Elastic Assholes 7 Review

Reviewed by gonzoguy  on  3/31/2009

We all love an elastic asshole, so for that alone, I'll give Mike John props. Great title. But the bottom line? This is EA #7, and how many other anal lines are there, and how many of them serve up anything that really, truly takes anal to another level rather than just another chapter to clutter the store shelves and challenge our memories? Didn't think you could answer that one with anything other than a shrug. Still, there are a couple of memorable moments here, oddly enough in the Behind The Scenes chapter of the Extras. Not sure what that says about the film, me, or all of the above. Here's the run-through.

Disc 1
Scene 1: Jada Fire with Steve Holmes and Steve French. Jada is a nasty looking thing. Love the curves, the big tits with the bigger nipples. She starts off poolside, sucks on Holmes a bit, takes him inside, where French makes it a threesome. Then it's the familiar roundelay of positions -- double penetration, reverse cowgirl, doggie, all leading up to a monster double facial. You got to admit, all that thick white cream on her dark skin is a lovely sight to see. She takes some of the load in her mouth, pushes it out, and it drips (and hangs) down her chin, onto those pretty titties. But go to the BTS to see her flex for Tim Von Swine's still camera. He asks her to spread her squatting knees so he can see the cum where it's drained down her belly, and there it is, all pooled up on her patch. "That's my cum catcher," she says, and laughs. Yessir.

Scene 2: Bobbi Starr with Sean Michaels. I love Bobbi. She's smart, and cute, and she fucks like she means it. After a dildo intro, she gets down to Sean goes through all the positions, and takes a nice pop to the mouth, playing with the cum afterward. Still, I've seen her in better. Check out the BTS interview, where she gives her oboe rate -- $150 an hour, far cheaper than she gets to have Michaels clean her colon.

Scene 3: Marie Luv with James Deen. A little dildo play, a little quacking oral, and then the round robin before she takes an oral pop. Check the BTS, to watch Deen diddle her silly while John and Von Swine goof around in the background. We get a stupid look at John's facial hair before returning to the room, where Deen is eating Luv in piledriver and her legs are trembling with joy. Hey, guys, WHY is this in the BTS? Watching the ladies actually cum is a rare treat.

Scene 4: Hannah West with Steve Holmes. She plays with a pink dildo outside, then goes indoors to try stuffing Holmes up her ass. He gets about halfway in before he encounters, what, Hannah resistance, a sphincter constrictor, or a UPS truck coming the other way? Who knows, but she's less elastic than the other ladies here. Even so, she catches a nice oral pop.

Disc 2:
Scene 4: Tatiana Kush with Mr. Marcus and Sean Michaels. She's cute, if you can ignore the need for braces. As in the other scenes, she starts with a dildo, then works quickly into a reverse cowgirl double dip, anal and oral, cowgirl, spoon and oral, etc. etc. At one point, Sean has to pull out and take a break because it's too good. He pops first, then Mr. Marcus blasts a streamer down the right side of Tatiana's face to finish her cosmetics.

Scene 5: Rebecca Linares and Mr. Pete. Lots of vag action here, then on to the ass. She's elastic, alright. Messy, too, when all is said and done.

Scene 6: Emma Heart and Sean Michaels. What a cutie, just a bit chubby around the south 40. Sean eats some pussy (another rarity any more), she sucks on him, then they go through all the moves before he feeds her and she swallows most of it.

Extras include all the usual -- cumshot recap, stills, and the Behind the Scenes, which may, in an odd way, be the best part of this twin disc set.