Afternoon Tease (VCX) Review

Reviewed by T0MBOne  on  5/17/2010

Written, photographed and directed by Charleton (Charlston?) Roberts, AFTERNOON TEASE (1976, Video Blue Productions, VCX standard frame re-release, 2010) is just that---a big tease.

AFTERNOON TEASE will stimulate that craving for simulated sex with a bounty of naked bods dry-humping each other around a sun-lit swimming pool for about two thirds of this 65 minute feature. In other words, naked bodies go through the motions of sucking and fucking without really doing much of anything of the XXX variety. Maybe a tit sucked here, a pussy rubbed there, heads buried in crotches everywhere. And that's the rub; AFTERNOON TEASE rubs me the wrong way.

My guess is that this dud would receive an NC 17 if it were released today due to excessive nudity with shots of male genitalia, mostly of the limp kind. AFTERNOON TEASE apparently made the rounds on cable as the closing title card "Copyright 1982 VC III Cablevision" suggests.

Some films with simulated sex are actually pretty good (the NC 17 rated HENRY AND JUNE comes to mind) but AFTERNOON TEASE toys with a typical XXX comedy plot device, the ol' "corrupt the the snooty and uptight rich folks" bit, which happens rather quickly, thus, leaving the butler, Jeeves, (Pete Dawson) the grounds keeper, Peter Parker, (Ron Darby) and a guest, Lord Farthingay (Ken Wade) to simulate-suck and simulate-fuck the trio of ladies from the Ima Hooker Agency as well as Mrs. Van Updyke, (Casey Lorrain) the owner of the manor, who speaks with a wretched British accent.

I liked a few things in this flick. The "entertainment" arrives in the form of three muses (one being Sandy Dempsey playing Gertie) that head out back, spin a 45 on their phonograph, strip off their clothes then dance and strut around the grounds. Later, after humping one of the muses, an angry Jeeves doggy-humps Mrs. Van Updyke with some creepy-funny accompanying dialog but that doesn't last long. Pretty soon, the usual lesbian and orgy scenes, typical of XXX features of the time, creep in here but without any XXX footage. Most of the time, I found myself wondering who would hump who next on this chintzy folding piece of lawn furniture.

Okay, I've wasted enough of my time with AFTERNOON TEASE (1976) and if you've read this far into my review then you're wasting your time. Final rating is ! outa !!!!!

Extras include the usual VCX bonus scenes, vintage trailers and legendary tribute.