Pretty As They Cum Review

It’s a few years now since Jules Jordan split from Evil Angel to set up his own Production Company, Jules Jordan Video, but despite their being six directors under his umbrella, until now I had only watched movies by Erik Everhard or Jules himself. I therefore decided to put this right recently by picking up a couple of titles from Chris Streams and one from Mike John. I thus had few preconceptions going into this movie, although a cast that features the likes of Jenna Haze, Alexis Texas, Tori Black and Elektra Blue can’t help but get any porn hound a little excited.

When reviewing a flick I often hop straight into the chapter index, but on this occasion I wanted to view the opening credits in order to give me an idea of Chris’s style, as well as getting a glimpse of the delights that awaited me. What we have at first is a very stylistic, almost Playmate of the Year, view of the girls dressed in all their finery, but soon enough, the action cuts in and I could relax in the knowledge, that however glamorous these girls looked, they weren’t adverse to getting down and dirty.

We open with the new Buttwoman, Alexis Texas, dressed in a pink bra, white suspenders and heels, but no panties. Chris treats us to about ten minutes of tease beginning with some soft focus panning of Alexis’s awesome body and then gradually progressing to Alexis penetrating herself with a dildo. I have to admit that I fast forwarded through a little of this, but it was still enjoyable.

Anyway, for those who are desperate for some action, Steve Perry arrives, and the sensuousness of the scene continues as Alexis kisses his chest and lips before taking his prick in her soft mouth. Steve then returns the favour by giving’s Alexis’s holes a good clean with his tongue, before a top moment in any Alexis scene, as she climbs aboard Steve for a cowgirl ride. Alexis jiggles that big old ass of hers fo all she is worth and Chris treats us to some great angles, as Alexis offers up her cleavage for Steve’s mouth.

After some more amazing head from Alexis, during which she uses plenty of spit on Steve’s shaft and balls, the action moves to spoon, with some great full body shots that provide all the proof that is needed that this girl is far from all butt. This is a great spoon sequence, with a few subtle changes in position allowing some great views of Alexis’s body. Alexis removes her heels to give Steve a foot job before she climbs back onto his dick for a squatting reverse-cowgirl where she almost breaks Steve’s prick. That ass is then back centre stage as Alexis bends over for a doggie pounding on the couch, interspirsed with some dick licking. The scene ends with Alexis dropping to her knees and asking Steve to drop his load on her face, which of course, he proceeds to do.

This is a hot opening sequence, with great energy and with Alexis looking as hot as I’ve ever seen her. There was great camerawork from Chris, with each position showing off Alexis’s amazing body to its maximum.

Alexis 9.0
Scene 9.0

I can’t get enough of Tori Black since I first saw her in Smash Pictures’ Secretary’s Day 2 . This girl is very beautiful, but since that film she has matured as a performer and always puts plenty of energy into her scenes. Here, Tori looks like she has just walked out of the pages of a glamour magazine, dressed in a black teddy, G string, black suspenders and heels. Tori does a sensuous strip for us, showing off her fantastic booty, and uses a black dildo on her pussy.

Keeping with the elegant theme, the centrepiece for the scene is a grand piano, and Tori sits on top and spreads her legs so that Mark can eat her pussy. Great shots of the Tori’s reactions to the oral, before its onto the piano stool for some missionary, with Tori providing plenty of dirty commentary.

Tori has a unique style of giving head, using plenty of spit and working her tongue along the whole shaft like she is eating a particularly expensive dessert. Back to the raw sex now however, as Tori is pumped in standing doggie against the piano with her legs together and then with legs spread with her head on the stool. Tori has a wonderfully tight, round butt, that reminds me of Jenna Haze, and Chris gives us a great view of Tori’s butt as she squats down in cowgirl and then leans forward so that Mark can really bang her hole and slap her cheeks. We stay on the floor for some brief, frantic spoon, before Tori does some excellent deep throat while the lucky fuck, Mark lies on his back. Back to spoon, this time with Mark in the seated position before the scene ends with a big splash of cum on Tori’s tongue.

