Hopeless Romantic is simply just hopeless. Despite the presence of a couple of porn stars of the past (Nikki Dial and Lacy Rose), the inane script and poor camerawork make this one tough to watch. The storyline is a joke, so forget it and FF to the action, what little there is. Nikki is on a couch with Steve Hatcher (playing a dumb redneck) on their first date. The action is slow and tedious, but Steve somehow gets excited enough to eventually shoot on her belly. Two performers Ive never heard of, Kaelyn Roberts and Lyndon Ryder, are next. This boring scene entails him eating her pussy, her blowing him, them screwing in CG, and him cumming on her butt. Pass the warm milk please! The standard lesbian scene is next, with Lacy Rose and Mickala doing the pussy licking and dildo inserting. Another yawner! Mickala tries for some better sex from Randy Spears, but, again, the action is uninspired and the participants looked bored (like you and I). He finishes off on her tummy. Lacy is back, and shes somehow hooked up with Hatcher (from the first scene).

* DIRECTOR: Scotty Fox. * DURATION: »85mins. * STARRING: Kaelin Roberts, Lacy Rose, Mikala & Nikki Dial. Hopeless Romantic got it half-right. This 1992 couples flick from Legend Video was mastered for DVD by New Machine, which is where the problems begin. For one thing, I couldnt figure out if the DVD was double-sided neither side had printing and the flip side didnt register on my player. New Machines horrible digital intro is sub-VHS quality and regardless of the covers claims, dont expect any extras. (On the plus side, the DVD did have a menu screen and a time code, which was more than I expected.) I dont think anyone really intended Hopeless Romantic to be taken seriously as a romance. In hackneyed couples film fashion, Nikki Dial plays a sexually-unfulfilled writer who lives vicariously through her novels characters. Tedious and unoriginal on that front, and the chronically-fatigued script was poorly acted. The sex was dreary and uninspiring, and aesthetically, I could have done without Hatcher, Ryder, Roberts and Mikala.