Teagan: All American Girl Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  2/28/2006

The Little Details

Running Time: 90 min.

Production Date: 3 / 26 / 2005

Director: Celeste

Cast: Hillary Scott, Holly Morgan, Jana Cova, Kelly Kline, Paola Rey, Sarah Blake, Evan Stone, Marco Duato, Scott Nails, and of course, Teagan

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I haven’t seen any of Celeste’s work from behind the camera, so I’m going into this one a bit curious

Initial Reaction: It’s been a long time since I’ve hated a movie like this.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody who cares more about “pretty” than sexy

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who can’t find their remote control

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: There is no audio other than the music. The video is soft and nicely lit, with barely any grain or camera motion. It’s also presented in anamorphic widescreen, which is very nice to see.

Music: The music is nicely done, but since it’s the only audio in the movie it better be! It varies from scene to scene, and even between the warmup and the fucking in each scene. It’s often very well done, and would be a heck of a lot better if you could actually hear the performers. At the same time, there were times when it took the scene in a completely different direction due to its style.

Menus: The main menu is okay. It has a nice style and a little animation to help things out. The chapter menu is extremely generic, and lets you choose a scene just based on a small clip of each scene and a chapter number.

The Feature

Teagan: All American Girl collects nine sex scenes with Teagan in five of them. They’re all heavy on style, and often has a slight lead-in to get them started.

Scene 1 - Teagan and Evan Stone

Teagan starts things out wearing a yellow top, socks, and skirt with a green shirt of it and green panties jumping rope as bad boy Evan watches her and has a smoke. He rubs his cock lightly while watching her, blows a little smoke over at her, and reaches into his pocket to pull out some candy for her before guiding her hand back to his cock and reaching around to give her the smoke. Teagan licks and sucks her candy while Evan moves down to admire her ass and give it a little tongue action. He pulls his cock out and takes Teagan straight to the A from behind before picking her up and continue to slide her up and down his cock. Teagan resists sucking Evan’s cock at first, but after a bit gets into it while mixing in a few more licks of her candy. She slides her ass back over his cock for a sidesaddle ride and hops off to suck it clean before letting Evan up to give her a nice creamy facial.

This is a pretty good scene. Teagan plays the cute and young aspect extremely well through the scene, and Evan is just as good as the dirty old man. I like how she resists a little most of the time before she really gets into it, and Evan lets go with a great pop for her facial. On the other hand, I didn’t really care for the style of the scene. You don’t get to hear either Teagan or Evan at all, and the editing had a music-video style feel to it that was constantly on the move. This is a pretty good scene, but I couldn’t help but think that it would have been even hotter if it were a little more straightforward and about twice as long.

Scene 2 - Sarah Blake and Marco Duato

Sarah starts out the second scene in blue shoes, socks, and frilly panties with a yellow shirt and a yellow string with ducks on it as she ‘feeds’ the plastic ducks in the pond. When Marco shows up to feed the ducks as well, he can’t resist checking Sarah out. She reaches in to get him a duck, but he just throws it to the side before throwing her to the ground, licking her, kissing her, and fondling her through her shirt. They pull it aside so he can lick her tits as she lies back before Sarah stands up and lets Marco admire her ass. Sarah gets down and sucks Marco’s cock before riding it in both cowgirls. She bends over so Marco can take her from behind, and finally lets him pop on her face.

This is an okay scene. Sarah looks cute and the setup is mildly amusing, but the scene never really grabbed my attention. It’s slow and drawn out, and the music made much of it seem like it was trying to be a joke. Sadly, it came off as a failed joke more than anything.

Scene 3 - Teagan

Teagan returns for the next scene in a baby blue top, pink panties, multicolored legwarmers, and big glasses licking an oversized lollipop. She rubs the lollipop around her tits before reaching down to work on her pussy, and plays with herself lightly both sitting back and on all fours.

I pretty much hated this scene. Since you don’t get to actually hear Tegan all you get to hear is the music. I hated both the music and the outfit Teagan had on, and a little light masturbation wasn’t going to help me get past it. This scene made me thankful for a remote control.

Scene 4 - Teagan, Kelly Kline, and Scott Nails

Teagan returns for the next scene to help Kelly wash a car. As Teagan bends over the hood in a sexy multicolored bikini, Kelly soaps her up with a sponge while wearing a red bikini with white polka dots. She lightly licks her way around Teagan’s ass and rubs it with her tits before grinding against her both from behind and in front. Kelly licks Teagan’s tits a little as they share the sponge between them. When Scott gets out of the car, they let him come forward so Kelly can gobble his knob. She even lets Scott fuck her from behind as Teagan watches and strokes his cock a bit. Finally, Kelly gets down and lets Scott pop on her face as she sees just how tightly she can close her eyes and mouth while still giving a little smile.

Yep, this was another loser of a scene for me. The lesbian portion of the scene is so slow and drawn out that nothing seems to happen during it. Scott getting out of the car to join them was a nice touch, but once again didn’t turn into anything because it was one position and done with Teagan barely getting into it. Keep your remote handy for this scene.

Scene 5 - Paola Rey

Paola starts the next segment out in orange stockings, panties, and a tube top with a jean jacket rubbing around making bubbles. I guess bubbles make her horny or something because soon after she’s stripping down and dilddling herself lightly on a bench. After a couple minutes the scene comes to a merciful end.

It’s kinda sad when you think that the best thing about a scene is a girl running around making bubbles. Okay, no, that’s not actually the best thing about the scene. Paola’s looks are the best thing about the scene, and her outfit does a great job of reminding you of it. From then on, everything is wasted, going for slow and so non-threatening that it would have probably taken another five minutes of hard masturbation to win me over here. This is another yawner of a scene.

