Sex Gallery (Adam & Eve) Review

Reviewed by T0MBOne  on  3/1/2009

SEX GALLERY (2008, Adam & Eve) promises "over two hours of crazed sexual passions" and delivers one fine scene, three solid scenes and one crappy scene. Each scene begins with an opening title card that's in a sort of frame, like each scene is a moving picture in some sort of virtual art gallery. Each opening frame is entitled "the art of" something as a clue to what's to come. Director Carlos Batts shoots all 5 scenes in the same studio space with white walls, a black pillar or two and black/white squares that pattern the floor along with other sparse furnishings to help set the scenes apart. (Look closely and you'll occasionally read the number of the studio space, 4130, in reverse)

The Art of Voyeurism---Arianna Jollee & Barry Scott

Arianna sits in a black chair before red drapery. She wears this wild red corsette thing, red knee high hosiery and wacky red platformed shoes. Her hair is a sort of strange red color that's pulled back and tied into a pony tail and she sports some rather bizarre glasses. Barry rises up from behind the chair and plays with her tits and twat. Her blow job features plenty of spitting and gulp-gulp sounds and catching the spit as it drips off his dickhead. Barry sucks her ass then fucks her upright, which features the first of a few Arianna squirts. The rest of the scene consists of more straight and anal fucking with some squirting raining in. My favoite camera shot shows Barry fucking the beautiful Arianna from behind as she kneels into the black chair on rollers. Barry spins Arianna's head to receive the cumshot that mostly drips on her shoulder then she spits a few dabs onto her left nipple then the camera pulls away to the white reaches of the studio to end the scene. Arianna and Barry give spirited performances here but the overall redness of everything, including Arianna's strange hair color, was a bit too much for this 27 minute scene---!!! outa !!!!!

The Art of Madness---Roxy De Ville & Marcus London

Crazy woman Roxy lies on the floor in a purple straight jacket with a pillar separating purple and red drapery. She looks fantastic with thick black hair, matching purple eye shadow with a black tear drawn out the right side of her eye. She also wears these huge black platformed boots that assist the straight jacket in visually forcing the viewer to behold what's above and below, an incredible ass and beautiful legs. Call me crazy, but I loved this scene as long as Roxy stayed in the straight jack. Marcus undoes the garment during doggie sex, which frees Roxy's boobs to bounce that natural bounce. The rest of the scene settles into a more standard straight sex affair. Director Batts nicely captures Roxy's full figure posed upon a white cushioned bench as she lies naked taking a doggie pounding from Marcus. Roxy receives a facial finisher to this 21 minute scene---!!! outa !!!!!

The Art of Small Black Dresses---Annette Schwartz & Marcus London

Annette looks great in a tight black dress with garters attached to sheer red stockings that end in sexy black heels. Her long blonde hair pulled up into a massive pony tail helps highlight her cute thin facial features. Marcus plays a more submissive role early in this scene as he observes Annette approach a table of items and rub the flat top of a dagger blade gently along her twat. Marcus stands before the black pillar and white walls until Annette tosses him onto the bench draped in black, where she takes his pants off and sucks his cock. She takes off her little black dress which reveals a skimpy black bra then she sucks his balls, gives him a hand job, sits on his face. The scene settles into some straight sex positions, the best moments when she lets her bra straps down so her boobs with small nipples bounce free in reverse cowgirl. Marcus stands over Annette with her head tilted back for the facial finisher---!!! outa !!!!

The Art of Anarchy---Flower Tucci & Jerry

This scene has a very thin premise where Jerry comes down to our anarchist's room to tell her to turn her music down. Instead, he ends up in her clutches.

Flower looks too goofy to be considered an anarchist, maybe a weekend punk rocker, at best. Even worse is this banner that features the letter A made of pieces of black tape in a black circle made of the same black tape pieces, which match two pieces, one each taped over Flower's tiny nipples. This "Circle A" looks like a piss-poor porn company logo and it's everywhere in the camera shots of this scene.

Meanwhile, Flower dominates her neighbor but then the scene turns into a squirt fest especially when Jerry pounds Flower doggie-style. She squirts once more from mish-fucking then takes a tremendous facial load from Jerry, which is the highlight of this strange 29 minute mess---! 1/2

The Art of French Maids---Gia Paloma & Barry Scott

Gia and her nice tush emerging from out under the lace of her maid's tutu skirt is the photo gracing the DVD cover sleeve. Her scene is the best of the bunch. Batts sticks with the minimal approach by leaving the studio set empty except for Gia and a bar stool with a red dildo affixed at its center. Gia licks the bar stool and makes her way to the dildo then all music stops for her to deep-throat the dildo. She pops her voluptuous boobs out of her skimpy black top and titty-fucks the dildo. The red dildo and feather duster handle land in her pussy and ass then Barry Scott shows up to say "good heavens."

The 25 plus minutes remaining to this 41 minute scene feature a whirlwind of sexual positions both straight and anal that mostly takes place on the reappearing white cushioned bench but also some doggie fucking occurs on the stool. At one point, Barry pulls out of her ass, then Gia says "stick it back in my ass." He obliges but he also sticks the red didlo down her throat. After sucking him and looking into the camera during moments of the final blow job, she takes a facial for the finisher and dribbles some cum onto the dildo. It's a fine scene that starts out slowly measured and surprisingly erotic then becomes a bit too frantic in director Batt's attempt at cramming too much into the last two thirds---!!!! outa !!!!!

A Bonus Scene from YOUNG HOLLYWOOD starring Kimberly Kane and Steve St. Croix is part of the extras. The scene fits in with the art gallery theme of the feature as the duo bop in front of some pop art and fuck ontop of a two wheeled but motorless chopper frame---!! 1/2 outa !!!!!

The Behind the Scenes has 7 minutes of photo shoot imagery that speeds up and slows down to the beat of weird techno music then 15 minutes of chit-chatting with Arianna, sexy posing with Roxy, mishing bonus footage with Gia and Barry. There's a four minute Photo Gallery. Previews of KISS ATTACK, TITS N' ASS,a STAGGER LEE title, VOLUPTUOUS LIFE and BETTIE.

And finally...

The Art of Making XXX Scenes---T0MBOne and Anyone That Agrees

In the future, learn that sometimes less is more.

Be able to look at a set and say that this item or that piece of furniture or that wall hanging or that crappy sign is going to be nothing but clutter in the camera shot.

Be able to distinguish between what's right for the female and/or acting talent. Hmm, her red hair looks kinda cool, kinda different, but different does not always mean better, sometimes it's just different.

Learn to pace these scenes, not cram everything (and the kitchen sink) into what started out as measured and erotic.

Keep close-ups of butts and balls to a minimum. I will keep watching these minor porn productions if directors learn to shoot these beautiful young women with as much of their cute faces & magnificent bods in the frame as possible.

SEX GALLERY (2008, Adam & Eve) receives !!! outa !!!!! so says this xxx/art critic.