Sex Show Review

The Plot: Okay, I have to hand it to Vivid. Rarely, if ever, do they produce a movie that doesn't have a plot. Or at least a semblance of a plot. Okay, maybe a hint of a plot. True, the plot's don't always make sense, but you at least get some motivation behind why Actress A is working her way through Actors B, C, D and the sheep in the corner.

Our plot today revolves around a fictitious show similar to Late Night with Old Comedian that you may watch yourself. We start with Steven St. Croix, playing himself, having a lot of fun with Alexa, a waitress he picked up in a bar. After having very intimate relations, Stevie discovers that the new-age bit of fluff that he brought home last night has been talking to her crystals too long. See, she and Steven have only just met last night... in this life. Ah, their souls are immortal and they have been meant for each other since time began. And if Steven doesn't like that arrangement, she'll just have to kill him and wait until the next time they meet up again. Okay. Run, Stevie! Run for your life!

Steven shows up for work at his talk show, and we watch the controlled choas that happens behind the scenes at any television show. There are some technical problems, like the featured guest, Christy Canyon, hasn't arrived at the studio yet. Neither has the backup guest, Jenteal. The show's sidekick, Hal, hasn't been getting any lately so he's so horny that the cat hides when he comes close. Someone's stuck in the elevator between floors, there is an actress who needs to audition for the vibrator sketch the next day... the problems just keep mounting.

Speaking of mounting, Jenteal is actually the person stuck in the elevator. She's being ravished by a vibrator, and it won't let her go. Hal decides to play the part of the show's producer long enough to get a blowjob by the aspiring actress, Edie. The producer walks in on them, tells Hal to get his ass back out on stage, and proceeds to get a blowjob himself. Jenteal goes out on stage and is interviewed by Steven about her recent movie, during which the producer has to run off and solve another problem. He leaves the aspiring actress in the hands of the executive flunky, who proceeds to get a blowjob. I'll just stop right now and say that whomever wanders into this office gets to have some sort of sex with the Edie. The gopher Flip, the production assistant Polly, the sidekick Hal, the producer Marty... she's like a bus, she gives everyone a ride.

Christy Canyon finally shows up and gets seduced by the makeup girl, Monica. Steven acts out a traveling salesman joke and gets an unexpected blowjob by the Psycho Twink, Alexa, and Polly helps take care of Christy's needs as the guest (mainly by sticking her tongue into the proper places). Despite her earlier protestations, Christy gets hot and bothered during the show and ends up screwing Steven, Hal and Marty during the broadcast. The show closes to the appearance of the Penis Potato Lady, and Steven gets a date with Christy Canyon later that night.

And what of Psycho Twink? She's hiding under Steven's bed with a knife. Thankfully, the movie ends here instead of going off onto a Lorena Bobbit gig. Eek!

The Cast: You got to hand it to Vivid, they sure can pick a good cast. We have some real beauties here, such as Jenteal, Christy Canyon and Krista Maze. Christy Canyon and Jenteal play themselves (as does Steven St. Croix and Scottie Schwartz). Krista plays the producer's assistant, Polly, Kitty Monroe plays the Psycho Twink, Alexa, Toni plays the makeup lady, Monica and Tracey Lori plays the aspiring actress, Edie. How do they rate? Pretty damn hot. Jenteal looks delectable and Krista Maze is quite stunning. I really like Krista's ass, you could bounce quarters off of it. Kitty Monroe looks pretty good, too. I personally think she is a bit skinny for my tastes, but I have been told that I couldn't pick out a supermodel if one came up to me and copped an attitude to my face. Jenteal is a pretty good actress (her delivery is a little stilted), but Christy Canyon punches out a good performance. Krista, unfortunately, needs to learn how to project her voice: You can barely hear her when she's speaking. Kitty does very well in her one and only scene with dialogue, the highlight of which is listed below:

"We've known each other ever since the second harvest of Sultarr in the Province of Kafeir... Would you like to penetrate me again, now?"

