We Suck!: Tag-Team Suck-Off Review

Reviewed by Long Noel  on  10/26/2008

WE SUCK (2008)
Themes: Blowjobs/Oral, Group Sex, Ass Obsession, Sexual Slavery, Lesbian/All Girl, Interracial
Starring: Annette Schwarz, Angela Stone, Jada Fire, Sandra Romain, Sasha Grey, Jandi Lin, Keanni Lei, Trinity Post, Aiden Starr, Cody Lane, Coutnry James, Tori Black, Eva Angelina, Velicity Von, Beverly Hills, Monroe Valentino, Amber Rayne, Addison Lee, Britney Angel, Nika Noire, Kristina Rose, Roxy DeVille Kimberly Kane, Jennifer Dark, Shawnna Lenee, etc.
Produced & Directed by: Jake Malone

Note:
First, let me start by saying that I hate blowjob-only skin flicks. They do nothing at all for me. They’re all bullshit! I never cared for quickies in my personal sex life, nor when it comes to watching quality skin flicks. Throughout my porn-viewing experience, I’ve only seen one and that was Joey Silvera’s “Black Cock Addiction”. That, however, wasn’t focused on oral sex and POV-cameraworks only (like series such as “Down the Hatch”). Yes, there was only oral sex, but there were views of the entire female body. I saw the trailer for Jake Malone’s “We Suck” and I was like “My God!” Not only were there blowjobs, but there’s some hot lesbian/all-girl sex, beautiful body shots of the ladies, ass obsession, etc… Jake Malone knows what he’s doing!

SCENE INDEX:
There are 12 “quickies” here altogether. Every scene is dedicated to blowjobs, ass obsession, facesitting, beautiful body shots, some raunchy lesbian/all-girl fucking and themes of domination, including trash talk and verbal humiliation. Also included is tit-fucking and some tastefully distasteful buttcheek-fucking and vile cum swapping.

Scene 1: Amber Rayne, Kimberly Kane & Shawnna
While Amber Rayne plays a domme, she orders her two “bitches” to crawl in a living room, where her and Jake are talking. There’s some lesbian sex, ass obsession plus some sloppy blowjobs from all three ladies, sucking Jake’s cock. While the blowjobs are sound and nasty, so is the ass eating, when a sub-girl orders her domme to “bend over!” There’s also some freaky tit-fucking! Each girl gets to suck some dick individually and all three try it at the same time. Towards the end, Jake places his dick in between the buttcheeks of one girl, fucking her butt crack, while another girl tries to catch the tip of it in her mouth as he’s stroking it. In addition, there’s some male ass-eating. All three girls work it individually, trying to be the lucky one to catch his unborn babies in their mouths. Severe cum-swapping occurs (ugh) and one girl spits it out on another girl’s butt hole only to slurp it back up! Three-way kissing!

Scene 2: Sasha Grey & Jennifer Dark
Shot in slow-motion, both ladies strip down to their birthday clothes, crawling towards a black man, who has a big dick attached to his pelvic area. On a nearby television, we see a skin flick playing, where Saeha Grey is blowing on several different guys. Both females take turns, eating each other’s booties and kiss each other between BJ sessions.

Scene 3: Jandi Lin & Roxy DeVille
It’s the third time I’ve seen Jandi Lin and I can tell she’s gonna have a great future and become a wonderful asset in the industry! Both ladies get interviewed by Jake, turn over and show some booty for Jake and the camera. Jandi puts her tongue in Roxy’s butt hole, burying her face in the ass while everyone discusses anal sex. Switch. Roxy does the same for Jandi. Jake talks about how much he’d like to lick a woman’s ass right after she’s had a sweaty workout at the gym (Whooooooo)! Jandi moves her body nastily while Roxy’s eating her booty. There’s a large bit of delicate body shots of the ladies with the camera above and underneath. They freak each other out until they crawl toward a guy, sucking him off. More female butt-eating. A TV nearby shows a gangbang-blowjob porno. Freaky facesitting for both ladies. Jandi sits on Roxy’s back while she blows the guy. Guy comes.

