Racquel in Paradise Review

Running Time: 82 min.

Production Date: 1991

Director: Derrick Lane and Mickey Ray

Cast: Racquel Darrian, Hot Cinnamon, Rayne, Tiara, Trixie Tyler, Derrick Lane, Jon Dough, Buster Cheri, and Biff Malibu

Initial Expectations: I think I remember seeing this movie when I was first able to legally watch porn. It’s not giving me good expectations.

Initial Reaction: I’m thrilled that Racquel is in paradise, but I wish she wouldn’t have put the rest of us through this living Hell!

Who Should Watch It : Prison inmates

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who can possibly do something else, like giving Saddam Hussein and his camel a full body sponge bath with their tongue

Audio /Video Quality: Almost everything about the technical aspects leaves much to be desired. The audio is poorly balanced, and has a bunch of feedback-like crap that should make your neighbor’s dogs wince in pain. The video is just as bad, and shows the beaches in the movie what grain really is. If that’s not enough, there’s plenty of shadows throughout the movie.

Music: The music screams the late eighties, and not in the good way. It’s got the cheesy rock feel, and is way too loud.

Menus: The menus are very unimpressive and cheaply done. The main menu is unanimated, and the chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene. They also have the same VCA music that’s so overused it’s started to haunt me in my dreams.

The Feature: After some time on the dance circuit, Racquel Darrian heads to Cabo San Lucas for some rest and relaxation. She also squeezes in a little work with a photo shoot and a bunch of sex. She also walks around a bunch. Most of the plot consists of Racquel walking.

Racquel starts things out with a few scenes that are borderline softcore. It starts with Racquel on the strip circuit, moves to Racquel posing for a photo shoot as the ocean rolls in and out, and finally gets on to her diddling herself against some rocks. Amazingly, the camera almost completely ignores Racquel’s amazing ass, an object which has turned many of men into complete drooling idiots. After she warms herself up a bit, Racquel is joined by Derrick Lane, as things are slowed down to the point that I wondered if somebody was trying to imitate Ray Harryhausen’s stop frame creature effects and doing a bad job of it. He kisses his way across Racquel’s amazing body and down to her bearded clam. She gives him some oral love in return before letting him bone her from behind and missionary style. Racquel finishes it up taking Derrick’s load on her stomach. It’s pretty, it’s a little artistic, and it’s boring as hell. I was having a little Jim Beam Black on ice (which is absolutely wonderful) while watching this scene (which is absolutely horrible), and I was torn between drinking more so that I wouldn’t remember this scene or just letting the scene put me to sleep. The only thing that kept me awake here was the fast forward button.

Trixie Tyler, an okay looking dirty blonde, rolls around a bit on the center island in her kitchen while diddling herself until Jon Dough and Biff Malibu show up. She looks quite happy with how they tongue her, and happily climbs on to get her first ride on Biff while sucking Jon’s cock. She lets Jon nail her from behind while sucking Biff, before having Biff fuck her and pop on her stomach. I’m guessing that there’s no pop from Jon as he realized how bad this movie was and ran away at the first chance he got. The camera work left much to be desired, and did things like flipping to a TV showing odd images of Jon and Biff to show that it’s a fantasy. Trixie looked to get into things nicely, but sadly, her enjoyment wasn’t nearly enough to even get this scene up to an average level.

Jon Dough and Biff Malibu return to take on Hot Cimnnamon and Tiara West on a staircase in the penultimate scene. The girls have on nearly identical masks, so you can’t tell who’s fucking who or even if Biff and Jon change partners. The suck and fuck around a staircase before the girls each take a pop on their stomach. The nicest thing I can say about this movie is that it’s very forgettable.

Finally, Rayne takes a bubble bath and masturbates before getting it on with Buster Cheri in front of a fire. Buster, who often made me wonder if he enjoys playing for the other team a lot more than the one he’s on in this scene, eats Rayne before letting her suck his cock. He plays with her as she sucks, and then lets her lay back so he can bone her. They get in a little doggie style as well before Rayne gets a little liquid love on her back. This is easily the best scene in the movie, and actually makes it up to an average level. Rayne looks to be enjoying herself, and puts some nice energy into the scene. Sadly, I doubt many people will make it this far.

Racquel in Paradise shows just why so many people have bad memories of porn of the early nineties. Watching it I couldn’t help but think of driving by a horribly bloody car accident. You know you should look away, but some kind of morbid curiosity won’t let you. The movie appears to be all about Racquel, but she only has one scene in the movie, and it’s not a good scene.

The plot, which is basically following Racquel on vacation, is a good idea, but blows it so much that if Clinton was still in office he’d be making Derrick Lane his newest intern. There were some non-sex parts of this movie that were so unbearably bad that I actually thought about slamming my hand in the closest desk draw to see how the pain compared. If it were actually possible to give negative points to an area of this movie, the plot and acting section would have them. The only reason it got any points whatsoever is that people wouldn’t look at the plot and acting rating and think that this was an all sex movie.

The sex is almost as bad, which is really a shame. The ladies in the movie often look to be getting into the sex, but the camera work and editing left me cold in every scene. Almost every scene left me with a feeling of wasted potential, and that if Derrick Lane ever goes near any type of camera again that he should be thrown in a Turkish prison. The best scene is the final scene with Rayne, who actually manages to get a scene that I’d consider of average quality. She looks to enjoy herself and the grain goes away enough that you can actually see a bit of what’s happening.

Racquel in Paradise shows the difference between “the bomb” and “a bomb”, and it sure as heck isn’t the former. It’s only redeeming factor is that the women look like they’re enjoying themselves, and the camera work and editing often screws that up. Avoid Racquel in Paradise like blowfish served at McDonalds.

Extras: There’s nothing really special here at all. A cast page just gives you a cast listing, without a single picture to allow you to identify a single person. The photo gallery lasts about a minute and three quarters with about seven seconds per decent looking full screen photo. There’s also a few boxcovers, contact information, and the standard Jim Holliday narrated Hall of Fame featurette.

Themes: Straight, masturbation, and group

Condoms Usage: None

Raincoat Factor: Low

Overall: Currently, most of VCA’s DVDs can be found online for between $17 and $28 with most stores offering them around $20. If you pay that much money for this DVD, somebody should beat you until you’re bloody with a zucchini. The extras are meaningless, the technical aspects pretty much suck, and the movie is almost worthless.

Note to VCA: I won’t comment on how bad the movie is here, but instead comment on your overall DVD and the problems I’m seeing with your classics line. If you’re going to put out this kind of a generic DVD, lower your price to reflect how little you’re giving the consumer. This DVD should be available at several retailers for under ten bucks with what you’re offering here. When the photo gallery is the only thing that really shows any effort on the DVD, something’s wrong, especially with the resources and creativity VCA shows on some of their other DVDs! I apologize for getting a little mean here, but I’ve seen more effort put into Vivid’s budget DVDs than most of VCA’s Classics line! There’s more than enough room for a couple bonus scenes here, and I’m pretty sure you could have shown a scene from each of the three movies you have boxcovers included for. All a boxcover tells me is a movie that I might have heard of is out on DVD. If I’ve heard of the title I might pick it up on DVD, but if I haven’t, odds are that couldn’t care less. If I see a scene from that movie, whether I’ve heard of the movie or not, I’m going to want to check out that movie if the scene turns me on. A product should be like a tandem bicycle. Your customer will pedal as much as possible if they feel you’re putting some good effort into peddling your product too. If they feel like coasting, they’re likely to let it coast to the side of the road and walk somewhere else.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight