Rocco e i magnifici 7

Century

If I was to suggest the whimsical “western” music that features throughout Rocco e I Magnifici 7 is actually more memorable than any of the action it accompanies, that might just give an indication of the quality of this spaghetti western. This really is a poor movie, blighted by dire direction, abysmal acting, desperate dubbing and execrable editing.

The good…

It starts misleadingly well, with a montage of sepia-toned “wanted” posters introducing the cast, but when you notice that the number 7 has been somehow left off the title – that’s right, they have got the main title of the movie wrong - one gets the distinct impression that someone doesn’t really care that much. While the dusty wooden township set might appear convincing and the costumes may largely be appropriate (save for the odd pair of nylon stockings) a general feeling of half-heartedness pervades almost every other aspect of the movie.

For example, consider the “story”…let’s say that while most porn viewers accept paltry plotting and skeletal storyline as part of the territory (though whether we should do is another matter entirely), to take this sad effort even vaguely seriously would be a waste of your time and mine. So I won’t, although I get the distinct feeling I’ve already given it more credence than it deserves. Yes, that bad.

...the bad…

Okay, so the story is terrible but now I’m going to tell you about the hot sex and the gorgeous girls, right? Think again. Things are lacking in this department too, I am afraid. Again, there’s a deceptively promising start with Roberto Malone virtually typecast as a sweaty bandit, treating Missy to a fairly rough ride, with some tit slaps and robust anal feeling appropriate to the rough and ready setting. ’Orrible old Roberto even mixes his spit with his come and laps it off Missy’s face to conclude the crudeness.

Sadly, after this not even Rocco can bring some much needed verve to the ensuing sex scenes that feature a number of the regulars (Eva Falk, Ursula Moore) from mid-90s European porn in some remarkably repetitive and boring action. The only sparkle is in the eyes of Spanish star Maria De Sanchez – even Rocco is but a shadow of himself.

..and the ugly

To be honest, maybe it’s not really the fault of the actors. Maybe the blame should be directed at the director, the late Joe D’Amato, RIP. This is not one of his most auspicious efforts – and that’s saying something - as he routinely fails to coax decent performances from his cast or crew. Leaden pacing and stilted camerawork give it a decidedly “old school” vibe, and some bizarre editing decisions, most irritating of which are cuts using that annoying formula of interjecting a totally extraneous exterior shot between sex positions, e.g. we show the viewer the doggy position, we show ’em the saddle shop – we show ’em the anal sex…you get the picture.

It’s all shot on dull, grainy film and even features some phenomenally bad effects in an outstandingly unsuccessful attempt to create the illusion that the final, supposedly climactic sex scene is happening in a desert sand storm. That could be Rocco, Missy and Maria in there, but to be honest, by this stage you won’t really care.

Utterly lacking in redeeming qualities – not even in the “so bad it’s funny” department – this is a miserable attempt. Just how the broad, brash and bold tradition of western cinema could be reduced to such mean, unimaginative drivel is beyond me. Rocco e i magnifici 7 was released in the US as Outlaws, via Sin City, with a sequel to follow, but while this might explain the uncertain conclusion, I certainly have no desire to find out.

DVD Comments
It’s quite fitting that EPM have matched the inferior quality of the movie with a substandard DVD edition – no extras, mediocre picture quality and a box cover illustrated with scenes that don’t even appear in the movie. It’s a cheap package for a cheap movie (if you must, the Sin City version should be available under $10) and it’s not recommended on any level.