TS... I Love You (Odyssey) Review

Reviewed by Torris  on  6/26/2000

T.S I Love You (Odyssey)
87 minutes
date of production: September 1998
Directed by Lilienne Li

DVD Clarity: Excellent

DVD Extras:
*Gay phone sex ads *Slide Slow *Scene Selection *Star Bios; (which displayed all cast members but only showed info on Lilienne Li and Tina Tyler) *Previews *Multiple Angles?: No

"Girls": Lilienne Li, Lisa Lawrence, Tina Tyler, Silvia Boots, Olivia Love, Syren
Parolees: Mark Spritz, Paul Carrigan, Rogue, Drew Andrews, Butch Bond

The whole premise of this disk emulates a morning talk show feel regarding the allure of transsexuals with Lilienne making a pretty intelligent interviewer even though the PC empowerment shtick was a little corny. "She" is a Latin-Asian mix and is quite striking in "her" pretty looks and femininity. Clothed in "her" segue interludes between scenes, there is nothing to make you think that this is a guy trying to pass himself off as a woman. No doubt, "she" is as pretty as any Asian female in fuck flicks today and has a poise and style that is self confident and impressive by porn standards.

Scene 1:

Starts out with a guy named Michael who found a tranny porn mag when he was a kid and has been curious ever since. Lisa Lawrence comes over to borrow some sugar. Lisa is a tall, light skin black who is mostly convincing as a woman, despite "her" height ("she" towers over this guy). Voice affectation is 3/4 convincing but "her" muscular arms give "her" away. Still, "she" is one of the best of the American he-shes out there.

"She" looks pretty good in a flowered micro mini-dress showing off slim legs that Tori Welles would kill for today. They wind up in bed where Lawrence displays "her" excellent cock sucking prowess. "She" has an obvious boob job, like most of these "gals", but "her" body is very tight and "her" titjob looks no worse then legit girls' like Alex Dane. "Her" uncircumcised cock functions (bigger and harder than the parolee), and has a left hook in it a la Jake. They 69 for a while until he begins fucking "her" (condom on of course) in spoon position, showing insertion. They never change position and the parolee jacks off on "her" belly. They kiss, but no post cum knob polishing. Quick and rushed feel to this scene. "She" doesn't get off. A disappointment because, despite the passiveness of she males made necessary due to their compromised hormone situation, in this instance it shouldn't have been a detriment to a "woman" who can still get a good hard on. They should have let "her" put it to work.

Scene 2:

A sort of awkward setup where the parolee, named Paul, asks Tina Tyler if she's a TS. Under the guise that any beautiful woman in LA is just as likely to be a he-she as a genetic female? Not likely. Tina looks great here: translucent white skin, natural looking in a sun dress and with her hair down instead of her usual severe hair pulled back look. They make out on the bed. Her body looks very inviting. Not skinny, slightly fleshy but not doughy either; not your usual dancer coke-whore porn robofox. He eats her pussy, then she blows him while on her knees. Her tits look good hanging down. They fuck reverse cowgirl, with condom on, but she wears her dress the whole time bunched around her belly. I thought this was a needless self conscious act. Her tits have a nice natural bounce in this coupling which goes to prove how unsexy silicone is. After an interlude of missionary, she is back on her knees jerking him off onto her mouth and tongue. After a couple of good spurts glazing her chin, she is content to suck off the excess. Fairly good scene but filler in a tranny disk.

Scene 3:

TS with a high forehead and husky voice, (Sylvia Boots?) Latina with rockhard cantaloupes and 30 gauge lip implants. Narrow waist and bubble butt leaven out the Y chromosome poisoning. "She" sucks the Fred Durst lookalike and he returns same. "Her" cock is a little rubbery. Cut to him banging away in "her" ass (no insertion) doggy style on the couch. After switching to missionary, this babyfaced skate rat blows a load on "her" belly. No after shots at all and like in Scene 1, "she" doesn't shoot any loads. Disappointing scene but wasn't going to be much anyway because "she" was obviously too mannish to be sexually inviting. This is the truly grimy type tranny scene that haunts the American he she variant and keeps curious hetero raincoaters at bay.

Scene 4:

Ben Affleck look a like returns as a urologist. He's chatting up Lilienne about a patient who turns out to be the statuesque blond, Olivia Love. Courtney Love lookalike, not a compliment, who it appears is deaf. I've never liked "her" plasticene femininity but in this segment "she" looks very attractive in a black cocktail dress. "She"'s several inches taller then Ben. They make out in the living room, followed by taking turns sucking each other's units. Olivia is well hung. He buggers "her", no insertion shown, and you can see "her" erection from behind. "She" flips him around and stuffs "her" prick into him. His cock is obviously smaller then "hers". They commence to circle jerk and "she" gets off a few dollops. Weak ending to a fairly good setup.

Scene 5:

A het couple accost Lilienne and inquire about "her" ethnic background, (half Mexican, half Chinese). After "she" fesses up about "her" egg roll/burrito, they head back to Lilienne's place. The genetic woman, Syren, is in between "her" and the parolee. She's a marginally attractive Latin or Asian mix. Lilienne doesn't mind eating pussy and manages enough of a hardon to fuck the girl (garish condom). He slips into Lil's ass while "she" bangs away in his girlfriend's twat. But before this segment can build any heat, it cuts away to him blowing an impressive load over both of them, which the inept camera work misses almost entirely. The intermingling between all three could have been much better if the editing had allowed for some level of heat to develop. Instead, it's wham bam thank you ma'am/Sam and is over just as it's getting started. Another slapdash scene that blows its potential.

Summary:

T.S. I Love You disappoints more than it should have. I felt that Lilienne was a tad patronizing in "her" talking down to the "inexperienced" viewer about how trannys could be as beautiful as genetically enabled women. Anyone who rents this type of DVD isn't stumbling in the dark. Li, Lawrence and Love all look fetching on the box cover. I did appreciate that this DVD wasn't geared specifically to a homo audience. I finally saw Lilienne fucking someone, instead of "her" typical passive role. But the scenes had a rushed, detached and sterile quality to them. The fucking sequences were strictly pay for play. Except in the Affleck/Love scene, there was next to no post-cum canoodling; like the tranny was just a hole to be plundered. The cum shots were strictly on the belly, which further depersonalized their sexual contact. And most importantly, whoever edited this film had the patience of an eight year old on Christmas Eve. Clocking in at less than 80 minutes, some of the couplings and positions lasted for only 90 or so seconds. Hardly enough time to linger and become fixated on the spectacle of either male fucking/sucking she-male. All in all, an unsatisfactory release that didn't light any memorable sparks.