Jersey Shore XXX (Taryn It Up / Adam & Eve) Review

Reviewed by Captain Jack  on  3/27/2010

The second parody of the MTV reality series that was quickly made. This one markes the return of Taryn Thomas, who has been out of the game for awhile. The original show was a parody in itself so I’m not sure it needs two porn dedications. Taryn acts as co-producer on the DVD so the original Jersey girl will have her fingerprints all over this one.

Dylan Ryder

The Predicament comes to the house and finds Ronnie (Memphis Blake) and Sammie (Dylan) making out. After a few ‘diary room’ confessions, the action starts to heat up. They get naked and Dylan gets her throat fucked. She rides him hard in reverse cowgirl before getting fucked in mish. She sucks him off and he drops his load on her enhanced tits. Like porn in the ‘70s, this scene lasted about 6 minutes. Much too short and not much memorable about it.

Taryn Thomas

Up next is Snookie having a conversation with the Predicament (John Espezido)…something about having electrolysis done on her ‘hoo hah’. The dialogue was mercifully short before Taryn got down to what she does best. She looked ridiculous in her big wig but she gave him a sloppy blowjob before they got down to business. She gets pounded in mish, reverse cowgirl and spoon. The backing music drowned out most of what she was saying as she stayed in character throughout the scene. She stroked off on her face and Taryn blew a couple of cum bubbles.

Veronica Rayne

There’s a lame dance club scene, the jist of which was that Wow J (Veronica) and Paulie (Johnny Castle) were going to hook up. They head to the bedroom and Johnny takes off her little black dress. She was the best proportioned girl in the house and Johnny immediately went for her delicious ass and ate her out from behind. She deep throated his cock complete with the usual gagging sounds. She got boned in mish, reverse spoon and spoon before he dropped a load on her pussy.

Angelina Aspen, Taryn Thomas

Snookie gets woken up by Angelina rubbing one out with a vibrator. One thing leads to another and Taryn goes muff-diving. Some close in shots of tongues tasting pussy and rubbing clits but it was a quick scene that went nowhere. Nothing too exciting about it and it lasted about 6 minutes. Good opportunity to fast forward to get through this thing.

Angelina Aspen

Angelina, wearing a sexy metallic bikini, and Vinny (TJ Cummings) were talking outside about some nonsense. The dialogue was painful and muffled but it was quickly ended when they started making out. TJ fingered and tasted her pussy before Angelina got her first taste of cock. TJ held her head all the way down on his cock for the best blowjob of the movie. Angelina got pounded in cowgirl, spoon and reverse cowgirl before she got a load sprayed all over her face.

Taryn Thomas, Veronica Rayne

The girls start making out at a club before taking it home. By this time I forgot, and didn’t care, what characters they were even playing. They diddle each other before John Espezedo interrupts them. They share his cock orally before he bangs both the guidettes. All the performers looked like they wanted this thing to end, as did I. He gave them facials and the girls shared the cum as the scene faded.

SPECIAL FEATURES

The “bunch of extra shit” only included “check out pix of stuff” and “creep on da freakin’ web” (which is just the website for this DVD). The boxcover promised “exclusive behind the scenes footage” but none was found within.

SUMMARY

A very poorly and quickly done porn parody. Why even attempt to make something like this if your heart isn’t in it? You can skip this one and not even regret seeing Taryn Thomas (of which I am (was?) a fan). Like the original series, this one will be forgotten after 5 minutes. 88 minutes for 6 sex scenes? They can’t even get that right.