Jailbait (Red Light District) Review

Reviewed by The Fly Is Open  on  3/9/2005

This is my first time writing a DVD review. It may be the first of many; it may be the last time I submit anything to this site. Either way, an introduction is warranted. I'm a college student at a university of questionable prestige in the vicinity of a major Southeastern city. Women make up only 20% of my school's student body, and the reputation of the male students is that we're not boyfriend material. Therefore, as with minimal prospects of a relationship at the moment and my youthful sex drive, I watch some porn. I'm reluctant to say a lot, as I don't know what other people's porn watching habits are.
My own porn tastes have little to do with the kinds of acts that happen on the screen. It seems like almost anything can arouse me depending on the talent involved. Whether I think they are attractive, whether they show enthusiasm, whether they appear to enjoy what they are doing on screen. With good talent, anything can be hot, even things that I might have thought were completely revolting before. Not to say that I don't have my own preferences.
As for this review, and the reviews that may come in the future, my approach is to write about it in my own perspective, and not take anything too seriously. Porn is a subject matter that a reviewer has no shortage of opportunities to make fun of it. I have no delusions about what I see in a movie; it's entertainment, it's fantasy. I know that what happens in real life bears little resemblance to what happens in a movie, so I watch it with an open mind and a sense of humor.
From the opening montage, you know that Jailbait is not a disc for the weak. The credits appear in a distinctly juvenile text, which fall to the bottom of the screen like a stack of blocks. A familiar lullaby whose words I don’t remember plays in the background. Black and white, innocent-looking images of the movie’s stars fade in and out. Of course, this quickly segues into clips of the same girls being roughed up to the tune of blaring guitar metal. The message is clear: there’s nothing sweet about this movie. Of course, with a title like Jailbait, you probably were already aware of that coming in.
To make a quick synopsis of Jailbait’s central premise, this movie focuses upon Erik Everhard and his buddies’ search for teenage pussy. The movie offers up various scenarios to show how they achieve their objective. As a plot device, most of these don’t work at all, but on the other hand, their absurdity left me laughing uncontrollably. So, I guess the intros do serve some purpose.

SCENE 1: Melissa Lauren
Melissa Lauren stars in the first scene. She’s walking down the sidewalk carrying her books, presumably because the high school principal sent her home for wearing six-inch heels, a skirt that does nothing to hide her thong-clad ass, and a top that looks like it was caught in a weedwhacker. She looks hot, of course, but that still doesn’t mean it’s a completely ridiculous ensemble.
Meanwhile, Erik and John Strong are being driven around town, looking for unsuspecting schoolgirls to fuck on camera. They spot Melissa, turn around, and the picture fades to black. Ten minutes later, as the caption says, we find Ms. Lauren on her knees, ankles tied up, with a ball gag around her neck. There’s no longer any need for the gag, after all, as our two protagonists have their cocks out to do the job. Obviously, there was some sort of abduction scene that the powers unseen did not want us to see, but what can you do?
Now, I know two things about Melissa Lauren: she's French, and she likes it rough. There's not enough of the former in this scene. I love her accent, but I didn't hear it too much. "Oh, yeah" and "Fuck" don't really sound different in a foreign accent. The voice of a girl like her is enough to get me hard, so it disappoints me when most of what she says is either generic or gibberish.
She does get it pretty rough here, though. John and Erik have their way with all of her holes here, with a lot of wild oral, vag, and anal. There's a lot of ass to mouth, DPs, and face slapping in this opening scene, culminating in the ball gag A2M which is certain to become a classic display of 21st century nastiness. It doesn't stay in her mouth too long before the guys decide it would be better filled by their cum. She swallows, and they kick her out.
France has this symbol called the Marianne, a young woman who is the epitome of French youth and vitality, whose bust is seen in all the town halls and government buildings in France. There should be a complement to the Marianne that is a bust of Melissa with a load of cum on her face: a tribute to Gallic sluttiness. Grade: A-