God Tori looks awesome during the scene. I think That I could get off just watching this girl eat breakfast (does that make me a serial pervert?). Great energy from Tori and I particularly enjoyed the standing doggie and the awesome cowgirl segments.

Tori 9.5
Scene 9.0

Another girl who could be mistaken for having just walked off the pages of a glamour magazine is ADT’s very own, Jenna Haze, and she looks awesome as always, dressed here in a blue basque, long gloves and stockings and suspenders. This scene is somewhat of a collectors’ item for Jenna fans, as although she has performed plenty of anal during her seven year career, this is only her fourth DP scene. No prizes for guessing the other three without looking it up on the IAFD.

Chris treats us to some jaw dropping shots of Jenna’s little ass, before the Michael and Tony arrive and the dirty talk from Jenna begins. Jenna does a great job of getting off both guys with her mouth, hands and words and of course, she looks damn sexy doing it. Michael can’t even wait to take his pants off before we cut to Jenna riding on his manhood in reverse-cowgirl while berating Tony for not having his cock in her mouth. Our first views of that awesome ass now, as Jenna is fucked in doggie by Toni while giving Michael head, and Chris really captures the action really well from a number of different angles. The guys then switch before Jenna shakes her money maker on Tony’s cock in cowgirl.

The anal exploration begins with a hot looking RCA, and what is particularly erotic is the way in which Jenna works it slowly into her ass and trades banter with Michael. The side saddle anal may have you blowing your load before we get to the sandwich but if you can hold back like a pro then you can witness Jenna working her tiny body on two stiffs and really seeming to enjoy it as only Jenna can. A DP scene wouldn’t be complete however, without a reverse DP and Chris doesn’t disappoint as Jenna’s tiny frame is skewerd again, before the scene ends with a double dose of nut juice on Jenna’s face.

I haven’t seen even an average scene starring Jenna this year, and this was no exception. Well shot throughout, and Jenna was at her vocal best.

Jenna 9.5
Scene 9.0

Disc two kicks off with Shyla Styles, and while I’m not really fan of Pamela Anderson, big busted blondes, I must admit that Shyla looks really hot here in black bra, panties and hold up stockings. After about fifteen minutes of tease, a little too long if you ask me, Marco, dressed in a smart jacket and shirt, appears and the action commences with some tender kissing and caressing, before our buxom blonde drops to her knees to give Marco some quality head. Marco returns the favour before lifting Shyla into a flying cowgirl leading to an energetic cowgirl with awesome shots of Shyla working her pelvis on Marco’s prick. The action now moves to missionary and then an all too brief spoon, with great full body shots. The position roulette continues a pace as we now switch to doggie before Marco moves seamlessly into doggie anal, with some nice shots of gaping as Shyla holds open her cheeks.

If you like to watch girls get fucked hard in RCA, as I happen to, then you will love this segment as Marco really rams her sphincter while Shlya finger fucks her hole. Spoon anal looks equally awesome however, as again Marco really slams gives Shyla’s ass a working over. The scene concludes with a cum shot on Shyla’s willing tongue.

Fans of Shyla will really dig this scene as she really takes a hard anal pounding. My only critique would be lighting for the scene which was a little over harsh at times.

Shyla 9.0
Scene 9.0

Alektra Blue had been one of the highlights of my recent review of Roller Dollz , and so I was really looking forward to her scene, particularly when I realised that her ass was about to be stuffed for our viewing pleasure. Alektra, dressed in a flowery bra and panties set, strips slowly and seductively for the camera and reveals a shiny butt plug strategically placed in her ass. Michael Stefano, whom I haven’t seen for many a year, is the lucky prick who gets a characteristically energetic blow from Alektra on the balcony. Its then inside for some nifty footwork from Alektra before Alektra sits on a stool and Michael fucks her in standing missionary.