Scene 4: Beverly Hills & Monroe Valentino
Monroe is a pale-skinned white girl and Beverly is olive-skinned. Ladies are interviewed, showing some buttocks, Monroe wears a small, punkish leather jacket. Both ladies suck cock, eat each other butts and Jake comes on their faces. This scene was acceptable. Both ladies were beautiful but nothing to remarkable happened here, except for their beauty and their showcases buttocks.

Scene 5: Sindee, Aiden Starr & Trinity Post
This scene happens to be a continuation of the finale in the legendary “Bitchcraft 2”. The three ladies wear the same gear they wore before. Trinity does a booty-clap. The three ladies freak each other out, they all bend over next to each other, Jake stuffs his face in their asses, smelling their butt holes. They all suck his dick. More butt smelling. Trinity bends over a couch, oil rubbed on her ass, Jake rams his dick between her buttcheeks, while the other two ladies jack him off, holding his dick while talking shit. The ladies beg for his cum. More butt-eating for the ladies and even Jake. Trinity keeps shaking her ass, getting it slapped silly by Sindee. All three ladies stand around him, his camera looking upward toward their camel toes and buttocks. They continue to blow him, more booty obsession with Trinity. He comes. The ladies eat his cum and kiss each other. Of all 12 scenes, this one was the longest.

Scene 6: Kristina & Keanni Lei
Both ladies are hot. Keanni Lei starred in “Mami Culo Grane 5”. Looks as if she had gained a tiny bit of weight, but she‘s still bangin’. Both ladies face a wall, dropping their pants and showing some buttocks. Can we say severe ass obsession?! Also, there’s massive views of coochie lips. They put on some red Jake Malone hats, swearing different panties. More severe ass obsession. Both ladies are bent over, on all fours with their panties down halfway, Jake examines the butts. They crawl slowly to a mirror, making out with themselves. More ass obsession and butt jiggling. Both females blow him. Both trying to take his head. Facesitting for Keanni. I loved this scene so, so much.

Scene 7: Nika & Britney
Both women are crazily beautiful. Britney is pale and Mika is olive-skinned. Both women crawl over to a virile black male, sucking his dick. They don’t strip until later. No ass obsession here. Both women were beautiful, so it’s another very acceptable scene!

Scene 8: Velicity Von & Addison
Both women are nice-looking. I was never a fan of Velicity Von. She’s like an American version of Sophie Dee. They both get interviewed by Jake, they suck a BBC and the dude comes in their mouths. They swallow. You can take it or leave it.

Scene 9: Sandra Romain & Eva Angelina
Eva is having a party with Sandra Romain’s booty and coochie, as she’s bent over on a couch. She sucks on Jake’s dick in between her eating Sandra out. Switch. Eva eats Sandra’s butt while she’s sucking on Jake. Sandra looks so damn good on her knees, sporting some elegant knee-highs and high-heels, sucking Jake. Eva joins the action. Tit-fucking. Eva sucks Sandra’s titties. Heavy humming during the blowjobs. The women tongue kiss and rub each others booties together. Now, this is the sensuality that I love! I just love to see two women rub their butts against one another! More tit-fucking. Cum-swap. This was a brilliant scene that wasn’t nasty like the rest of the scenes, but instead, noisy!

Scene 10: Tori & Nikki
Both ladies are cute. They drop their pants before sucking a BBC. Not much tease here. The ladies lay upside down on a couch and the brother throat-fucks them. That was the highest point of this scene, aside from seeing their beauty. He comes in their mouths. Severely nasty cum swapping. So far, the weakest scene here.