SCENE 2: Kat
I love Latinas. I can't pinpoint it, but Latin girls usually just make my blood boil. And Kat is so damn cute! So tiny and innocent-looking, with the braces and all, and is up for whatever these porn guys throw her way. It's almost too much!
In the next scene, we see Steve Holmes lamenting the day without work. A knock is heard at the door. Is it John? No! It’s Kat, in a blue top that clearly shows her nipples, looking for donations for her cheerleading squad! As all high school girls do when at a house occupied by creepy old men, she lets herself in. While Erik goes upstairs to look for change, the most awkward silence ever recorded occurs between Kat and Steve before she asks if he has any cash to spare, leading to another painfully awkward silence, which is finally broken when Steve announces that he has no money on him. Trying to be persistent, Kat asks what Steve does for a living. He declares that he is a porn actor who is paid $700 to fuck girls like her. Of course, he’ll fuck her for no fee to help her cause. That’s like a $700 gift right there! Steve’s cock and Kat’s tits come out, and the action begins, with plenty of gagging to spare.
Erik comes down to see the young solicitor on her knees in front of Steve’s cock. Not wanting to be left out, he gives her the logic that the both of them is equivalent to $1400. For the good of the squad, Kat agrees. After a short blowjob, the two take turns in Kat’s pussy in doggy, Steve getting sucked later on. Man, this girl has very active saliva glands. She's drooling over everything!
After several minutes, what do you know, John comes home, and suddenly the donation stands at $2100. The group goes upstairs, and the real action begins. DPs that turn into airtights, gapes, A2Ms, A2Ps more gagging, and the glorious Standing DP: just picking the girl up like a bag of groceries and going to town. The trio get to have Kat all for themselves for the popshots.
I am not an advocate for human cloning, but the world would be a better place if we all had a replica of Kat in every home. Imagine, a world where everyone had their own 4'11" Mexican dynamo for their own pleasure. Grade: A

SCENE 3: Vanilla
Man, I don't get this whole airbrush thing. It's tacky, it's trashy, it's a bad idea. And foam mesh hats. Those things scrape off your scalp, why would anyone want to wear them?
Well, this next girl does. Then again, she 19, still follows her father everywhere, and can't even go into the convenience store with him for smokes in a bad neighborhood. Who knows what's going on upstairs with this girl? I'm not impressed with her look, either: it's just too plain. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing that stands out, either.
With that, Erik and the gang are on the prowl again. They spot her on the sidewalk, and it takes very little to convice her to get in their backseat with Steve. You're right, boys, she is stupid. At least we learn why Steve wears those dorky short shorts.
They reach their destination, and the hat is the first thing to know. You know, more difficult to grab onto while skull-fucking. I actually prefer the monstrosity; her hair has too many streaks. Anyway, if you've seen the first two scenes, you know what is coming next: multiple blowjobs, anal, A2Ms, with some fun with a desk chair in between. She doesn't do any double penetrations, though, and she finishes with a triple cumshot that she has trouble swallowing.
I can't say too much about this scene. It just didn't thrill me. The girl didn't do anything for me, and after that, I began losing interest. I'm sure that many others will think this scene was awesome, but I'm not one of them. I hope the movie isn't losing steam already. Grade: C