The guys are rounded out by Steven St. Croix (duh), Tony Tedeschi, Michael Knight and Vince Vouyer. Every one of them turns in a good acting performance. It is a little over the top, but it is a much better quality when compared to most porn. Steven is funny, as usual, and Tony Tedeschi and Vince Voyeur both put in fairly convincing performances. Michael Knight got handed the short stick when it came to roles, but he does a good job in it. I'm quite impressed. Mind you, the plot didn't require a whole lot of range, but the timing was good, the actors seemed to click and the lines flowed naturally for the most part. I'm definitely happy with the acting from the guys.

The Sex: You don't suppose we could possibly start a porn movie with a sex scene, could we? Naaaaah. Okay, we have a couple of people having sex. We'll figure out why later, I guess. Steven St. Croix and Kitty Monroe, the Psycho-Twink, are having a good round of scrumpy-bumpy in Stevie's apartment. Stevie has horrible taste in decor, with a round little love seat that serves as the platform for pussy pounding. Actually, I must give credit where it is due. Kitty starts with a strip tease that is very well done. This is the kind of performance that you want to happen to you on your birthday: slow strip tease followed by a blowjob and then sex doggie style. After a very brief time, they switch to anal sex and things start to liven up. Our lovely actress Kitty, who has been dead silent up until she says "fuck me in my ass" starts to make some noise. Well, I'm glad Stevie hits her buttons, but even a token moan during traditional sex would have been nice. This is actually a pretty good opener for the movie, but it's not a ball-busting scene. The camera work is typical, and the sex isn't anything really amazing. It's just a competent performance. The strip tease at the beginning is what really does it for me, enough to say that this is an above-average scene.

Jenteal is standing in the elevator and suddenly decides that she needs a Snickers bar. Or a vibrator break. I'm not sure which, but since she seems to only have a vibrator handy we get treated to a humming & thrumming plastic penetrator. In my experience, nobody plays with the plastic toys like Jenteal does. It's a very good scene, with lots of moans, some good penetration shots and a very lovely lady tucked in the corner of the elevator on a stool. Stool? Who the hell has a stool in their elevators? Jenteal gives up on the plastic after a while and goes into manual mode for a bit, but it's not long before we get to hear that humming sound again! Speaking of humming sounds, it is almost enough to drown out the background music. It is, of course, a scene in an elevator, so you can guess what kind of music is playing in the background. Help. Help. My penis doesn't know what's going on. Jenteal + Vibrator + Muzak = Very confused Mr. Happy.

During Jenteal's interview on the show, Hal (Tony Tedeschi) wanders into the producer's office and meets the aspiring actress Edie (Tracey Lori). Well, you can guess how this casting couch scene is going to play out. Hal pretends to be Marty and gets Edie to let him finger her and gets a blowjob in return. By the way, I'm watching this scene as I type this and I can say that the background music is really annoying for this scene. It is, so help me porn, worse than the elevator music that was in the previous scene. It's like that annoying music you hear in department stores... the stuff you can't avoid because you have to get your shopping done. At least in the elevator you can get out at your floor and go listen to some real music. In the department store, there is no escape. Anyway... This scene is pretty brief, and it is interrupted by the second half of Jenteal's interview. Edie gives pretty good-looking blowjobs. Lots of deep sucking motions and looks into her partner's eyes. Nice job, Edie. I wonder if you're going to get to do that again in this movie...

Who am I kidding? Of course Edie is going to get to play with someone else. In fact, right after he kicks Hal out, the producer, Marty (Vince Voyeur) takes his turn on the end of Edie's tonsils. It doesn't last very long until Marty is replaced by the gopher, Flip (Michael Knight). This isn't much of a sex scene. It actually just seems like an excuse for Vivid to whip out their multi-angle toy again. No sooner does the Vivid icon in the corner disappear than Flip comes in to tell Marty that Steve is flipping out. Still, after taking an interlude for Scottie Schwartz's comedy routine (don't bother), Flip is on the receiving end. Ah, but Flip is wanted by the big shots and while he is getting his dick sucked, Polly (Krista Maze) is spying at the door. Well, she naturally decides that it wasn't really that important, so she takes off her dress and fingers her own ass while watching the two of them. Well, actually she's watching Edie. Flip isn't doing much of anything other than staying hard and groaning slightly and occasionally sliding a finger into Edie. Really, the highlight for me was watching Krista. Good god, that woman has a nice body! That is a world-class ass. Unfortunately, she doesn't show much heat in her fingering. Polly apparently decides that Flip doesn't really deserve to spurt today and interrupts the two of them to send him back to work. Drat.