There is more oral work from Alektra now, including a tit wank, before its back to the stool for a hot looking standing doggie and then onto the floor so that Michael can really penetrate her pussy. Alektra then diddles a few fingers up her ass before Michael begins pistoning away at her brown eye. Elektra provides some eager ass to mouth now, before my favourite position of the scene as Elektra is fucked in standing doggie, with great shots of penetration as Elektra hols open her sphincter with her hands. The anal assault continues, but this time in the spoon position and then missionary, where Michael really gives Alektra’s ass a hammering. Chris now gets all artistic on us as Alektra plays with herself while Michael goes to the other side of a glass wall and teases Elektra with his cock. Following this strange interlude we have some more cock sucking from Alektra before a flying cowgirl (pussy) and then some lengthy oral leading to a swallowed facial.

This was another decent scene from Chris but despite the anal, my favourite parts were the shots of Alektra’s beautiful face giving head.

Alektra 9.0
Scene 9.0

Angelina Valentine and Tory Lane, are two well-endowed brunettes, dressed to please in suspenders and wearing ball masks covering their eyes. Both girls take turns on Mark’s prick but soon enough we have every man’s fantasy of two tongues on the one cock as they work his shaft and balls. The girls remove their masks and Tory’s meaty ass takes centre stage as she bounces on Mark in cowgirl in her characteristic aggressive manner while showing an equal interest in Angelina’s pussy.

Angelina now gets her turn and is screwed in doggie by Mark before Tory kneels down beside her so that Mark can do the same to her. Angelina then gets fucked in missionary, while Tory provides oral refreshment to Mark before Tory sits astride Angelina and is fucked from behind. The highlight is perhaps the reverse-cowgirl of Angelina while Tory sits on Mark’s face as we are treated to some good floor shots of Angelina’s floppy breasts. Tory is no mean rider also and she rides Mark to the edge before he deposits his load in Angelina’s waiting mouth which she then generously shares with her companion.

I didn’t really care for this scene that much. The girls, although both hot, looked too similar, the sex was a little too frantic, but what bothered me most was the bright lighting that made the whole scene difficult to watch and which gave proceedings an unreal feel to them.

Tory 8.5
Angelina 8.5
Scene 8.0

EXTRAS

Unusually, the extras are split between the two discs but feature the usual selection of photo gallery, cum shot recap, cast list, trailers and BTS. In an extensive Behind the Scenes, which was a little too flabby for its own good, we discover that Alexis has a bruise on her ass from too much spanking and enjoys playing basketball, Tori Black likes giving head, and that this was only Jenna’s fourth DP in a seven year career. On disc two, Chris makes a deal with Shyla for an internal scene, and Rebecca Linares turns up on set.

Other extras include the usual trailers, cast list, photo gallery and cum shot recap.

CONCLUSION

Chris has brought together an excellent cast, but more than that, he makes them look elegant, glamorous and desirable, paying particular attention to their lingerie, a nice change from the fashion of a few years ago in gonzo to ‘dress’ the girls in garish mesh tops. In fact, as he admits in BTS, Chris is aiming for the Penthouse Pet look, and indeed this is both the strength and weakness of the movie. While its undeniable that the girls look great, my own view is that Chris wasted too much time in showing the girls in soft focus at the beginning of each scene, and many viewers, myself included, will simply fast forward to the action after a few minutes. Once we got to the action however, Chris proved himself to be an able director, with some excellent angles and plenty of lingering full body shots. In fact, the only downside to the directing was the fact that on occasions, and particularly with the final scene, the scene was too bright and things became difficult to see.

There is a nice balance between anal and non anal scenes on the disc, and a good variety of women to please most viewers, and I would recommend this disc to couples and / or gonzo newbies who should appreciate the patient build-ups. All in all, I enjoyed a lot of this, and Chris should be commended for developing his own style that I think will appeal to a lot of people out there.

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