SCENE 4: Jasmine Byrne
Just as I begin to worry about the movie's downward momentum, Erik spies on a girl on a playground swingset. Jasmine Byrne makes this feature take off, at least in my book! Remember what I said about Latinas and Kat earlier? Multiply that by ten, and you get my lust for, my adoration of, Jasmine Byrne. I swear, if I ever meet this girl, I will marry her on the spot. I wouldn't even wait for her response or care about the baggage that she would come with. Forget cloning, this girl is one of a kind, and I'd want her all to myself.
Jasmine's schoolgirl outfit is much more convincing than Melissa's earlier. The skirt's still too short, but this is porn. She has a sucker in her possession. The tease which follows brings a brand new meaning to Charms Blow Pops. Once the lolly's gone, there's a natural progression to Erik's dick, right there on the playground. Holy crap, this is messed up! That means I'm even more messed up for loving it!
He brings her home to play with the gang. However, Jon Dough's there, and he needs to cool off. A great blowjob scene, complete with swallowing, follows to keep us busy until John and Steve get there.
Of course, the four-way follows, with the obligatory gagging, rimming, anal, DPs, airtights, and A2Ms. What sets her scenes apart from the others so far is this playful energy she has. Her facial reactions throughout the scene go further than that open-mouth stunned face that the other girls have. Every moment seems to have her own unique expression. When she glares at the camera, it paralyses me. She doesn't scream everything at the top of her lungs at every thrust. And most of all, she smiles. She laughs. I love it when a girl shows in a scene that she is enjoying what she is doing. It's a sight I don't see enough in today's porn compared to stuff that came out even a few years ago.
The scene ends in a fashion that rivals Melissa's in nastiness: all three guys cum in her ass, and she pushes it out onto the floor and eats it. I was going to say that this girl reminds me of my first porn crush, Adriana Sage. After seeing this scene, I have to find a new comparison: I could never see Adriana doing anything remotely as nasty as this. Grade: A+

SCENE 5: Keri Sable
Here is Keri Sable, the cover girl. She comes over, waiting for her friend to come home from school. Once again, I don't know any school that would allow Keri to dress for class in a bikini top and a flimsy excuse for a skirt. On the other hand, I might know some girls that would pass the time waiting for her friends diddling off on her couch, although they wouldn't be able to lose themselves so much that they fail to notice their friend's dad and his buddy watching her masturbate directly in front of them.
Keri is your typical All-American Teen Pornstar: tanned, petite little blonde girl. My feelings for her are lukewarm. Higher than Vanilla, but lower than Melissa, and much lower than Kat and Jasmine. You do see some freckles on her face, which serves as one of my saving graces: if your look is too close to the norm, freckles will always bring you up in my book.
Erik loses the gang in this scene, making this the only one-on-one scene in the movie. One-on-one scenes are completely different than group scenes. To me, the intensity that is generated by a one-on-one scene is dependent on the characters. It needs to give the impression that there is some sort of chemistry, some communication between the partners. She sucks him on the floor, they do some rugburn-inducing doggy, the move to the couch, then some glorious stand and carry, then back to the couch, and later to the bed for some cowgirl, mish, and more reverse cowgirl and doggy before finishing off with a swallowing popshot, although not doesn't get much out. They have to clean up before her friend gets there.
I like the scene. It's not as hardcore as the others, but it's a great change of pace. It's not always about the level of nastiness in a scene, but what two performers can generate out of each other, and this scene does that. Grade: B

The Rest of the Stuff
The beauty of these three-hour titles is that they get to devote an entire second disc to extras. You get the basic behind the scenes footage: goofing off on the set between takes in Melissa's scene, Steve, John, and Kat getting acquainted with each other before their scene, the appeal of the History Channel with male talent, conversations about lesbians, makeup, past and future scenes, and Keri's ride on the crimson wave.
There's also a bonus scene with Lucy Thai. To tell you the truth, after nearly three hours of footage and thirty minutes of BTS, I didn't have enough energy to make it through Lucy's scene. From what I remember, though, it was up to par with the sex on the main disc. There is also a cumshot recap, photo gallery, and a link to Erik's site among the bonus footage.

Final Thoughts
Erik Everhard is a sick, sick man, and he should feel a sense of shame behind all that pride that he could get average citizens to watch well over three hours of porn at one sitting. I don't know how I could make it through a Jules Jordan movie. Perhaps this trend of super-sized features is a bad idea. (Nah...)
All of the scenes were well-filmed. The camera work was solid, and the lighting was mostly satisfactory, although the car scenes were too dark as usual. The girls were, disregarding personal bias, very attractive, the male talent did not want me to stop watching, and the sex was fantastic. I rented this, but I don't want to take it back. I'm going to buy this movie very soon.