Interactive Mind Teaser Review

The Plot: Every now and then we have to change the old paradigms and realize that something new is in the air. Witness exhibit A: Vivid’s Interactive Mind Teazzer. It really defies classification. It’s not a compilation, it’s not a gonzo and it certainly doesn’t have a plot. How do we define such a beast? I think if I were able, I would classify this disc as an “amusing toy”. It's either that, or classify it as "drink coaster".

The Cast: It’s nice to see that Vivid is rotating out some of the faces (and bodies) that we’ve all grown to love in favor of some less-exposed talent. Some of the old crowd is here: Kobe Tai, Kira Kenner, Lisa Comshaw. There is a whole gamut of first-name-only Vivid girls here: Zoe, Doria, Mia, Stella, Crystal, Stacy, Jordan, etc. etc. etc. Most of the girls are artificially inflated, but I didn’t see any that were awful in execution. The guys are represented by… um… there are none.

I really have only a couple comments about the cast here: Somebody needs to feed Kobe Tai, and Kira Kenner is an excellent dancer.

The Sex: Okay, here’s the burn: There is no sex. None. Nada. Nope. Nothing. Zero. There is not one lady getting penetrated on this disc that I could find, whether the penetrator is male, female, plastic or vegetable. Even the trailers/previews show no sex. This entire disk really is women getting naked for you. Not that I mind, but how this disc is any different than a late night on Cinemax is beyond me. Forget "Interactive Mind Teazzer", this really should have been called the "Interactive Dick Teaser". What interesting content there is (the lap dances) is done elsewhere without the Mind Teazzer interface. I'm missing something. I think it is the point of this whole disc.

The Audio / Image: The sound is in 5.1! And wonder of wonders, it is not a completely unused feature! My subwoofer actually did get some exercise and I had some very strong separation during some parts of this disc. What really impressed me is that the entire disc is in 5.1. So, all of the previews, interviews, lap dances, strip teases and menu background noise is all 5.1 sound. Granted, the interviews have nothing in the other channels, but it is really obvious in the previews and some of the scenes in the “Fantasy Room”. With the exception of the difference in volume between speakers in the interviews, the sound is pretty decent on this disc. No real problems, but nothing that stands out (apart from a 5.1 porno sound mix!)

The image ranges from fair to good on this disc. The Interactive Mind Teazzer rewards are pretty good, while some of the trailers are fairly grainy. I could find no artifacts, nicks or dust specks. My porno trend analysis indicates that Vivid is getting better at the image quality of their discs, but slowly.

The Extras: Vivid has always been a company that produces discs that are just crammed full with extra features. In this case, there is a strong argument for the entire disc being nothing but extra features. In addition to the main event (which I’ll get to in a minute), there is a slide show, eight trailers, WWW information, and the trademark Vivid opening montage. Okay, the montage isn’t really a feature under normal circumstances, but this is a brand-new (to me) sequence that shows off what Vivid can do with a DVD. It’s actually nifty to watch a few times. There is also the “interactive tour” which is mainly eight different ladies from Vivid’s collection of ladies performing a lap dance for you and a “Fantasy Room” which has eight different women performing a strip tease for you.

In addition to the standard Vivid fare, they have finally gotten around to some real meat in their extras. There are two behind-the-scenes featurettes, four interviews (Kira Kenner, Zoe Gregory, Lisa Comshaw and the lady from Playboy’s Night Calls). In typical Vivid fashion, the interview room has to be one of their “interactive rooms” which means that there is a CGI room with hotspots over some pictures of women that bear absolutely no relation to the person who is being interviewed. Vivid is new at the interview game, you can tell. The interviewer obviously is also shooting the image and his voice is much louder than the person he’s interviewing. It is highly annoying, but I will take it over no interview any day. The two behind-the-scenes are fairly interesting. The first one is mostly interviews with the ladies who are featured on the disc, while the second one shows much of how they shot the lap dances. It’s not very structured, and you get a lot of other content besides just some footage of everyone setting up for a shot. Kira has a bloopers section that is pretty funny, actually. This is a marked improvement over Vivid’s earlier releases. I look forward to more in the future.

The big feature is the Interactive Mind Teazzer. This basically is a mix & match game with naked bodies. The ladies’ images are split into head, chest and hips and they slide past each other in sort of a porno version of the sliding puzzles you find in the toy store. As the parts slide past each other, you select which lady you wish to “assemble”. Once you select the head, you must wait until the chest lines up and select it. Get all three parts of the girl assembled, and you get a treat: The girl you built will do a mini strip show for you. If you get it wrong, she calls you a dumbass. During this strip show, there will be a set of clothed legs, which is supposed to give the impression that it is your crotch that she’s grinding against (with a couple exceptions). A few of the ladies break from the mold and just do a strip for you. Anyhow, it’s neat to play with for a while. The real question is that since these performances that you are rewarded with are just like the performances in the Interactive Tour… um, what’s the point?

Although… Kira Kenner’s lap dance was hands down the best one.

Vivid has included some stuff I applaud (interviews, behind the scenes), left out some stuff I hated (the dungeon VR, bios). Overall, they’re moving in the right direction.

The Good: Lots of beautiful women taking their clothes off, sensuously. The Interactive Mind Teazzer is amusing.

The Bad: No sex. Slow, sensuous dancing is nice, but four hours of it? No sex. What ever happened to the heavy metal strip teases of yore? No sex. I can get similar stuff watching late night cable. Did I mention there is no sex?

Overall: Rent it if you want to see the cool technology. Other than that, there really is no reason to get this disc unless you like four hours of women slowly taking their clothes off.