New Weapons Of Masturbation Review

The New Weapons of Masturbation

Studio: Vivid

Stars: Mercedez, Ann Marie, Sunrise Adams, Tawny Roberts, Briana Banks, Lezley Zen, Savanna Samson, Nicole Sheridan, Asia Carrera, Dayton Rains, Jewell Marceau, Tiffany Mason, Bella Starr, Haley Paige, Chennin Blanc, Dee, Olivia Saint, Jessica, Summer Fields, April Flowers, Kelly Kline, Dana Vespoli, Alexis Amore, Jade Marcela, Keisha, Nikki, Isabella, Trevor Zen, Dale DaBone

Running time: Approximately 3 hours, 35 minutes

Ever see videos where--even if the content doesn't really get you off, you can see that the people who made it actually spent time and effort making a quality product? Then sometimes you videos which are the equivalent of a college term paper written 2 hours before it's due? This that college term paper of porn. My challenge here is to try to spend less effort writing this review than went into making this DVD.

The good stuff first: It's slighly over 3 and a half hours long, so there's plenty of it. It's a compilation of scenes and they've been stripped down to the core, so there's no plot, no setups--just action from end-to-end. There are also some fine looking women here. Vivid does manage to attract the beauties.

But the drawbacks are layered deep here. It begins when you pop the video in--you're forced to watch commercials--five minutes of commercials, good luck trying to maintain an erection during that. That just puts me in a foul mood, and kills any horniness I may have had going in. Seriously, people: I don't mind ads, and I will watch some of them, but put them in the Extras where I can choose to watch. If I'm forced to watch them at the beginning, I'm going to use your DVD for skeet shooting. I certainly won't buy any more.

Next is that the package is misleading, at least IMO. It's called "New Weapons of Masturbation" and the box art is full of girls with dildos. That is included inside, but really this is just a "all in a bucket with eggs on top" porn compilation. Masturbation is included but I wouldn't say it's even featured.

Really, as mentioned earlier, it's just a compilation of clips from other Vivid titles--whatever they swept up off the floor. Interspersed with more advertisements. There are twenty scenes--easily noted since all 20 of them are on the main menu with thumbnails that are so small they're worthless. If you want to find something again (as if you would ever watch this more than once), you need to remember which scene number it is.

I would include a list of scenes and descriptions, but that would be too much effort.

Special Features: Photo gallery (not very good) and trailers

Production values: suck. Video quality varies from decent to downright crappy, and often looks like old video transfers. Along with the single menu and the tiny thumbnails, chapter stops only jump between scenes. The whole thing looks it was made with the sole criteria of being as cheap and fast as possible.

I would include screen caps, but that would be too much effort.

Final verdict: A real pisser of a DVD. It could have been 1,000% better with not much effort. This compilation of sex scenes from various movies have some great performers and a lot of variety. But it's marred by uneven quality, any-effort-is-too-much DVD production, IMO a misleading title and box art, and intrusive commercials. An incredible waste of time.