Scene 6 - Hillary Scott and Marco Duato

Hillary starts things out studying at a table in a white sweater, red paid skirt, pink panties, and white socks. When teacher Marco arrives, he slaps down a large “F” for her, and refuses the apple she offers him. He paddles her ass with a ruler before sucking her tits, and after a little more groping lets her suck his cock. Hillary climbs up to bounce on his bone cowgirl style while fingering her ass, and makes sure to suck her fingers clean before letting Marco bone her behind doggie style. She sucks her ass off his cock and takes it into her throat before getting back on for a reverse cowgirl ride. Finally, Hillary gets down to take a nice facial.

This scene made me glad to have a remote. It was boring as hell as Robby, I mean Celeste, did it, but when one uses the remote (as they should with this movie), it actually gets darn hot! With the remote to speed things up to two or three times the speed of the movie you get some great chemistry and passion rather than a snooze-fest. The remote control makes this a pretty good scene.

Scene 7 - Jana Cova and Teagan

Jana, who really reminds me of a very young Nina Hartley from a couple angles here, and Teagan start out the next scene wearing pink and white outfits in the kitchen. They play with a cherry before Jana goes after Teagan’s tits, and even work a cherry into their play. Teagan adds a little whipped cream as well as she goes after Jana’s tits, and as Jana turn around so she can lick a bit of cream off her ass before spanking and admiring it. They add a cupcake to their play as well before Teagan works on Jana’s undercarriage from the front and the back. Finally the girls finish things up with a kiss.

Even with the remote, this scene didn’t impress me too much. It’s overly soft and drawn out, and very one-sided. If Jana would have gotten a chance to give Teagan a little something in return, this would have been a much better scene, but as is it did nothing for me.

Scene 8 - Holly Morgan and Teagan

Teagan starts out the penultimate scene in ripped jeans and a white shirt while Holly goes with sequined panties, a short skirt, and a scarf around her neck. Teagan blindfolds Holly with a pink scarf before unzipping her shirt to fondle her and aiming her at a pinata. They jump up and down to celebrate before picking up some candy and a vibrator that was inside. They keep playing around extremely lightly and lick and suck the toy a bit before Holly rubs it around her pussy and after a bit longer, slides it in to fuck herself while Teagan watches and rubs herself through her jeans. Teagan also tweaks and kisses Holly’s tits, as well as choking her a little. The scene finally fades out after Holly lets Teagan have a taste of the toy.

This scene was like a slower and more boring version of Teagan’s scene with Jana. I mean, it took roughly seven minutes before the toy ever got near Holly’s honey hole, and the scene’s only ten minutes long! I suppose if you’ve got a pinata fetish this is a great scene, but if you want porn it royally sucks.

Scene 9 - Teagan and Scott Nails

Teagan starts out the final scene writing on Scott’s chest that she’s bored and wants him to fuck her. He flips her over and pins her down to kiss her before rolling her onto all fours and licking her ass while pulling back on her suspenders. Teagan sucks Scott’s schlong in return before letting him spoon her ass and spear it reverse cowgirl style. Finally, Teagan takes a nice facial to finish things up.

This is a pretty hot scene, thanks to the wonders of Mr. Remote Control. Teagan looks darn hot and the scene has a fun start. There appears to be some good chemistry between them, along with decent energy. This is a pretty good scene to end things with. If only it would have been in real time and would have allowed you to hear the performers.

Teagan: All American Girl is one heck of a boring movie. Yes, it tries to get by on style, and although they were fairly hit or miss for me, they were never enough to get me past the failings of the movie. Every single scene was badly held back due to the slowed down video and not being able to hear the performers, and I don’t think I had wood for an entire ten seconds watching this one. Yes, Teagan’s cute and there’s a heck of a nice cast here, but they were all wasted here by not letting them show their sexual potential. I can appreciate Robby, I mean Celeste’s wanting a softer style, a bit of humor, and some color, but there’s no reason to throw out the sexuality of a scene to go with those things. Teagan: All American Girl is one of the most boring movies I’ve seen in a very long time.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery gives you the option between watching it at your own pace or as a four minute slideshow with about six seconds per good looking snapshot. Trailers are included for ten of Digital Playground’s series and individual releases. There’s also a bio for Teagan and a behind the scenes featurette.

The behind the scenes featurette lasts just under ten minutes. Teagan starts things out dodging the camera before Robby has a bit of fun and jokes around. Teagan talks about the stars in the movie before the camera makes its way around the set capturing both some of the scenes being shot as well as the cast and crew hanging out between scenes. I want to like this one because it is so different from so many of the other behind the scenes featurettes out there, but I just can’t. I think it averages at least one fart joke a minute, and it wasn’t that funny the first time let alone the tenth. The same can be said for the camera following around the “Asian stalker guy”. If that isn’t enough, the featurette makes it look like Celeste was director in name only. I didn’t see her for even a fraction of a second here, and Robby D. appeared to be completely running the show. Heck, there’s barely even any time given to Evan Stone, who’s porno comedy gold! About the only reason to check out this featurette is if you want something to help you decide of Celeste is just a front for Robby D. or not.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, smoking, tease, rimming (male > female), anal, ass to mouth, interracial, masturbation, lesbian, group, B&D (light), food play, and toys

Raincoat Factor: High with a remote control, very low without

Condom Usage: Between Sarah Blake and Marco Duato

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Digital Playground’s bigger releases can be found online for between about $18 and $28 with a few stores offering them for under $20. Don’t even think of paying that much unless you’ve seen some of “Celeste’s” work. The sex is boring and drawn out, and although there’s a little effort put into the extras it isn’t overly impressive. At least the technical aspects are well done. This is a boring movie on a DVD that shows some good care.

Note to Digital Playground: I wonder how well this one would have done for you if you would have had an average cast...

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Other reviews by Astroknight