Wicked Web, The Review

Reviewed by Diville  on  7/15/2001

Starring: Lisa Ann, Tabitha Stevens, Kitty Monroe, Goldie Star, Lovette, Tom Byron, John Decker, Vince Voyeur, Nick East

Directed By: F.J. Lincoln

Tan lines on asses and semen on faces. Soft fleshy boobies and sex in strange places. Powerful orgasms Lisa Ann brings. These are a few of my favorite things....

Oh, trust me, in the name of Lisa Ann I could go on to bastardize many more standard show tunes. But, I won't. After all, what's the fun in singing about porn when you could be watching it? Of course, I'm neither singing nor watching at the moment. I'm writing...and poorly. Lisa Ann, though no longer in front of the cameras, made enough movies that her fans can content themselves with watching her catalogue slowly make its way to the DVD format. The Wicked Web, from Wicked Pictures, is one such title that's recently been digitized and applied to a shiny plastic disc. It may not be her best movie, but it's not her worst. What's more important, she looks damn good in it.

Our heroine plays the sexually adventurous husband of Tom Byron. Together they test the waters of the Internet fantasy world where people and couples can seek out others like themselves, and dare to fantasize things they may not have otherwise explored. Unless something remarkable happens and this review someday finds itself in print (I'm seeing an anthology, Selected Ramblings on Porn by Diville) you're reading this on the Internet right now. And as someone savvy enough to find this site, you will immediately recognize the flaws in computer logic this movie makes. Why bother to poke holes in the plot, however, when there's so much on display already being poked for your enjoyment?

Tom Byron, leaving the sexually ripe Lisa Ann in bed, goes to the kitchen for a late night snack. He never actually gets anything to eat, but a lot gets eaten. Especially Tabitha Stevens who is waiting anxiously for him to appear. Their sex is what you'd expect from two excitable porn stars. It's easy to complain about her boob job, but her legs and ass have got it going on, and that's plenty for the leg men in the audience. Eventually, Byron empties himself on her visage, and the scene is over.

We learn later than Tabitha is married to John Decker, and that John Decker is having an affair with Kitty Monroe. Being the slut that she is, Tabitha encourages it, and we start to learn that the morals of this movie's married couples may be a little more relaxed than those of the couples we see in our own neighborhoods. The rest of the movie is a continuation of like scenes. Characters, basically, test the boundaries of what they will do in the name of sexual gratification.

All of this culminates in the best scene in the movie, which has Lisa Ann dressed in what may be the least effective raincoat ever made. It's a short little see-thru type thing that looks more like a tailored fruit roll-up than an actual article of clothing. She doesn't wear it for long, however, and is soon stripped naked by Vince Voyeur and Nick East who fuck her from both ends atop a pool table. Yes, most porn stars are sexy. That's how they got the job, but some are sexier than others. And though it may prejudice you against this review, let me be honest and admit that Lisa Ann's ass is my Disneyland. The fact I've never visited either is inconsequential. One is the happiest place on Earth, and the other is a theme park in Anaheim.

The sight of her taking Voyeur's sizable load on her face is enough to test one's faith in God. How could she, after all, be willing to do such nasty things, but only with somebody other than me...or you. At least we can watch. I wish this finale wasn't her only heterosexual action in the movie. She does have a lesbian encounter with Goldie Star in a bathtub, and even though there's nothing wrong with that, it would have been better to see some actual fucking going on. She also climbs in bed with Tom Byron and Lovette, but their scene together stops just short of being a genuine three-way. After all, a three- way would require everyone to participate and Lisa Ann resigns herself to the role of cheerleader only.

The bottom line here is Lisa Ann and how much you like her. I like her as well as a crack addict likes crack. Others, as hard as it may be for me to understand, may not. Those are people who should steer clear of The Wicked Web. Unlike many of Wicked's other DVDs this one's slightly short on good extras. There are some photo galleries, bios, and the usual assortment of links, trailers and promotions. Otherwise it's produced with Wicked's usual technical professionalism. As a movie, it's unremarkable. As a showcase for its star, it's pretty good. She really is sexy with that dark skin and those round curves, which I might add, are two more of my favorite things.