San Fernando Jones and the Temple of Poon Review
Metro
Studio: Metro
Category: Comedy
Directed by: Mike Quasar
Starring: Brian Surewood, Mark Davis, Vince Vouyer, Tyce Bune, Dolly Golden, Tabitha Stevens, Ron Jeremy, Tina Cheri, Mark Cummings, Wendi Knight, Heather Lynn, Jade Marcela, Miko Lee, Kianna
Released on: 7/19/2001
dumblonde's ratings for this movie:
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Reviewed by dumblonde on 4/17/2002
Writer/Director: Mike Quasar
Videographer: Mike Quasar
Running length: 1 hr. 25 min.
D.O.P. 2/1/2000
Female cast: Tabitha Stevens, Heather Lyn, Tina Cherie, Dolly Golden, Kianna, Jade Marcela
Male cast: Marc Davis, Vince Voyeur, Brian Surewood, Tyce Bune, Mark Cummimgs, and Ron Jeremy as San Fernando Jones
Audio/Video
My only complaint would be the video being TOO good in a couple of scenes. 'Nuff said.
Extras:
These included a behind the scenes featurette with Mike holding a camera and chatting with a few people, including Ron, who actually appears to be about the only sane person among them. Ron is shown studying his script and trying to keep from falling asleep. He's afraid of having indignities inflicted upon him in that state, and tells a couple of funny stories along those lines. After seeing the damage that a high speed drill can inflict upon a rubber dildo, I don't blame him for staying awake. If dildo defilement disturbs you, you mught wanna skip the 'behind the scenes'.
The Movie:
I've had this one awhile, but I thought with Tabitha's upcoming chat, it might be a good time to submit my long overdue review.
This is a spoof more of Ron Jeremy than Indiana Jones, but it does have some funny moments, and they seemed to have a lot of fun making it. Ron took a lot of ribbing and good naturedly.
Based loosely, VERY loosely, on Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom, I was pleasantly surprised that the sex was so good. Any time I can get my two favorite things that make life bearable together in one movie, I'm happy. No, not Surewood and Bune, though they do have a nasty good time and another enthusiastic DP.
If you find Ron to be funny for some reason, you need to see this movie. His puttin the meat to Tabitha in the last scene is not to be missed, and I think she deserved a nomination for Performer Of The Year for this alone.
Sex scene 1: Marc Davis, Dolly Golden and Wendi Knight Condom (anal)
Great start, with an outdoors 3-way. Briefly interrupted by Ron, or should I say San Fernando Jones, who was quickly sent packing by MikeAdams-as-MikeQuasar, ordering him to get the fuck off his set. Don't expect it to follow the original to the letter.
Dolly Golden I wasn't familiar with. She's an attractive blonde, and does a good job in her scene with Davis, giving him a nice wet blowjob and straddling him before MikeAdams-as-MikeQuasar tells them he wants to see some 'box licking' now, so they 69 for awhile. Wendy doesn't have much to do until she sits on Dolly's face while Davis fucks her missionary. Dolly eats her pussy a little, but all the fucking, including anal, is between Marc and Dolly. It still is a very hot scene that builds, with good background music, humor, attractive people, lots of positions, and camera angles.
Sex scene 2: Vince Voyeur and Kianna No condom
San Fernando Jones hunts down a retired porn star, Jules (Voyeur), who is the only known person to have been to the Temple of Poon. Ron wants any information Jules can give him, and finds him in some kind of nursing home. He walks in to find him masturbating (old habits die hard...or something)
Vince, only mildly irritated, tells him to sit down and shut the fuck up while he rubs one out. Oddly, having Ron there seems to speed things up and he 'finishes' within a few seconds. Oh, don't worry - this is all simulated only, under the sheet. Damn it. He then yells for a "clean up on aisle 7!" , obviously having a lot of 'pull' in this hospital.
Anyhoo, the only thing he can tell Ron is that the temple is rumored to contain the 'sweetest, tightest pussy in the valley.'
Vince's nurse comes in for his nightly blowjob, after which he fucks her missionary, doggy, her on top (prone) with her back to him (not sure of the name for this position, but there has to be one). Kianna is a good looking girl with lots of enthusiasm. A very high energy coupling, with lots of screaming and bed rattling seems to be doing him wonders. Ends in a facial, with a lot of cum on her face, so I guess that's considered a good one.
This scene made me laugh, and ended with some hot hospitalbed bangin sex. What more could you want?
Sex scene 3: Ron Jeremy and Heather Lyn
Ron gets some head from newcomer Heather, who probably takes him on because, well, she's new. You couldn't tell it by the way sucks him, though. After he squirts in her mouth, she takes him to her house, where she says her roomates are fucking so many guys that some people are calling their house the 'temple of poon.' Sure enough, her slutbag roommates have a couple of studs over, so Heather fixes Ron a plate of snacks and they sit down to watch the two couples in the livingroom go at it.