That's okay, because no sooner does Steven stop bothering Christy Canyon then the makeup girl Monica (Toni) and Christy start licking each other in the wardrobe department. While this is happening, Edie and Polly are in the producer's office licking away. We're going to cut back and forth for a bit here, but since it is two sets of women licking each other, you're not supposed to mind. Bullshit. The editing is terrible, and it would be nice to stick with either one of the two couples. As much as I am fond of Krista's body, she doesn't show much heat in her scene. She and Tracey never seem to really click. Tracey also needs to shut the hell up, because nobody is going to think those were real moans of passion. Christy Canyon, on the other hand, looks like she's really enjoying herself. Christy doesn't really do much for me in the looks department. Granted, she's got a slim body and big breasts (they've got to be natural, silicone doesn't flop like that) but something about her just doesn't work for me. I suspect it's the shape of her face. However, when it comes to crankin' out a good scene, she is queen of her game. Toni has three (!) piercings in her hood, which is an awful lot of metal to be jingling around. Of the two, it looks like Christy and Toni are the real lesbians, while Krista and Tracey look like pornstars collecting a paycheck.

Marty walks in on Polly and Edie licking each other and puts a stop to that nonsense right quick (Thankfully! They didn't look like they were particularly having fun). Polly gets sent off to "take care of the talent" while Marty takes care of Edie. In this case, it means that Polly is going to join Christy and Monica in wardrobe, and Marty is going to fuck Edie in the ass. Again, we're going to be switching back and forth between the two. In fact, after Vince and Tracey finish, Michael Knights is going to step in and fuck Tracey as well. Essentially, we have three scenes here and we're going to slip back and forth through all of them. First, Christy/Monica/Polly. First, for some stupid reason, Christy pulls down her shirt and puts her shorts back on before diving back into Toni's crotch. Why? Only so that Krista can walk in and take them off again. Cheap plot device, but you get to see Christy Canyon get stripped by Krista Maze. Christy gets munched a bit and then has a dildo shoved up her ass. The strap-on appears out of nowhere, and the party continues. Marty and Edie (Vince and Tracey) do quite well. Tracey stretches out across the desk and fingers her ass before Vince takes the plunge. Once there, they do pretty well together. Tracey stretches out well with a nice set of legs, and you get a good penetration shot of Vince doing the disappearing dick trick. I think Tracey had a lot of fun, because 1) her moans were not nearly as forced as when she was getting licked by Krista, and 2) her nipples are rock hard. Vince pulls out and squirts all over her crotch just as Flip comes to him with another problem. Finally, Tracey and Michael hook up for Flip's Final Cumshot. This is actually okay, as Tracey hops up on Michael's lap and they ride off into the sunset. Okay, maybe not into the sunset. They do move like a pair of hummingbirds on fast forward, though. Lots of energy in Tracey's romping, high marks. It would have been a good scene if it hadn't been interrupted by the Twat Twiddling Trio and the pesky plot part of our next scene...

This next bit is actually going to be difficult for me to write: Vivid has come up with a bona-fide good example of multi-angles in porn! I know, I know... I wasn't expecting it, either. Steven St. Croix is playing the part of the salesman in "the traveling salesman skit". It basically portrays the one of the jokes that you've been telling people since fifth grade. This is the classic "don't stick your dick through the hole in the wall where my daughter's room is," but without the punch line. Steven is supposed to act like he's getting a blowjob, and when Hal pops out, everyone will think Hal was sucking Steven off and the joke can proceed from there. The kicker is that while Steven is boffing the cardboard, Psycho Twink wanders along backstage and starts slurping away. You know, I haven't seen a blowjob to completion in a porn movie in a long time. Anyhow, the nifty thing is that for this one scene, Vivid actually uses the multi-angle capability well. One angle is a shot down the length of the cardboard set, one shot is a zoom in of the slurping action, one is a 3/4 shot of the blowjob, and one is the back of Psycho Twink's head bobbing back and forth. Pick your poison. Actually, this is a pretty good scene, and Psycho Twink gives a nice sloppy blowjob with (thankfully) a minimum of spitting. Good job, guys! What could have made it better? LONGER! It's like a three minute scene.

