Toegasms Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  10/17/2004

I freely admit to having a fetish. Feet turn me on. I’ve been turned off good-looking guys because they had ugly feet. I’ve also been turned onto very homely guys because they had beautiful feet. So a film entitled “TOEGASMS” seemed right up my blind alley. It’s a great concept: a video devoted to foot-lovers. Unfortunately it is very poorly executed.

The DVD contains three scenes and there are three performers. Each are placed with their feet propped up toward the camera as they beat off. So we spend most of the time staring at the soles of their feet. Now being neither a cobbler nor a fishmonger I am not into soles (or souls either for that matter.) It’s the top of the foot and the toes that turn shrimpers on. Of course during each scene the camera awkwardly lurches and jerks to move around to give us a glimpse of the foot proper, but is only a glimpse before going right back into the same static position.

Hank is the first wanker. He’s young and cute and has a friendly personality. “I’m gonna spank it for ya,” he says into the camera. Feet propped up before the camera he removes his sox, picks the lint from his toes, and cleans out the toe jam. He removes his shirt. He seems to be watching something off to his left. Probably a video. Maybe it’s a dog as one barks during the scene. (Phones ring, dogs bark. That’s what you get when you set up a camcorder in your living room.) The non-action drags on. Finally he unbuckles his pants and drags his cock from the leg of his boxers. Hank starts to wank. He lowers the pants and the boxers to his ankles where they will remain for the duration of the scene. We need a close-up of his dick. The camera needs to do more than just sit there. It needs to move! It does eventually totter around like it’s being held by someone with palsy to show us a glimpse of the top of his feet. Hank pounds his pud furiously and cums. Of course with the camera positioned at his feet the effect of cum landing on his belly is lost. We can only see the aftermath should the cameraman decide to show it.

There is no interview with the next guy: Mikko, a surly looking skinny lad with short spiky hair. He probably disdained to do so. He too goes through the feet-cleaning routine. When we do finally get to see a bit of his feet from the side they are not very attractive. There was a red sofa in the first scene. This one’s green. Again the scene is static, emphasizing its slowness. Once again the effect of his ejaculation is obscured.

Here I am, a foot fanatic watching a foot film and I’m bored!

My interest does pick up because of the next performer, a knowledgeable little seducer named Dustin. He tells us he is 19 and wears a size 11 shoe. Unlike the others, Dustin’s shirt comes off first. Slowly pulling the strings in his sneakers and removing them, this kid is a real tease. He flexes his toes in his sox, wiggling them at us. Ever so slowly he removes first one sock and then the other. For the first time in watching this film I am starting to tingle you-know-where. This kid knows he’s cute and he flaunts it seductively. He could make a lover jump through hoops. And he would, too. As the others have done he reaches into his trousers to play with himself before taking them off. He wears no underwear. He is now totally naked. The heavy hair in his armpits, his pubes, and the hair on his legs is coal black. Hair is beginning between his pecs. Unlike the others, his pulls his foot up to rub his cock against it. He has a big dick. The camera work is not really better in his scene then it was in the others, but he overcomes the fact. Even after he’s cum the camera still lingers on him as if it were as reluctant to leave him as I was. Dustin is this film’s redeeming feature. I hope some producer sees this cocky kid and casts him a good one.

I’ve often said that one can have amateurs in front of the camera and have a good one. One cannot have a good film with amateurs behind the camera. It’s just inexperience, but they need to get serious about making a film. Learn to handle the camera. Put some variety into the scenes. Put a couple of guys together. Suck them toes! Then move on to other things. Shrimping is just foreplay after all.