Private Diary of Tori Welles, The Review

Reviewed by -lunacy-  on  5/27/2001

Overall thoughts;
Why the hell did I subject myself to this...

Trying to watch this was ludicrous, it looks and sounds as though it was shot by someone that just learned to turn on a camera. Some of the scenes you only get half the shot because something is in the way and what you can see is thru snow so you ask yourself if you're pirating cable or watching something you paid for. At many points thru this film it was so ridiculous I just had to laugh, although somehow I doubt humor was the intent.
*It is my assumption and opinion that Tori is either insane or/and on drugs. She is not lucid and has weird episodes of anxiety throughout the film.
*She talks too much during sex, tries to hard to be sexy.
*Whoever was manning the camera, needs to get some schooling.
*Someone needs to instruct Tori on vaginal hygiene, and about not putting dirty objects into your pussy.
*There is something weird about calling your BF "Daddy"

Intro-
Enter a barren room with nothing but a brass bed cloaked in black satin sheets and candles. There's a long dark haired buxom beauty undulating for the camera in the bed and I'm thinking, "huh, this could be good..."
Then my bubble burst...
Cut to a dark, candlelit bath with Tori rambling something about her big come-back looking like she's drunk, trying to be witty and cocky (and failing miserably).

Scene 1-
When next we meet Tori she has her tounge, labia and nose pierced and her hair in two-toned. We're in some sort of doctor's office and Tori is babbling about being here to have molds done of her breasts, and "maybe some other stuff, maybe everything" Meanwhile we cut back and forth to clips of her facial expressions while she get's fucked or sucks off cocks. She get's her mold's done, of her HORRIBLE boobs. (I mean they don't even resemble breasts anymore) all the while squealing and laughing (I think she's trying to be cute) about how the alginate is so cold.

Scene 2-
Her friend Tommy just happens to show up to get a mold done of his cock. So of course she sucks him hard, which I have to give her credit for, she did really get into it, and did a nice job. They slip his cock into the mold, and he licks her tits and she plays w/ herself to keep him hard. We get a couple different camera angles going here, over the guys shoulder, from the side, from behind..nice try, but poorly executed. B- for effort.

Before they even clean his cock up Tommy gives Tori get's a 2 second lick and he shoves it in, they fuck on the table. Cut back to vocals of her talking about looking into the camera while she's getting slammed. (I assume this was supposed to be part of her come-back ramblings). She cums when he sucks her ass then gives her a facial which she wipes off her face and into her mouth. There is some nice hugging, chatting and kissing directly after they fuck, which seems genuine and nice to see. As soon as they finish Tori has a freak out, she runs the bathroom and starts washing her face and rambling about how she can't do that, "oh, my God, I just did it on camera and it felt so right." "Fuck them, this is who I am.." etc .
This is very disturbing to watch.

Scene 3-
We're in a bedroom, there's a pile of whips and toys on the floor and Tori seems to be trying each of her toys in turn. Sticking them in her ass and her pussy, then using an athletic vibrator on her clit.
*Sidenote*
I was repulsed to watch her insert a dildo that had just been in her ass, directly into her pussy.
The video and audio in this shot are so pathetic it's hardly worth watching, most of what you hear is loud noises from camera rubbing against the carpet, the audio is dark and again filled with static. It looks worse than many amateur video's I've seen. At the end of this scene there is an odd little clip of 2 glowing wands stretching her pussy open so you can see her vaginal walls. I had to rewind twice to figure out just what I was looking at, lol. Interesting but a little weird.

Scene 4
Apparently one of Tori's fantasy's was to wear a blind fold and suck anonymous men's dicks. So we see Tori in a living room(?) with a blindfold on and a walkman (that's playing) around her neck (why!?). First shot, her gagging and choking on a penis, split screen for a moment we get to see her face and her ass at the same time while she's being fucked. This entire scene is a hodgepodge of angles, there is no theme and there are weird spots of slo moe thrown in. Most of the scene we get to watch with a rope or something hanging down in front of the camera and listen to men off camera saying lovely things like "suck that dick" and "you're a slut aren't you".

Cut back to her rambling again in the bath, then on to...

Scene 5
Tori is having drinks with her "boyfriend"(?) and another couple in an apartment. They're discussing the industry, Tori's past partners and sexual experiences. (this part is hard to follow due to poor audio and the men talking off camera.) Cut in scenes from Tori and this blonde gal (Kaitlyn Ashley?) meeting at an award ceremony. Tori and the blonde start kissing (very convincing) and it turns into a threesome when the blondes BF joins in. (I assume Tori's BF was the camera man) At this point it is really obvious that they are all bombed. The G/G portion of this was pretty good, they seemed to really enjoy themselves.
*Sidenote*
This chick had one of the longest dangly labia I have ever seen!
The blondes BF, was just too hot and heavy to get his cock into his GF. He laid over the top of his GF and interrupted the fun, he should have hung back and let Tori and her have a little more fun first.

Tori has a habit of not really paying attention, three things illustrated this to me in this scene alone. At one point she has a cigarette in her hand while she is being finger fucked, another time, a drink in her hand while she is being eaten, then finally, she holds a conversation with the camera man while she is being played with. It just really stretches my imagination that she is really thrilled by what she's feeling is she is pre-occupied.

Scene 6-
The first part of this scene is partially obstructed by some anonymous object in front of the camera. Tori is blindfolded again and sucking the cocks of two men in a bedroom. It's very difficult to see what's happening as the camera is jostled all over the place, Tori's head is in the way of the shot, and there is no light.
We move on to some vanilla sex, then some anal then finally to him jacking her off with a dildo and the athletic massager again.

The End, But Not Really-
Here we meet Tori in a bathroom and the cameraman is "interviewing her" about how she feels about him releasing the "private stuff" from 9 years ago. (I assume this is what I was just tortured with). Tori seems to be a little bit more lucid, and looks better but it's very hard to tell as the shot is blurred, the camera is jumping all around and the entire shot is looking into the mirror.

Extras-
Photo Gallery-20 Pictures of beautiful womyn with really bad boob jobs. (Is this the studio girls go to work for when their plastic surgeon's screw up!?)

Hidden Tracks-
Track 1-Hardcore
OMG! Do not go there!
A sampling of what you're not missing;
*A hefty looking black womyn being fucked.
O.K, what's so awful about that?
She doesn't move! The entire shot is her staring off into space, emulating a corpse or a doll I'm not sure which.
*A long haired greasy looking white man fucking a pierced and particularly unattractive black womyn.
*2, 55+ washed out white womyn being banged by balding men.
*Nasty old (60+) white womyn being fucked by a young man.
*A nasty old looking womyn(?) with her wig falling off, sucking off a black man.

These seemed like a collection of dredged up shit that never sold and I really wish they had left it in the trash where it belonged.

Track 2-Softcore
Did you really expect me to go there after seeing the hardcore? Please..have some mercy.

I hate to be mean, but this was really sad. There are glimpses of when Tori was a beautiful womyn, but this is not even a marginal representation of her. The terrible quality of the A/V didn't help. My suggestion? Don't waste your money, you'd do better pirating the cable.