About the only thing that is left is Michael Knight and Tracey Lori who are still finishing up on the casting couch. Edie's a lovely lady, and those nipples are still trying their best to shoot out the fluorescent lights, but she needs to interact a bit more. Ah, well. An okay finish to what started as a great coupling.

Ah, last but not least, Christy Canyon gets enough noise from the applause track that she let's Steven eat her out for a bit as part of a taste test. After deciding that she does not actually taste like chicken, he convinces her to suck on his dick for a minute or two. After that, she's turned on enough that they're all going to go at it. Halfway through, Marty (Vince Voyeur, remember) drops in with a sarcastic comment and all three of them start poking and prodding. I have got to hand it to Christy: She may not be the best looking gal in the movie, but she has the enthusiasm and the moves to make her a joy to watch. Unfortunately, Vivid has taken a hatchet to this scene and made it nearly unwatchable. Their stupid fucking multi-angle technique apparently consists of looping the same scene of Christy sucking on Steven's tool run at slightly different starting points, and one angle of Vince jerking off in the corner. Bleh.

The Image/Audio: The image is typical for Vivid's Dark Period. In other words, it is of low quality, but watchable. There is a significant amount of grain in the image and a little shimmering. There obviously was no real effort to clean this up before encoding it to DVD. There are a couple of video barfs that pop up, but they're gone too fast for me to really identify them. I'll just classify them as nicks and leave it at that. Unfortunately the lighting varies from moment to moment in the same shot. It's just generally very inconsistent. Bleh.

The music is actually pretty good for porn. I believe it is the same guy who did the music from Fresh . Not too loud, not too intrusive and compliments the action on screen. Nothing you would tap your toes to, but a very competant job, with the occasional exception as noted above. Much better than what you find in some porn movies. Unfortunately, the audio varies as much as the lighting. Some portions are clear, some are muted, and sometimes it switches mid-sentence. Bleh.

One last little note, since it affects both the audio and the video. Vivid's use of the multi-angle feature causes the image and the audio to get out of sync with each other as your DVD player frantically tries to figure out where the hell it is supossed to be. It gets really annoying, and you can't do anything about it. Even if you don't use the multi-angle, there is a slight pause as the player hops in and out of chapters with multiple angles. Bleh.

The Extras: This is bare-bones for a Vivid disk. Our platter today contains three previews, five little snippets of award-winning sex scenes, a link to the WWW, the stupid "Intel Sex" game, scene access and bios of several of the Vivid girls. Most of whom are not in this movie. Sigh. This is typical of Vivid's Dark Period, as I like to call it. Actually, this disc is from when Vivid was just getting into the DVD craze. Single sided, single layer, no silkscreening. This is about as cheap as you can make it. I think when Vivid discovered RSDL they threw more extras at you (instead of better image quality). This pre- dates the virtual hallways and other crap, but the "intel-sex" thing is still there. For those of you out there who don't know what this thing is, think of a picture of a living room with paintings of porn stars on the wall. Click on photo, and see part of a sex scene with that star. Not the whole scene, mind you, but just a little probing. Bleh.

The Good: You will find it hard to find women who look better than the Vivid stable. There is a lot of humor, the sex is pretty good and the plot is unlike most other porn films. The acting isn't half bad and the soundtrack is better than most. Christy Canyon is a passionate performer.

The Bad: The image is rather poor and the film has a pretty weak plot. Editing switches between different sex scenes an awful lot. Some portions are over-acted. The multi-angle shit has got to go.

Overall: Not bad, not bad at all. It won't stay in my collection, but I'm glad I saw it. If you're flipping through the adult section at the rental store, it's worth checking out. If you're a big fan of the Vivid girls, than you should probably add this one to your list.