of these girls. They are both hot brunettes, Monica somewhat bustier than Kamela. At the beginning of the scene, Monica is wearing a black sports jacket and miniskirt to Kamela’s skimpier black lingerie. This is because Monica is the instructor teaching Kamela. For instance, when Rusty nails Monica doggy she looks up to Kamela and says, “Doggy style, hmm. Yeah. This is a position you should definitely learn.” The student is kinkier than the teacher though. She takes anal in reverse cowgirl and spoon. Rusty gives them a side-by-side open mouth facial.

Scene 4: Veronica Stone w/Tommy Gunn (19 minutes)
Veronica seduces and fucks Tommy in doggy, missionary, reverse cowgirl, and spoon before taking his load in her mouth. She’s a screamer. At the end, she tries to reduce him to a pile of goo only to discover that he is human. The aliens are outwitting the BIB, so they have to corner the remaining male strippers and fuck them all to solve the problem .

Scene 5: Ashley Gracie, Brianna Love, Syren, and Veronica Stone w/Anthony Hardwood, Kris Slater, and Sean Michaels (34 minutes)
At the beginning, Ashley, Brianna, and three other women (one a little older, one black) are having fun as the strippers dance for them. When Syren and Veronica show up and the orgy starts up, the three extras (members of the crew perhaps, make-up artists?) get the hell out of Dodge and spend the rest of the orgy watching from the sidelines. The action is, for a change with James Avalon orgies, not particularly difficult to follow. Brianna (what a great bubble butt!) is paired up with Sean Michaels, Ashley and Veronica take Anthony, and Syren gets it on with Kris. The only partner swapping comes when Ashley briefly gets fucked by Kris. Otherwise, they stick with these pairings the whole time. Brianna and Sean really tear it up, especially when he slowly fucks her ass in a couple of positions. Syren and Kris are also pretty hot, especially in any position that sees her breasts bouncing. She has a sexy moan. Ashley and Veronica aren’t bad, but I’m far more attracted to the other two women so that’s where my attention went. In the end, Sean cums in Brianna’s mouth and she swaps it with Ashley. Veronica then swaps Anthony’s load with Ashley. When they try to repeat it with Syren and Ashley, Kris can’t comply, instead shooting a big load over both of their faces (mostly on Ashley’s face). This was all pretty hot, but I wanted to see much more of Syren. In fact, that kind of sums up the whole movie for me..

SPECIAL FEATURES:
Slide Shows (Glamour, Hardcore, Scene Specific)
Behind the Scenes (40 minutes)-Chronologically ordered, this is a pretty entertaining and sometimes hot BTS. Why? On both accounts, it’s because of Syren. It’s just fun and hot watching her goof around on-set, such as when she pulls out Avalon’s (the cameraman) cock as a joke but is then embarrassed and at a loss for what to do when she makes him hard. “Oh, my God! I’m stroking my director’s cock. He’s my director. I respect him so much, and I’m stroking his dick.” Then she plays it off as if it were the casting couch, “I thought I all ready had the part.” Its even better when she tries to compliment him on having a good-sized dick without further embarassing herself. Later on, Avalon gets plenty of close-ups of her breasts, forcing her to pull the camera back up to her face during an interview at one point, “Those don’t talk.”

FINAL THOUGHT:
When Syren’s profile showed up on one of the adult modeling agencies’ websites, I immediately started a thread about it in the ADT forum. I titled the thread, “Look Who’s Back: Syren”. Of course, everyone thought I meant Syren Smiles, a short-lived gonzo starlet from 2000. The Syren I was talking about has starred in 67 films since 1997, including two notable roles in AVN awards-darlings Les Vampyres 1 and 2 (both 2000), yet not many people remembered her. Well, she’s always had a hot body and gorgeous face, but she wasn’t always a dynamite performer. It’s hard to tell if that’s changed from BIB since she is overshadowed by Brianna Love in the orgy and barely there in the first scene. But damn is she looking good. Here’s hoping that Avalon casts her again for an RLD feature, this time giving her more to do sexually. And if he happens to read this, do you have to go with so many multiples in your features? It still just feels like you're slightly overcompensating to appease the brand-loyalilsts who'll buy or rent anything with the RLD logo on it. Not that every scene should be a one-on-one, but does every one of your films have to have an orgy?

About the Author:
I am an undergrad in college writing reviews of porn DVDs from time to time, hopefully giving you enough (sometimes overly serious) information to aid in porn shopping decisions. My favorite porn stars of all time are Avy Scott, Christy Canyon, and Taylor St. Claire. Among the active girls, I enjoy Naomi, Sunny Lane, Sara Stone, Harmony Rose, and Riley Mason. I also appreciate some of the stars of yesterday, particularly Taija Rae, Joanna Storm, Jacqueline Lorians, April West, PJ Sparx, Victoria Paris, Nikki Dial, and Zora Banks. As such, you could say I’m a brunette man, ass-man, and breast-man (implants almost always turn me off though). I avoid Max Hardcore, Ed Powers, Evasive Angles, JM Productions, and compilations like the plague. I keep track of new releases from Platinum X and Evil Angel as well as new-to-DVD classics from VCA and Caballero. When it comes to directors, I enjoy the vintage films from Henri Pachard, Paul Thomas, John Leslie, and John Stagliano whereas I currently enjoy the work being done by Chris Streams and Dirty Sanchez (Bangbros). My favorite porn films of all time include Sex Life of a Porn Star (1986), The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women 1 (2000), and The Fashionistas (2003).