Private: Cumshot de Luxe 2 Review

The First Word: For sperm lovers, there's no question that Private is among the best at glorifying the cumshot.   Does this volume of compiled ejaculations rise above the rest in this fetish genre?  And can I relate this jizzflick to Stanley Kubrick?  (You bet I can!)

What's It About?: Each of the 12 segments in this compilation DVD shares the same format, each featuring one of Private's stars.  They begin with a short introduction by Private's soft-spoken narrator with short clips of non-nude footage of the girl running while the narrator extols her passion for sex and other PR bullshit.  Then the hardcore clips begin -- the preamble to the c- shots is very fast, with a high-energy soundtrack, MTV-style quick cuts, and pervasive, dubbed moaning.  There's a lot of hardcore action over several minutes, ranging from oral to vaginal to anal, but the edits are so fast that it's just a X-rated blur.

Then the cum begins to fly as six or seven different "endings" are shown, both in full speed and in slow motion.  For many of the slo-mo shots, Private has digitally zoomed, cropped, and presented a part of the picture in black and white.  Each of these cumshot sequences are no more than a minute each, and most are quite short. After all of the cumshots are completed, the video goes back and shows a few seconds of the post-cum action of all of the scenes, mostly involving some additional sucking or cum- swapping. 

What I liked: Some pretty decent facials: Like I said, Private is really good at capturing facials:  the girls are always looking at the camera and smiling as jet after jet of sperm splatter on their faces.  If you can get over the annoying slow motion replays and dubbed moaning and groaning, there are some truly classic cumshots.  On this disc, one of the facials with Inga is a masterpiece: long, creamy, and dripping -- it almost overcomes my general dislike for c-shot compilations.

It's better than practically all other studio's reels: Well, that's not saying much, since I find just above every cumshot tape to be really disappointing since quantity is obviously more important than quality (or volume).  It takes a lot of 15 second shots to fill a 90 minute or 2 hour "Gigantic Loads" tape.  Fortunately, Private has chosen to focus this DVD around 12 girls, showing multiple cumshots on each one.  The additional hardcore montage and narrated introduction is a welcome touch, although it's not something that you can easily get off to..

What I didn't like: Creative effects: I don't know about you, but I'm perfectly capable of spotting an orgasming penis, especially when it's pointing at a wide open mouth.  I don't really see the need to crop the frame, zoom in, and play the shot over in slow motion (and often in black & white)..

Frantic pace of hardcore introduction: I would have enjoyed the intros that proceed each string of cumshots if they were more lingering.  The blizzard of cuts, often only a few seconds each, makes for a better trailer (or something to put on the telly during your neighborhood swingers party) than masturbatory material.  If the aim was to get you worked up to the main event, Private needs to get some new fluffers.

Some of the c-shots are really lame: While most of the shots are nice to watch, there are more than a few that are nothing but filler.  Weak loads, ones that are off target, or simply just look boring.  Considering how many scenes each of these A-List girls have done for Private, I would have thought there would have been enough to be a little more selective.

DVD Extras: I was disappointed in the extras on this disc:  a photo gallery and a handful of trailers (which are getting more and more brief as times goes on).  The filmographies of each of the girls was nice, but I really expected more.   After all, this DVD has a running time that's a lot shorter than most Private releases, and it has less value added content.  A bonus scene or two would have been welcome.

A/V Quality: Video quality on this one is mediocre according to Private standards.  Perhaps that has to do with the artsy editing or with the use of older footage -- either way, it doesn't measure up to Private's feature DVDs.  But then again, maybe it doesn't matter, since it's a cumshot compilation, and most people aren't looking for video masterpieces when watch splooge.  Be prepared to adjust the volume for every scene, since the narration is soft and quiet (volume up) and the looped moaning and beating music is orders of magnitude louder (where's that fucking remote?!?!).

The Last Word: Although I enjoy facials, I have never really been in to the specialty cumshot compilations.  Unless you have the control of a viper or the staying power of a jackrabbit, they are very difficult to get off to.  And they tend to be a turn-off in most romantic situations.  With that said, I think that this DVD is a cut above the field, but still only gets an above average overall because of the frantic MTV-like editing and effects.  I'm sure that if Stanley Kubrick were alive to remake his classic A Clockwork Orange, then this DVD would definitely be part of the brainwashing regimen because of the non-stop pace and ultra-hardcore content.  Not my chasha of chai but if it's yours, then kupet a copy, my malchick.

- Saki ( saki@my.adultdvdtalk.com)