Sex scene 4: Tyce Bune, Brian Surewood, Jade Marcella and Miko Lee No condoms
There's a lot fucking in numerous positions, switching partners, and one DP with multiple buffer zone violations. I had to mute the sound soon into it, but others might love how much these two yell and scream. They do quiet down some when the scene ends with some nasty facials, spunk swapping, spitting, slurping and snowballing...or something like that. It was nasty, anyway.
Sex scene 5: Mark Cummings, Heather Lyn and Tina Cheri No condom
Mark and Tina play the neighbors Ima and Bubba Hicks, who come over to borrow some tools. It seems they have some weird structure in their yard that Bubba wants to park his new ridin' lawn mower in.
Bubba tells them it's the 'dangdest thing he ever seen' because there's no doors on it. You got it, it's the temple of Poon at last, although legend has it that in order to gain entrance, a 'sexual sacrifice' must be made.
Ron says "So somebody fuck me!" Well, this is too big a sacrifice even for Bubba - he will fuck the girls though, while Jeremy goes exploring. What a guy.
This was my favorite - an outdoor night scene between Mark and the two girls.
After the dual screamers in the last one, this is a relief, and illustrates how much hotter (real) it is just to hear those breathing and sucking sounds, with a few well-placed moans. Even though I think part of it was looped, this is very sexual, much more so than loud hollering. The background music was kept lower, to catch the slurpy sounds of Tina's blowjob on Mark. It sounded like these guys were really getting off, so it was getting me pretty warm.
I just have two questions.
Did someone have gas? I swear I heard someone fart 3 or 4 times, and Ron was shown to be lurking in the area. Also, is Mark Cummings the same as Mark Wood? I get those guys confused.
Sex scene 6: Ron Jeremy and Tabitha Stevens Condom
Ron, or San Fernando Jones, finally reaches the object of his quest, and wastes no time tearing off a piece of "the sweetest, tightest pussy in the land". The set was very attractive with glowing candles and drapes of mosquito netting. The music was low, primal & atmospheric, fitting perfectly, and I had the sense of actually being deep in the jungle of the San Fernando Valley.
Tabitha Stevens certainly looked like she was enjoying herself, with her trademark dirty talking, in a soft, low voice. Why don't guys do this? There was a lot of sexual heat here, between the drumbeat native music, mood lighting and Tabitha's nasty talk. If you don't mind watching Ron Jeremy, I'm sure this will do it for you.
It worked for me with my eyes closed. I actually enjoyed lying back and thinking about Harrison Ford.
Your mileage may vary.
SCREENSHOTS of San Fernando Jones and The Temple of Poon
questions or comments?
e- mail: dumblonde@my.adultdvdtalk.com
other reviews & screenshots by dumblonde
Videographer: Mike Quasar
Running length: 1 hr. 25 min.
D.O.P. 2/1/2000
Female cast: Tabitha Stevens, Heather Lyn, Tina Cherie, Dolly Golden, Kianna, Jade Marcela
Male cast: Marc Davis, Vince Voyeur, Brian Surewood, Tyce Bune, Mark Cummimgs, and Ron Jeremy as San Fernando Jones
Audio/Video
My only complaint would be the video being TOO good in a couple of scenes. 'Nuff said.
Extras:
These included a behind the scenes featurette with Mike holding a camera and chatting with a few people, including Ron, who actually appears to be about the only sane person among them. Ron is shown studying his script and trying to keep from falling asleep. He's afraid of having indignities inflicted upon him in that state, and tells a couple of funny stories along those lines. After seeing the damage that a high speed drill can inflict upon a rubber dildo, I don't blame him for staying awake. If dildo defilement disturbs you, you mught wanna skip the 'behind the scenes'.
The Movie:
I've had this one awhile, but I thought with Tabitha's upcoming chat, it might be a good time to submit my long overdue review.
This is a spoof more of Ron Jeremy than Indiana Jones, but it does have some funny moments, and they seemed to have a lot of fun making it. Ron took a lot of ribbing and good naturedly.
Based loosely, VERY loosely, on Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom, I was pleasantly surprised that the sex was so good. Any time I can get my two favorite things that make life bearable together in one movie, I'm happy. No, not Surewood and Bune, though they do have a nasty good time and another enthusiastic DP.
If you find Ron to be funny for some reason, you need to see this movie. His puttin the meat to Tabitha in the last scene is not to be missed, and I think she deserved a nomination for Performer Of The Year for this alone.
Sex scene 1: Marc Davis, Dolly Golden and Wendi Knight Condom (anal)
Great start, with an outdoors 3-way. Briefly interrupted by Ron, or should I say San Fernando Jones, who was quickly sent packing by MikeAdams-as-MikeQuasar, ordering him to get the fuck off his set. Don't expect it to follow the original to the letter.