Scene 11: Cody Lane & Courtney
Cody Lane is bad as hell! Coutney is cute. They both talk with Jake before they strip, showing some butt. Again, Cody has a fetish for smelling some dirty butt. They both drop their drawers, talking about smelling dirty booty, the movies in his back catalog, spreading some buttcheeks and demonstrating how they suck dick. They both blow Jake for a while. They stop for more ass obsession. Jake comes in their mouths.

Scene 12: Annette Schwarz, Angela Stone & Jada Fire
All three ladies are locked in a prison cell. Jake plays as the warden’s nephew, looking for a blowjob. Angela is on a toilet, while Annette is on a bed, Jada talking shit. The ladies approach him as he’s standing outside of the cell. They suck his dick. He soon steps inside. He slaps their faces. All three of them. He talks big shit and so do they. The trash talk is severe in here. I’ve never been into Jada Fire, but after seeing her here, I dig her. I’ve always been into Annette & Angela! He gets all of them to face the prison wall, with their hands up against it. Great ass obsession here! Ass eating for Jake. The two white girls get behind Jada, eating Jada’s black ass like crazy while Jada sucks Jake’s dick. He comes in their mouths and leaves the prison.

NEGATIVES:
The POV is usually shot from upward, with the camera looking down on the ladies. I don’t have a problem with that at all. But what about catching the action from underneath the guy’s torso?! Also, while the men get their dicks sucked, we never get to see what these men look like. I won’t consider it degrading, but it’s not really a good thing, either. Let me make a special note: For those who think that pornography objectifies women, this is a prime example of a skin flick that objectifies men by their dicks (whether or not they are hung). If all you care about is the dick and don’t wanna see the guys’ face, this is for you. I am reminded of reading a forum at ADT about Vanessa Blue’s idiotic statements about female-domination porn. I’ve said that if you want to see a real female-domination porno, then rent a blowjob only flick. And I meant it! And this is the perfect one, without seeing men being emasculated and that kinda shit… During the end credits, a girl wanted Jake to watch her piss and I couldn't stomach the sound of her annyoing voice when she says "Watch me pee!"

DVD QUALITY:
A/V quality is great. Unlike most Jake Malone DVDs, there’s a cumshot recap. Photo gallery, cast list and 9 Jake Malone trailers. No extra footage.

BOTTOM LINE:
I really liked this flick and I’m considering owning it (depending on whether or not one of the “Own My Ass” flicks are brilliant enough for my loving). This is the best blowjob-only themed porno I’ve ever seen. In my opinion, there’s nothing too fancy about a blowjob, unless we’re talking about Belladonna (and she can blow some mad horn). If the woman doesn’t know how to do it right, that’s another thing. Either way, it gets boring after awhile. But this is the perfect fellatio-themed porno. Thankfully, there is more brought to the table than dick-sucking. There’s some girl-on-girl play, some supreme and severe ass obsession, nasty butt-eating sequences, butt-smelling fetishes, tit-fucking and some nasty scenes where men jack off using a woman’s buttcheeks. Plus, all of the women are “drop dead gorgeous”. All of this is enough for me to love a flick like this, where no real intercourse is taking place. Jake’s POV action is probably the greatest in the history of pornography. Amid Jake’s POV camera style, he doesn’t just focus on the ladies sucking the dick. He focuses on the ladies’ squatted or bent-over buttocks, legs and feet also. I am also very glad that we didn’t see a bunch of splattered nut on the women’s faces. I’m so happy it didn’t end up being a degrading flick like “Cum Faced Fuck Dolls”. There is nothing humiliating happening here, even if it were to be by the ladies’ own admission or initiation. It’s all just a raunchy, nasty eat-lick-and-suck fest with heavy ass obsession and it works. Overall, I loved it. For those of you who assume this will be boring, it’s not. It’s so much better than some of these pathetic, senseless tease-only skin flicks out today, like “Smother Me” and the “Asses of Face Destruction” series. Jake Malone knows what he’s doing!

RATING: 95.3% (162 points out of 170) - Own it!