Grindhouse XXX: A Double Feature: Student Assassin & Massacre at Pine Lake Review

Reviewed by T0MBOne  on  11/19/2011

The original GRINDHOUSE film from 2007 with a double feature plus previews paid homage to exploitation films of the '60s and '70s. This GRINDHOUSE XXX parody (2011, Adam & Eve Pictures) allows two different porn directors to make their own exploitation flicks and the results are mediocre at best.

Both directors insert typical straight sex scenes into these stale, flimsy tales, which leave a heroine to kick some ass in each of the finales and that's about it. In other words, the flicks have some violent stuff that's not integrated in any way, shape or form with the sex stuff and that's too bad. A bonus disc of extras has a few scenes from other flicks and some trailers but the BTS material and bloopers are nothing exciting. Porn film bloopers suck period.

Disc 1

PREVUES OF COMING ATTRACTIONS---EASTER---!! 1/2

Somebody in a bunny costume plays a pissed rabbit off that shoots a bunch of people. Why didn't he fuck like a rabbit somewhere in there?

STUDENT ASSASSIN---Directed by David Lord---!! 1/2

When her gal pal is kidnapped, a community college student goes on a killing rampage against the bad guys.

Teagan Presley plays the assassin, who makes out with her gal pal (Nina Mercedes) in a girl/girl shower scene. (It's a well-shot encounter with plenty of suds, some fingering and dildo plunging---!!!)

Blonde and buxom Britney Amber sucks and fucks a bad guy Derrick Pierce on a couch in front of a brick wall with an assortment of clocks? (Yes, folks, it's that brick wall seen in so many Wicked films. Brit looks great here except for tats around her tummy with a greenish tinge---!! 1/2)

A security guard looking for the student assassin accidentally walks in on a teacher sucking and fucking a guy. (India Summer and Seth Gamble have a fine scene on top a desk in front of a chalk board---!!!)

This flick ends with plenty of violence but Teagan doesn't do anymore of the nasty---just plenty of shooting and posturing.

MASSACRE AT PINE LAKE---Directed by Andre Madness---!!

A crazed killer (Lee Stone) escapes from the cops and kills most of the counselors prepping the Pine Lake camp grounds prior to kiddies arriving.

Alexis Ford puts on her jogging clothes and goes for a run that also includes beating on a punching bag as part of her work out. She leads the other counselors in the clean up of the camp grounds.

While cleaning the stalls, Andy San Dimas easily seduces nerdy Ralph Long. (The duo suck and fuck on a piece of equipment covered with a blood red blanket. Naked Andy looks cute in what appear to be Converse All-Star tennis shoes and takes a cumshot on the ass after a few straight sex positions---!! 1/2)

Rocco Reed and Briana Blair leave the others dancing badly to suck and fuck on a leather couch. (An okay indoor sex scene with a cumshot that lands on her left boob---!! 1/2)

Everyone misses the radio announcement warning of a 6'7" and 300 lb. crazed killer escaping police. He starts killing some of the suck and fuck buddies and Alexis, who has this bad feeling sucks and fucks Mr. Pete anyway. (Nice deep throating action bookends what's otherwise a typical night time suck and fuck scene---!!!)

Alexis finds the dead bodies and that pisses her off, which gives her plenty of energy to take on the maniac.

Disc 2

STUDENT ASSASSIN---A 20 minute BTS with photo shoot footage, 2 minutes of bloopers, 18 minutes of interviews, Internet promo trailer, a 4 minute photo gallery.

Bonus Scene 1 from the A-TEAM with Chastity Lynn & Scotty Lyons (Scrawny Scotty butt fucks Chastity the she takes a facial---!! 1/2)

Bonus Scene 2 from LADY SCARFACE with Ice La Fox and Rod Fontana (A fine suck and fuck scene in a diner with Ice's head hanging off a seat to take the cumshot---!!!)

MASSACRE AT PINE LAKE---A 14 minute BTS and 7 minutes of bloopers plus a 2 minute photo gallery. Internet promo trailer.

Okay, so GRINDHOUSE XXX (2011, Adam & Eve Pictures) is a disappointing parody of a flick that celebrated exploitation films. Both films (and the preview) fail to integrate any sexual shenanigans into these otherwise stale stories. Thanks to cartoon violence and a burnt orange and brown look, STUDENT ASSASSIN lands the opening film a slightly better rating than the bland killer-on-the-loose tale that is MASSACRE AT PINE LAKE.

Final rating is !! outta !!!!! for the whole package.