Kinky Couple Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  5/22/2005

NOTE: This is an amateur video. Amateur and homemade movies don’t have the budget nor the resources of studio porn, and therefore rarely get close to the same quality technically. I’m rating this DVD on the same scale, but most homemade or amateur features would rarely make it above a 3 on the standard scale I use for studio porn for their technical aspects. The performers also aren’t normally the ‘glamour stars’ one expects from studio porn, and instead use people who look like somebody you might encounter in your day to day life. Finally, the camera work has a different feel, as it’s often shot from a tripod or with somebody who doesn’t have the technical training or experience of professional cameramen. That said, amateur and homemade features have a great charm to them, simple because the people in them are doing what they’re doing to have fun and because they enjoy it. All the things that separate them from studio porn contribute to that charm, I hope people will keep that in mind when checking out this review and not just look at the ratings as the ultimate word on this release. Since the technical aspects are normally lacking and there normally isn’t much for extras in amateur features, I’ve weighted my overall rating more heavily towards the sex than I do in most studio porn.

The Little Details

Running Time: 85 min. (website description states over 90 min.)

Production Date: June 27, 2001

Director: None credited

Cast: A blonde and her boyfriend

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Hal Maroon has been fairly hit or miss for me. I’m not quite sure what to expect.

Initial Reaction: It’s one of the best arguments I’ve seen in a long time that no, not just anybody can make a porno.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody wanting extreme close-ups

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting passionate sex

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are pretty average for homemade porn. The audio is balanced okay and has a few background noises. The camera work has a bit of shake and grain, as well as a few shadows. This is a pretty normal amateur movie for technical aspects.

Music: None

Menus: The menus are okay. The main menu is simple, but does have a bit of generic animation that helps it out slightly. The chapter menu is fairly basic, and lets you choose a segment based on a still from each segment.

The Feature

Kinky Couple captures a blonde and her boyfriend as they play around. There’s no real theme to the movie, but it’s split up into seven different segments.

Scene 1 - A blonde and her boyfriend

The blonde starts things out letting her boyfriend take a few naked pictures of her. She rolls around and plays with herself a bit while he snaps pictures with his digital camera. She gives him a little hell while rolling around, and the scene ends without anything really happening.

This segments starts the movie off plenty slow. The video camera seems to be just set off on a tripod, and there’s a lot of the scene where you can’t even see the blonde’s head. She shows off a bit of attitude, and I can’t say that it made the scene have a fun opening.

Scene 2 - A blonde and her boyfriend

The blonde goes right to work mouthing her man’s manhood in the second scene. She’s almost completely silent as she sucks and strokes him, and she remains completely focused on sucking cock. She never looks up and never mixes in any dirty talk, but she does take a decent pop on the forehead.

This scene didn’t do anything for me. The blonde looks like she’s into sucking cock okay, but she seems to think that she’ll be smitten from the face of Midgard by the Hammer of Thor if she ever stops focusing on anything other than her man’s pubes. The camera work doesn’t help anything either, and is so tight that it’s rare to even see half of the top of the girl’s head. Heck, when she backs off to take a breath or say something there’s even an editing cut to not break the lack of mood. The best thing about this segment was the pop because it meant that it was about to end.

Scene 3 - A blonde and her boyfriend

The blonde gives her man a handjob next while only wearing a pair of jean shorts. She starts out watching the camera while looking bored and then turns around to focus on her man while continuing to stroke his cock. It looks like she gives him a smile or two, but mostly continues to look bored. Finally, he pops on her hand.

I’d say that this scene was about as exciting as watching paint dry, but there’s some darn good paint out there that I’d hate to insult. Porn can make some odd thoughts run through people’s minds, but I don’t think they’re supposed to make you wonder what color to repaint your kitchen like this one did for me.

Scene 4 - A blonde

The blonde lies back on the bed with a vibrator for this scene. She holds a plug-in vibrator on her pussy and occasionally lets go with a few smiles as her man snaps away at her with his camera. She seems to get into it now and then, but much of the time she looks like she too might have been wondering what color to repaint my kitchen. She moves on to please herself with a silver vibe, which seems to work better for her, before going back to her first toy. She appears to have a nice orgasm, but the camera cuts it off when it’s half done.