Dolly Golden I wasn't familiar with. She's an attractive blonde, and does a good job in her scene with Davis, giving him a nice wet blowjob and straddling him before MikeAdams-as-MikeQuasar tells them he wants to see some 'box licking' now, so they 69 for awhile. Wendy doesn't have much to do until she sits on Dolly's face while Davis fucks her missionary. Dolly eats her pussy a little, but all the fucking, including anal, is between Marc and Dolly. It still is a very hot scene that builds, with good background music, humor, attractive people, lots of positions, and camera angles.
Sex scene 2: Vince Voyeur and Kianna No condom
San Fernando Jones hunts down a retired porn star, Jules (Voyeur), who is the only known person to have been to the Temple of Poon. Ron wants any information Jules can give him, and finds him in some kind of nursing home. He walks in to find him masturbating (old habits die hard...or something)
Vince, only mildly irritated, tells him to sit down and shut the fuck up while he rubs one out. Oddly, having Ron there seems to speed things up and he 'finishes' within a few seconds. Oh, don't worry - this is all simulated only, under the sheet. Damn it. He then yells for a "clean up on aisle 7!" , obviously having a lot of 'pull' in this hospital.
Anyhoo, the only thing he can tell Ron is that the temple is rumored to contain the 'sweetest, tightest pussy in the valley.'
Vince's nurse comes in for his nightly blowjob, after which he fucks her missionary, doggy, her on top (prone) with her back to him (not sure of the name for this position, but there has to be one). Kianna is a good looking girl with lots of enthusiasm. A very high energy coupling, with lots of screaming and bed rattling seems to be doing him wonders. Ends in a facial, with a lot of cum on her face, so I guess that's considered a good one.
This scene made me laugh, and ended with some hot hospitalbed bangin sex. What more could you want?
Sex scene 3: Ron Jeremy and Heather Lyn
Ron gets some head from newcomer Heather, who probably takes him on because, well, she's new. You couldn't tell it by the way sucks him, though. After he squirts in her mouth, she takes him to her house, where she says her roomates are fucking so many guys that some people are calling their house the 'temple of poon.' Sure enough, her slutbag roommates have a couple of studs over, so Heather fixes Ron a plate of snacks and they sit down to watch the two couples in the livingroom go at it.
Sex scene 4: Tyce Bune, Brian Surewood, Jade Marcella and Miko Lee No condoms
There's a lot fucking in numerous positions, switching partners, and one DP with multiple buffer zone violations. I had to mute the sound soon into it, but others might love how much these two yell and scream. They do quiet down some when the scene ends with some nasty facials, spunk swapping, spitting, slurping and snowballing...or something like that. It was nasty, anyway.
Sex scene 5: Mark Cummings, Heather Lyn and Tina Cheri No condom
Mark and Tina play the neighbors Ima and Bubba Hicks, who come over to borrow some tools. It seems they have some weird structure in their yard that Bubba wants to park his new ridin' lawn mower in.
Bubba tells them it's the 'dangdest thing he ever seen' because there's no doors on it. You got it, it's the temple of Poon at last, although legend has it that in order to gain entrance, a 'sexual sacrifice' must be made.
Ron says "So somebody fuck me!" Well, this is too big a sacrifice even for Bubba - he will fuck the girls though, while Jeremy goes exploring. What a guy.
This was my favorite - an outdoor night scene between Mark and the two girls.
After the dual screamers in the last one, this is a relief, and illustrates how much hotter (real) it is just to hear those breathing and sucking sounds, with a few well-placed moans. Even though I think part of it was looped, this is very sexual, much more so than loud hollering. The background music was kept lower, to catch the slurpy sounds of Tina's blowjob on Mark. It sounded like these guys were really getting off, so it was getting me pretty warm.
I just have two questions.
Did someone have gas? I swear I heard someone fart 3 or 4 times, and Ron was shown to be lurking in the area. Also, is Mark Cummings the same as Mark Wood? I get those guys confused.
Sex scene 6: Ron Jeremy and Tabitha Stevens Condom
Ron, or San Fernando Jones, finally reaches the object of his quest, and wastes no time tearing off a piece of "the sweetest, tightest pussy in the land". The set was very attractive with glowing candles and drapes of mosquito netting. The music was low, primal & atmospheric, fitting perfectly, and I had the sense of actually being deep in the jungle of the San Fernando Valley.
Tabitha Stevens certainly looked like she was enjoying herself, with her trademark dirty talking, in a soft, low voice. Why don't guys do this? There was a lot of sexual heat here, between the drumbeat native music, mood lighting and Tabitha's nasty talk. If you don't mind watching Ron Jeremy, I'm sure this will do it for you.
It worked for me with my eyes closed. I actually enjoyed lying back and thinking about Harrison Ford.
Your mileage may vary.
SCREENSHOTS of San Fernando Jones and The Temple of Poon
questions or comments?
e- mail: dumblonde@my.adultdvdtalk.com
other reviews & screenshots by dumblonde
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