This is only a below average scene. The chick lets go with some nice smiles now and then and does look to get into her play as she goes. As usual the camera makes more noise than she does, and I couldn’t help but think that she could turn out a great masturbation scene if she’d let herself go.

Scene 5 - A blonde

The blonde sits on the edge of the tub and shaves herself for the next scene. She starts things out lathering up her nicely trimmed bush before grabbing her razor. She shaves herself mostly clean before grabbing her spritzer and getting a little water back on her pussy. She goes back to trimming herself up. Finally, she dries herself with a towel.

This was an extreme disappointment for me. The shaving scene was the main reason I picked this one up, and it was a complete disappointment. The boyfriend is more concerned with snapping pictures using his digital camera than with the video camera, and you can barely see any of the shaving due to the camera angle. Once again the girl doesn’t look that into it, and there’s even a comment about “That was interesting” at the end that made it sound like she wasn’t really into it either. This was yet another dud of a scene.

Scene 6 - A blonde and her boyfriend

The couple heads to bed next. The girl starts out stroking the guy vigorously while cuddling up to him so that you can’t really see anything and then rolls away so he can start spooning her. They quickly move on with a bit of doggie before going on with a bit of missionary work. Finally the dud spews his seed on the chick’s stomach.

This is almost an average scene. The girl looks to get into it pretty good, but the camera work leaves everything to be desired once again. There’s plenty of shots that don’t really show anything as well as the guy looking bored out of his gourd. If not for the chick making a little (and I do mean little) noise, this one would have been a complete bomb.

Scene 7 - A blonde and her boyfriend

The chick lies back on the bed to suck cock next. She puts some nice energy into sucking it and moves around to get a couple different angles at it. Finally, she strokes her man all over her face.

This is easily the best scene in the movie. The girl gets into the cocksucking nicely, and the only complaint I think I had about her was that she had no clue on how to use her eyes while sucking cock. Her cluelessness on using her eyes was matched pretty well by the boyfriend’s cluelessness on how to use a camera. This is an okay scene that once again shows some decent potential for the girl.

Scene 8 - A blonde and her boyfriend

The blonde gives her man one last blowjob to close the movie. This time the camera is left alone to capture the action from the side. The girl does a pretty decent job picking up speed as she sucks cock, but as usual keeps her eyes shut tight. Finally, she lets him spew his seed on her forehead.

This is another below average blowjob. The chick mixes things up fairly decently, but more often than not she seems like she’s bored. I’ve seen mannequins show more emotion than her partner does, and I was thankful that the scene finally came to an end. This scene barely did anything for me.

Kinky Couple is one of the worst homemade pornos I’ve seen in a long time. The girl is cute and has a very natural look that gave me hope right away. Unfortunately, her partner seems to be fairly dead from the neck up and down. There was very little care put into the camera placements and it looked like they started shooting this one right after taking it out of the box. The guy is normally more concerned with shooting digital stills of the action that trying to capture his woman on video, and the angles often leave everything to be desired while looking like a very minor tweak would make things much better. Sadly, the action is just as bad with the girl rarely looking like she’s into the action and the couple never looking like they’re even close to kinky. Amateur and homemade movies often show a great charm and passion, and I barely even got a glimpse of that here. Out of nearly an hour and a half of Kinky Couple, I’m not sure there was ten minutes of engaging action.

The Extra Stuff

There’s about seventeen minutes of trailers.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, amateur, tease, oral, handjobs, masturbation, toys, and shaving

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None needed

The Bottom Line:

Currently, HomeSexTapes.com DVDs can be found online for around $20. This was a $2 rental for me, and I’m not quite sure if I got my money’s worth or not. The sex was often boring and very slow. The technical aspects are okay for an amateur movie, but there isn’t much there for extras. This is a pretty average put together amateur DVD.

Note to Hal Maroon : It might be wise to learn how to tell people that you’ll pass on their homemade movies...

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight